A Step to Love

I was crying and I didn’t even know why the tears were running down my face it the first place. All I knew was that I was sitting on the branch of an old oak tree in Pat’s garden.

I knew I wasn’t crying because Alex had said something horrendous. Actually, we haven’t spoken to each other since the day he almost kissed me in my dreams. And I was certainly not crying because today was the day of the party, even though, going with Brody was reason enough.

Disliking for Brody wasn’t exactly right. I didn’t dislike him. I was just completely disgusted by the rumors with his past with girls. And his attitude.

Hm, maybe he would be my other experiment for the project in Health class.

The sound of a loud crunk made me jump and my eyes went straight to the beginning of the branch where they found nothing wrong going on.

The crunk came back after a few seconds and just when I thought of jumping off of the tree before the branch took me with it, Alex’s head popped up.

He stared blankly at me. “What are you doing here?”

I rolled my eyes. “I believe this tree is public.”

“Well, everyone in the family—including the staff—knows that this is my thinking spot.”

I humphed and turned my back to him. “Well nobody told me!”

The branch started to feel a little heavier. I slowly turned around to find Alex getting on the same branch. He looked up after I stared at him for some long seconds; his expression changed from annoyance to compassion.

“Why are you crying?” he asked and extended a hand to touch my face with hesitation.

I sniffled and felt more tears slide down. He dropped his hand, but kept staring at my wet cheeks.

“It’s nothing,” I said as I cleaned my face with the back of both of my hands.

“Come again?”

I sighed. He already thought that I was stupid. “I don’t know.”

He started cracking up just when I thought he was turning somewhat kind. “You don’t know? Well, that’s stupid.”

Just as I thought. Alex Rodriguez could be so predictable sometimes.

I punched him on his left arm, but he kept laughing; eventually I joined him and we laughed and laughed.

“I think this might be our longest laugh ever,” he said just after sighing when our laughing stopped.

And for some reason my heart skipped a beat at the words.

“Yeah,” I responded dumbly.

After that, silence filled the atmosphere. It wasn’t because words weren’t needed; it was because both of us had nothing to say. I sensed that in Alex and I already knew what I felt; awkwardness.

It was always the same when I was around him.

Then suddenly, I wished I was in my dreams again where I felt confident or maybe—this may sound pervy—when I was in the bed next to him; where I felt secure. Now…it was just like every normal stinky day except this time, we had a good laugh mixed with tears on top of a humongous tree.

Sigh. Wonderful.

Then, it was time for my mind to wander.

I thought how things would be if both Alex and I were to give each other a chance at friendship. Would it somehow be different? Or maybe, in the step of trying, we would just realize is not the right thing to do.

My eyes found his staring at me. Not at my eyes, but at my lips, my cheeks, my chin—everything in my face except my eyes.

There was something inside that was telling me he wanted to touch and that’s where it happened.

For the first time since we’ve met, he touched me—carrying me to my room did not really count. He gently touched my cheek and I let him caress its fullness. His eyes finally met mine.

And then my eyes widened.

My dream cannot come true.

My hand reacted before my brain did. It just glided across his face and naturally, I screamed in response. I hated slapping people and even if for me Alex wasn’t considered a person, it still made no difference.

“What was that for?”

“I-I-I’m sorry!" I yelled, panicking.

I mentally groaned when he scoffed, shook his head and backed away, leaving me alone in that old tree; alone to think…and cry once again for my stupidity.