A Step to Love

The sun was finally setting and it was time for me to get ready for yet another attempt at socialism with somebody besides my friends.

When did I become so absurd? I couldn’t stop thinking about Alex even when I was untangling my black hair—all dressed up—in Brit’s room.

I incident must've been too much, too careless, too stupid and dumb. But it scared me that I replayed his face of disapproval all over again in my head for the past three hours of thinking—ever since it happened.

And I wanted to apologize again and again. Perhaps, even erase it and start from the beginning.

Brit sat next to me and helped me with the accessories. Her pink—no surprise there considering that all she wore and had both were pink—sheath dress that had a white ribbon around her waist and her long golden curls made her look like she belonged in some fairy tale. She kind of reminded of me of a prettier and young version of Aurora from The Sleeping Beauty.

I told her that when I saw her spray some perfume around her throat. She laughed, of course.

We were both ready and so it seemed when I stared at the mirror.

I felt so…girly with my red satin strapless cocktail dress and with that entire make-up on. I mean, seriously…base, eyeliner, eye shadow, blush, mascara and lip gloss?

Brit reached for my head and petted it softly. “Are you okay, Lilly?”

I nodded and went from my make-up to worried expression. Too bad I couldn’t convince myself.

She excused herself from the room to go meet Joseph downstairs and greet him “properly”. I bet Brody was already there, too, so I should be on the move.

But instead of reaching for the doorknob, my thoughts went back to Alex’s face.

What the hell was wrong with me? Didn’t I hate the guy or not?

My jaw tightened. Yes, yes I did. And that did not mean I should stop myself from apologizing again. I am a bigger person.

What I needed to do was march straight to his—our—room and tell him I—

“Lilly?” a guy’s voice came from the other side of the room and it was followed by one simple knock on the door. “You there?”

It could be Brody, but I wasn't sure. These doors were a little soundproof so the voices were all messed up.

I opened the door to confirm my suspicion, but ended up being wrong. It was Alex.

He sighed and stepped forward. Then he ran a hand through his perfect jet black hair revealing his right and piercing blue eye that was covered.

Alex wore a simple black suit, but it made him look too good.

I opened my mouth—ready to yell a big sorry to him, but he cut me off. “Can we talk...?” He paused to look around. “Outside?”

With a simple nod, I followed him through the door.

For some reason, I couldn’t find Brody in the small crowd that was in the living room. Everybody seemed to chat quietly. I felt all of their eyes on us once we passed out of the living room and into the garden.

The place was absolutely stunning, filled with pink and white roses. It had some purple tulips (didn’t they bloom only in May?) and of course, the breathtaking and huge old oak tree. The garden almost looked like a park because it had a few benches around it and yes, it had a gorgeous fountain that sat in the center of the garden.

I sometimes wondered if all of this was real. It looked so fairy tale-ish—the whole house looked like it was extracted from a book of fantasy.

The Thing led me under the oak. Unfortunately, he was cursing silently like many times so I wasn’t expecting something pleasant. Once he reached the tree, he turned to me and waited for me to do the same.

Then he sighed. “Look.” He finally met my eyes. “Maybe I shouldn’t be the one to tell you this, but yo—”

“Then, why are you?” I cut him off.

“Because nobody else will tell you,” he answered impatiently.

I stared at the ground and my right heel started playing with some of the rocks there.

“The thing is...” I heard him say and pause. “I don’t think Brody is right for you.”

Surprised, I looked up. Oh, man, was he serious?

I sighed. He just kept confusing me more and more. First, he completely loathed me to the point where he would do anything to annoy me and because my mom went nuts and tried to choke me to death, he felt sorry for me instead of torturing me about it like he used to with a lot of things before.

Second, he was completely furious because I was sleeping in the same room as him and all of the sudden he just decides to deal with it and he started treating me all right. I mean, for me, not talking to me at all is actually kind of nice of him. That was the first time it looked like he wanted to kiss me.

Thirdly, when he climbed up the tree, he was concerned and asked why I was crying. He had never done that before.

He had seen me cry thousands of times—in my house when we had to do a group project and my previous boyfriend, Jon, called me to break up with me. He also saw me cry every time I watched a sad movie and every time Jenny would say something horrendous and...

I can’t even count all of the times I have cried. I believe he has seen me cry every time I have cried—well, that is except when I cry in my room.

And also when touched me for the first time, I could’ve swore I saw his head lean closer and I don’t blame him for reacting so negatively after I’d slap him. But the things he said made no sense.

Was he bipolar? Or maybe I was being delusional.