A Step to Love

It started in a cloudy day. It sometimes felt for me as if the weather affected what might happen during the day. As if it was trying to tell us something. Today, it felt like that, but I didn’t have the head to pay attention to it.

Everything seemed to turn quickly. I felt the objects around me spin simultaneously, but whenever I opened my eyes to check, everything went back in order.

I breathed and breathed.

“Lilly,” I heard a whisper call my name. My heart skipped a beat as my eyes faced a worried Sasha dressed in a white gown. She only stood a few feet, radiant like sunlight.

“Whah—wha—?”

“Shhh.” She took her first step, blowing me away. I felt a sweet wind make its way between my body. I felt her smile torment everything from the bottom to the top of my lungs. I felt her hair lock around my throat along with her perfect baby eyes pushing between my torso.

All of this felt so strange, but I was too mesmerized to care.

I also took a step forward and stretched my arm, trying to link my fingers around hers—trying to take a taste that she was actually there. …But then she was gone. She disappeared—faded in a blink of an eye and I felt like drowning again in my windy mist of sorrow.

I gasped and gasped—soon turning all of my energy into rapid pants. My heart accelerated even more and in a matter of seconds, I was awake.

“How—we—what?”

Brit sat on the edge of the sofa, playing nervously with her fingers. “Sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to wake you with my weight.”

It had only been two days since the incident and I was already hallucinating.

I shifted a bit so that I could rest my body against my elbows and also that way, I could face Brit properly.

I tried to assure her it was all right, but nothing came out my mouth. I stretched my hand to caress her hair, but stopped in the process when I had an image of the dream…or whatever that was.

“I’m scared.”

I turned to look at her hands which were now clenched into fists. Brit looked…different, but not in the normal way.

“I’m not sure what is it you want me to say,” I told her in a whisper, feeling my voice fading away with every syllable.

That sentence had been the first I had said in those two dreaded days. Both of us barely spoke to anyone, or even ate, as a matter of fact, but believe it or not…I always considered Brittany to be the stronger one. The one that would always cheer me up no matter what…But I guess finding the body… I shuddered at the thought.

I didn’t have any say in this matter. I guess I would’ve acted the same way.

She nodded, but didn’t reply right away. “I don’t expect you to say anything to me. Just being here is enough help.” The way she spoke made it clear that something inside her had clicked and a feeling of fright took over.

She looked at me, her hazel eyes filling up with the tears. I was never good with words, especially ones that distributed advice.

I threw the hesitation and the doubt away, to embrace her in a hug and as soon as her face collided with my shoulder, she started to sob. I now had, but only one question.

Why couldn’t tears form in my set of eyes?

I didn’t understand that simple detail. I hadn’t cried.

Everything happened so quickly. I had so many thoughts collapsing constantly that I didn’t know what to do about them. I couldn’t even think of a proper sentence to explain it.

“Yeaaaaaaah!” Jake yelled as soon as the car turned around the block. We now had the whole house to ourselves. Well, apart from Nana, that is. She was cooking dinner for tonight in the kitchen. “We’re free, we’re free,” Jake kept on singing, making some weird and oddly erotic movements that clearly embarrassed most of us.

“Get inside the fucking house, will you?” Alex grunted. He had his hand around Brit who was still waving into thin air.

“I’m older than you and mom’s not here,” Jake replied, sticking his tongue out. God, they were just like children some times.

I pulled Brit from Alex’s hold and led her to the kitchen. The smell of that lasagna (with only vegetables, of course, thanks to Alex) was actually making me hungry. “Have you talked to Joe lately?” I decided to ask the first thing that came to mind while I leaned toward the open refrigerator to get a before-dinner snack.

“Nooo,” she replied, a little slow, sounding almost sarcastic. “But I am calling him tonight. He says there’s some stuff he’s worried about.”

I did the obvious and raised my eyebrow while mumbling a ‘hmm?’

“He’s nuts. I’m doing the best I can to be a nice girlfriend. I am one, right?”

“How should I know? I haven’t dated you.” I finished with a giggle, opening a bag of Doritos that someone left.

“Just so you know, I’m awesome. Those are mine, by the way.”

“Too late,” I sang, walking away from her.

I didn’t even notice that Brit had stopped crying and had fallen asleep on my chest. I sighed, still wondering when this confusion was going to end. I felt so lost—so out of control. I didn’t want to think about anything. I didn’t know what to do.

Pat and George had already received the news and were on their way back here. Maybe she had the answers I was looking for.