A Step to Love
It Took Time to Realize
With a sound from the telephone—that’s how it started and everyone immediately knew it was time.
“It’s Mrs. Gibson,” Jake said in a bored tone. We knew she was calling about Sasha’s funeral.
…and there we were. Watching the white casket that held Sasha’s body, disappear within the pink sunset as white and pink rose petals were being thrown. Before the ceremony, Mrs. Gibson told me that white and pink roses were Sasha’s favorite and that was the reason why they decided to include this step in the funeral, but Brit and I knew it wasn’t like that.
She liked red tulips.
Every time somebody would ask Sasha why she liked red tulips, she would explain with a smile, “well, for me, tulips look fragile and friends are the ones who always saw you at your worst—when you’re most vulnerable. Red obviously means the strong connection you have.”
I always looked at her like she was insane. “That’s doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, dummy,” I would tell her, laughing.
I looked over to Brit’s face to see how she was holding up. I just wanted to see her reaction once the casket was nowhere to be seen—hidden under the dirt.
…
It faded…but she was still motionless.
It surprised me to see her wearing a black dress. I wanted to ask her. Not one accessory in pink. She only had her dress, some black flats and her dead eyes that did not yet shed any tears.
It was indeed an overwhelming feeling, you know—seeing Mrs. Gibson on her knees, bawling her eyes out to the sky, asking why. While on the other hand, the pope or whatever he was, recited something out of the book he had on his left hand. He had it there because the other hand was busy throwing water at the dirt.
…
And I let my mind wonder…to the previous event—trying to find the answer to Mrs. Gibson’s question.
Why?
…
“You know what we should do?” Jake asked to all us who were sitting on the floor in the living room. I was in the middle, staring at the television, watching Dexter’s Laboratory reruns, but I still could hear what he was saying.
And I had the idea that he was just about to suggest another stupid plan.
“What?” Sasha’s voice asked.
“We should throw a party,” Jake responded.
Even though I was not looking at Sasha’s face, I could imagine her looking at the sky as if she was asking for patience. “It hasn’t even been a month since Lilly’s birthday. One party per month is enough.”
Brit agreed with a “uh-huh.”
“You guys clearly don’t know the meaning of ‘entrainment while legal guardians are away’,” Jake said, adding a scoff at the end. “It’s just going to be these two weeks, you know?”
“We know,” I whispered.
“No more ‘being alone in a mansion’, you know?”
“We know,” I said a little more loudly.
“Without the parents,” he said again.
I turned and took the remote control from Alex’s lap, pressing the “POWER” button slightly, getting arguments from everyone else. “What exactly do you have in mind?” I asked, looking straightly into Jake’s booming hazel eyes.
“You’re not going through with this, are you?” Alex asked me. He took the remote back from my hand and turned to his older brother. Our fingers…brushed. “Because, well, I don’t really care whether or not you do something stupid, alth—”
“I just want to know your plans on this so called ‘party’ of yours,” I responded Alex’s question to Jake.
He snickered. “Well, just a tad get together.”
Alex laughed.
“Right,” I heard Gaby mutter. “I can just see it now.”
“Let me guess,” I said, adding a small ironic laugh at the end. “Your definition of a ‘tad get together’ is a house full of hoes getting down and dirty with you—probably, after taking a gallon full of beer. Am I right?
“No, but that’s actually way better,” Jake responded.
I rolled my eyes. Men were just so…ugh.
“You know what?” Sasha said after a while. “I regret saying that. Actually, I think that’s exactly the type of thing that we need. You know…Alex’s graduation is coming soon, so…maybe it’s a way to start over…or…something.”
“You cannot be serious. Why should we celebrate Alex?” I asked, but everyone ignored me.
“Yeah,” Jake laughed, patting his younger brother’s back. “Our little guy is growing up. We should celebrate. Plus, plus!” He pointed toward Gabriel, Sasha and me. “You guys are going to be seniors after summer, so, let’s do it.”
~*~*~*~*~
I didn’t remember much after the party. I only remembered alcohol being involved..., numerous lights reflecting on the bathroom mirror…Sasha.
She was there…
And then…
And then…
First stare at the clock; 9:58am. Second stare at the clock; 10:34am… Third stare at the clock; 11:13am. Fourth stare at the clock; 11:45am.
Spongebob…
Sasha…dead. Sasha…dead.
…
Why? Why?
I wanted to wrap my mind around it. No more…Sasha.
…
And finally my throat closed up.
…
No more…funny jokes with Sasha. No more…movie nights with Sasha. No more slumber parties, no more regular parties with Sasha. No more hugging, speaking, and kissing, touching, feeling, hearing Sasha anymore…
And no laughs with Sasha! No more stupid arguments with Sasha! No more borrowing clothes from Sasha! No more dancing with Sasha! Studying with Sasha! Calling Sasha! Seeing Sasha! Being with her! No…more…Sasha.
“Oh, honey,” Pat whispered to me and I buried my face in her shoulder. I let the tears fall; the very first tears since the news…
“It’s Mrs. Gibson,” Jake said in a bored tone. We knew she was calling about Sasha’s funeral.
…and there we were. Watching the white casket that held Sasha’s body, disappear within the pink sunset as white and pink rose petals were being thrown. Before the ceremony, Mrs. Gibson told me that white and pink roses were Sasha’s favorite and that was the reason why they decided to include this step in the funeral, but Brit and I knew it wasn’t like that.
She liked red tulips.
Every time somebody would ask Sasha why she liked red tulips, she would explain with a smile, “well, for me, tulips look fragile and friends are the ones who always saw you at your worst—when you’re most vulnerable. Red obviously means the strong connection you have.”
I always looked at her like she was insane. “That’s doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, dummy,” I would tell her, laughing.
I looked over to Brit’s face to see how she was holding up. I just wanted to see her reaction once the casket was nowhere to be seen—hidden under the dirt.
…
It faded…but she was still motionless.
It surprised me to see her wearing a black dress. I wanted to ask her. Not one accessory in pink. She only had her dress, some black flats and her dead eyes that did not yet shed any tears.
It was indeed an overwhelming feeling, you know—seeing Mrs. Gibson on her knees, bawling her eyes out to the sky, asking why. While on the other hand, the pope or whatever he was, recited something out of the book he had on his left hand. He had it there because the other hand was busy throwing water at the dirt.
…
And I let my mind wonder…to the previous event—trying to find the answer to Mrs. Gibson’s question.
Why?
…
“You know what we should do?” Jake asked to all us who were sitting on the floor in the living room. I was in the middle, staring at the television, watching Dexter’s Laboratory reruns, but I still could hear what he was saying.
And I had the idea that he was just about to suggest another stupid plan.
“What?” Sasha’s voice asked.
“We should throw a party,” Jake responded.
Even though I was not looking at Sasha’s face, I could imagine her looking at the sky as if she was asking for patience. “It hasn’t even been a month since Lilly’s birthday. One party per month is enough.”
Brit agreed with a “uh-huh.”
“You guys clearly don’t know the meaning of ‘entrainment while legal guardians are away’,” Jake said, adding a scoff at the end. “It’s just going to be these two weeks, you know?”
“We know,” I whispered.
“No more ‘being alone in a mansion’, you know?”
“We know,” I said a little more loudly.
“Without the parents,” he said again.
I turned and took the remote control from Alex’s lap, pressing the “POWER” button slightly, getting arguments from everyone else. “What exactly do you have in mind?” I asked, looking straightly into Jake’s booming hazel eyes.
“You’re not going through with this, are you?” Alex asked me. He took the remote back from my hand and turned to his older brother. Our fingers…brushed. “Because, well, I don’t really care whether or not you do something stupid, alth—”
“I just want to know your plans on this so called ‘party’ of yours,” I responded Alex’s question to Jake.
He snickered. “Well, just a tad get together.”
Alex laughed.
“Right,” I heard Gaby mutter. “I can just see it now.”
“Let me guess,” I said, adding a small ironic laugh at the end. “Your definition of a ‘tad get together’ is a house full of hoes getting down and dirty with you—probably, after taking a gallon full of beer. Am I right?
“No, but that’s actually way better,” Jake responded.
I rolled my eyes. Men were just so…ugh.
“You know what?” Sasha said after a while. “I regret saying that. Actually, I think that’s exactly the type of thing that we need. You know…Alex’s graduation is coming soon, so…maybe it’s a way to start over…or…something.”
“You cannot be serious. Why should we celebrate Alex?” I asked, but everyone ignored me.
“Yeah,” Jake laughed, patting his younger brother’s back. “Our little guy is growing up. We should celebrate. Plus, plus!” He pointed toward Gabriel, Sasha and me. “You guys are going to be seniors after summer, so, let’s do it.”
~*~*~*~*~
I didn’t remember much after the party. I only remembered alcohol being involved..., numerous lights reflecting on the bathroom mirror…Sasha.
She was there…
And then…
And then…
First stare at the clock; 9:58am. Second stare at the clock; 10:34am… Third stare at the clock; 11:13am. Fourth stare at the clock; 11:45am.
Spongebob…
Sasha…dead. Sasha…dead.
…
Why? Why?
I wanted to wrap my mind around it. No more…Sasha.
…
And finally my throat closed up.
…
No more…funny jokes with Sasha. No more…movie nights with Sasha. No more slumber parties, no more regular parties with Sasha. No more hugging, speaking, and kissing, touching, feeling, hearing Sasha anymore…
And no laughs with Sasha! No more stupid arguments with Sasha! No more borrowing clothes from Sasha! No more dancing with Sasha! Studying with Sasha! Calling Sasha! Seeing Sasha! Being with her! No…more…Sasha.
“Oh, honey,” Pat whispered to me and I buried my face in her shoulder. I let the tears fall; the very first tears since the news…