A Step to Love
Her...
Thursday, May 29th, 2008. Forty seven days since Sasha’s funeral. A few hours until Alex’s graduation.
Graduation. Just a small pounce away from the beginning of the real summer. The official summer.
By now, as I’m lying on the couch covered by the darkness, I think that maybe you’d expect for the gang to get over the issue that was Sasha’s death, but for Brit and me, it all still felt like yesterday.
I tried every night to forget, but instead, I waste my time tossing and turning at the recent memory I had of her. I waste my time picking up the fading puzzle pieces—to at least try and figure out why it happened.
In a moment, it all seems worthless, but in another, it seems like the right thing to do.
Besides, I bet she wouldn’t like if we forgot about her.
Just like the others did.
They guys learned to speak normally, to laugh once again. Maybe that was just it. They were guys and we were girls. Maybe that was the reason why were so emotionally attached to every single little thing.
Maybe if I’d closed my eyes…everything would just go away.
No, wait, I tried that yesterday. It wasn’t going to work.
Still, I could try and go to sleep. I needed to be well rested anyway for Alex’s graduation. It surprised me to hear he had made the honors list. I always thought of him as an irresponsible twerp.
~*~*~*~*~
Thud.
Immediately, I opened my eyes.
Under the quilt, I crossed my fingers, hoping it wasn’t another hallucination of ghosts wearing long dresses.
Thud. Crump.
“Wh—who is there?” I whispered, shaking in fear. I did not like this. I did not like being in this position at all. “S-Sasha? Is that you?” I waited for a response. “Look, if it’s you, please go away. Okay? I—I mean, I love you, but…you know how ghosts scare the hell o—”
“Lilly?”
Oh, God…
I gently sat on the sofa. From the window, the moon reflected a dim light that showed me a female figure walking toward the stairs. “Oh, crap,” I whispered. She wore long hair that reached to her waist, just the way Sasha had it…
“What the fuck are you doing here?” the female figure said.
What? … “What?”
Suddenly, the lights were turned on, and I saw Jennifer Rogers with her hand entwined in Alex’s hand, which I didn’t notice at first, was a few feet behind her.
“You thought I was the dead girl? You’re such a moron,” she scoffed with a roll of her eyes.
I simply couldn’t help, but to say it again. “What?”
“Don’t tell me you’re deaf…” she responded, moving her hip to the side.
Not only was I embarrassed by saying all of those things to Jenny, but I was still under the spell of shock as I saw the scene in front of me. Alex…and Jenny…together? Again?
“What are you doing here?” I asked, without hesitation. I threw the quilt that was on me, aside, to stand up and face them in front with my arms crossed.
Jenny just raised her eyebrows at my pose. “I asked you first.”
“You know I live here…” I think? She did, didn’t she? I mean, she came here the day of the dance, I’m sure someone told her.
She scoffed again. “I thought you moved already.”
“What about you? What are you doing here?” I asked again, but then I turned my sight to Alex’s eyes, just in case he was the one who was going to give me an answer.
But instead… “Why don’t you just go back to bed?” Alex asked with a tone of arrogance.
I didn’t respond, like I bet he was expecting me to. After a small wait, he and Jenny continued up the stairs, to what I guess would be Alex’s bedroom. And I felt…I felt torned.
He couldn’t mess with me, so he gave up and took her. Jenny out of the girls in the world.
What was his plan, anyway? She already had cheated on him, then why did he come back for her? Alex knows Jenny has, indeed dated, all of the guys in school… Except Joe, I think. I’m not exactly sure about Gabriel yet. So, it’s almost literal the rumors of her being a complete slut. She always had cheated, always does. Why was he with her?
I had to ask…
I just had to.
I ran up the stairs and knocked on Alex’s bedroom door for three times without getting an answer. And so, just as I was about to turn away, the door flew open. “What do you want?” he asked, obviously irritated. I couldn’t help but to think that I had interrupted something important to him, but I didn’t care…
Without any second opinions, I pulled him by the hand and closed the door on Jenny’s face. I kept pulling him down the stairs to the small bathroom next to the kitchen. He kept on protesting about what my problem was, but I didn’t pay much attention to it.
Just as we got to the bathroom, I closed the door behind me, and turned on the light.
“God…” Alex whispered and I saw that he was rubbing the area around his wrist. He looked up. “What is it now?”
“Care to explain?” I wrapped my arms around myself.
“I don’t have to explain anything. You don’t own me.” He reached the door knob as he spoke, but I stood in the way preventing him from going anywhere. “You don’t have to imprison me, either.”
“Alex…”
He laughed. “Yeah, if you’re wondering if we’re together, that is true, but still I would rather appreciate if you didn’t bo—”
“Why? You know what she’s like!” I yelled, as silently as possible.
He reached for the doorknob again. “And you know what Brody’s like, but you didn’t listen, so—can you please let me out? The last thing I want is for my girlfriend to see me in this situation that can be easily misinterpreted.”
“So, that’s what this whole mess is about?” I smiled. He was just trying to get back at me for dating Brody. That way, he knew I would just say the same things he told me about the day of the dance.
“No, I really like her.” He raised an eyebrow, reaching for the doorknob for the third time, succeeding in that attempt as my smile faded slowly. He pushed me out of the way, before leaving me alone in that closed space.
His words still echoed in my head, even when I fell asleep in the bathtub.
Graduation. Just a small pounce away from the beginning of the real summer. The official summer.
By now, as I’m lying on the couch covered by the darkness, I think that maybe you’d expect for the gang to get over the issue that was Sasha’s death, but for Brit and me, it all still felt like yesterday.
I tried every night to forget, but instead, I waste my time tossing and turning at the recent memory I had of her. I waste my time picking up the fading puzzle pieces—to at least try and figure out why it happened.
In a moment, it all seems worthless, but in another, it seems like the right thing to do.
Besides, I bet she wouldn’t like if we forgot about her.
Just like the others did.
They guys learned to speak normally, to laugh once again. Maybe that was just it. They were guys and we were girls. Maybe that was the reason why were so emotionally attached to every single little thing.
Maybe if I’d closed my eyes…everything would just go away.
No, wait, I tried that yesterday. It wasn’t going to work.
Still, I could try and go to sleep. I needed to be well rested anyway for Alex’s graduation. It surprised me to hear he had made the honors list. I always thought of him as an irresponsible twerp.
~*~*~*~*~
Thud.
Immediately, I opened my eyes.
Under the quilt, I crossed my fingers, hoping it wasn’t another hallucination of ghosts wearing long dresses.
Thud. Crump.
“Wh—who is there?” I whispered, shaking in fear. I did not like this. I did not like being in this position at all. “S-Sasha? Is that you?” I waited for a response. “Look, if it’s you, please go away. Okay? I—I mean, I love you, but…you know how ghosts scare the hell o—”
“Lilly?”
Oh, God…
I gently sat on the sofa. From the window, the moon reflected a dim light that showed me a female figure walking toward the stairs. “Oh, crap,” I whispered. She wore long hair that reached to her waist, just the way Sasha had it…
“What the fuck are you doing here?” the female figure said.
What? … “What?”
Suddenly, the lights were turned on, and I saw Jennifer Rogers with her hand entwined in Alex’s hand, which I didn’t notice at first, was a few feet behind her.
“You thought I was the dead girl? You’re such a moron,” she scoffed with a roll of her eyes.
I simply couldn’t help, but to say it again. “What?”
“Don’t tell me you’re deaf…” she responded, moving her hip to the side.
Not only was I embarrassed by saying all of those things to Jenny, but I was still under the spell of shock as I saw the scene in front of me. Alex…and Jenny…together? Again?
“What are you doing here?” I asked, without hesitation. I threw the quilt that was on me, aside, to stand up and face them in front with my arms crossed.
Jenny just raised her eyebrows at my pose. “I asked you first.”
“You know I live here…” I think? She did, didn’t she? I mean, she came here the day of the dance, I’m sure someone told her.
She scoffed again. “I thought you moved already.”
“What about you? What are you doing here?” I asked again, but then I turned my sight to Alex’s eyes, just in case he was the one who was going to give me an answer.
But instead… “Why don’t you just go back to bed?” Alex asked with a tone of arrogance.
I didn’t respond, like I bet he was expecting me to. After a small wait, he and Jenny continued up the stairs, to what I guess would be Alex’s bedroom. And I felt…I felt torned.
He couldn’t mess with me, so he gave up and took her. Jenny out of the girls in the world.
What was his plan, anyway? She already had cheated on him, then why did he come back for her? Alex knows Jenny has, indeed dated, all of the guys in school… Except Joe, I think. I’m not exactly sure about Gabriel yet. So, it’s almost literal the rumors of her being a complete slut. She always had cheated, always does. Why was he with her?
I had to ask…
I just had to.
I ran up the stairs and knocked on Alex’s bedroom door for three times without getting an answer. And so, just as I was about to turn away, the door flew open. “What do you want?” he asked, obviously irritated. I couldn’t help but to think that I had interrupted something important to him, but I didn’t care…
Without any second opinions, I pulled him by the hand and closed the door on Jenny’s face. I kept pulling him down the stairs to the small bathroom next to the kitchen. He kept on protesting about what my problem was, but I didn’t pay much attention to it.
Just as we got to the bathroom, I closed the door behind me, and turned on the light.
“God…” Alex whispered and I saw that he was rubbing the area around his wrist. He looked up. “What is it now?”
“Care to explain?” I wrapped my arms around myself.
“I don’t have to explain anything. You don’t own me.” He reached the door knob as he spoke, but I stood in the way preventing him from going anywhere. “You don’t have to imprison me, either.”
“Alex…”
He laughed. “Yeah, if you’re wondering if we’re together, that is true, but still I would rather appreciate if you didn’t bo—”
“Why? You know what she’s like!” I yelled, as silently as possible.
He reached for the doorknob again. “And you know what Brody’s like, but you didn’t listen, so—can you please let me out? The last thing I want is for my girlfriend to see me in this situation that can be easily misinterpreted.”
“So, that’s what this whole mess is about?” I smiled. He was just trying to get back at me for dating Brody. That way, he knew I would just say the same things he told me about the day of the dance.
“No, I really like her.” He raised an eyebrow, reaching for the doorknob for the third time, succeeding in that attempt as my smile faded slowly. He pushed me out of the way, before leaving me alone in that closed space.
His words still echoed in my head, even when I fell asleep in the bathtub.