A Step to Love
Changes
“Wow, he really said that,” Jake said, laughing slightly at me. I knew coming in here was a bad idea, but I needed advice nevertheless and Brit wasn’t in the disposition to give me some. Besides, she didn’t know the whole situation.
“This officially sucks. Not only did I embarrass myself, but now he’s probably going to think I like him, too.”
“Well, don’t you?” he asked crossing his legs, so that they would be on top of the bed instead of dangling to the side.
“I know I told you before I did, but”—I suppressed a retentive sigh—“after what you said to me about Alex, I, well,…I had second thoughts.”
He chuckled a bit and took one of my hands between his. “I would apologize; however, you know I only wanted to protect you.” I smiled softly. It was more out of pure disappointment coming from what I thought Alex would be at that moment: a simple gorgeous being that liked to pick on the girls he liked.
“Hey…I made you smile,” he whispered smiling for himself in triumph.
“It’s the second time I have been able to do so since…you know,” I admitted.
He placed my hands back onto my lap, and kept on whispering. “You need to let go.”
I shook my head. “I can’t, I’m not supposed to.”
“Lilly, if she were here, she’d told you to be happy. She was one of your best friends, I understand, but…you can’t be…upset because of someone’s passing. That’s just how life is.”
Although, I kept fighting against the idea, I knew he was right. But still… “Well, I’m not allowed to be happy either.”
“Who told you you’re not allowed to…?” he asked questioningly.
“…myself?”
“Well, tell ‘yourself’ to get a grip and stop annoying you.”
“Jake,” I said, looking to the perfectly brown eye that wasn’t covered by straps of golden and jet black hair, “you’re right; I shouldn’t be moping and feeling all of upset since I know that’s not what she would want, but it doesn’t feel right to smile and laugh. It would be disrespecting her passing.”
“It’s been almost two months,” he added.
And I knew that. I understood the whole time-passes-by-people-change-people-forget crap. I just couldn’t smile all the way already. I wanted to, though. I sighed. I didn’t feel like talking about myself anymore. I knew if we kept this up, he wasn’t going to quit until I said I was going to stop being sad. I decided to talk about another subject that was worrying me instead.
“I fear for Brittany, though.”
His shy grin did not go unnoticed by me. “She’ll be fine.”
I wondered, how could he be so sure that everything would turn out to be fine? He said these things like he would bet millions of dollars on them and still be a hundred percent sure he’d win the bet.
“No, she won’t,” I argued. “She hasn’t been the same. Not one smile—she barely eats anymore…”
“She will.”
“Her bones are starting to show, Jake,” I started trying convincing him that I was right this time. Brit was transformed into…I don’t even know what it was. She didn’t bother to do her make-up anymore. She barely came down from her room to sit around to think like I did. She reminded me of a blooming yellow rose that was dying slowly and the colors of her petals were turning gray—as if the color was being sucked out.
“Have you talked to her?” he asked.
“Well, of course. I’ve hugged her; I’ve caressed her hair and told her everything would be fine when she couldn’t sleep. I’ve kissed her a couple of times and even told her about the things that I’ve done during the day—just to get to her to react…but…she doesn’t. I even think her relationship with Joe is over, I’m not sure.”
“What?”
“Well, she told me Joe had said he wanted to talk to her about something and, well…I don’t know what happened. Joe hasn’t been in for a while. Last time he only came to give something to Brit and that’s it.”
“What about in school?”
“He just sat next her in lunch.” I sighed. “I really want her back. I want to see her smile again,” I said desperately.
“I understand.”
“No, you don’t. She’s one of the main reasons why I like to smile; because I have her. I don’t want to sound selfish, but she’s the one that’s supposed to tell me that everything is okay, and yet…she’s so…broken. She looks so fragile whenever I see her. She looks smaller and smaller as the days pass by.”
We stared in silence for a few minutes…
Jake broke it off after a while. “Why don’t we take her somewhere? Maybe that would cheer her up.”
“You know…that’d be perfect.” I remembered suddenly. “I can take her to meet my mare.”
He stared curiously. “You have a mare?”
“Weird story,” I said, not wanting to explain further.
“All right, then.” He nodded. “I guess that would be okay. Mind if I come with?”
Then, I had an idea. We were supposed to do this every time, anyway. “Sure, in fact, since summer is coming, we should all go away; somewhere to just…relax and try to forget?”
“This officially sucks. Not only did I embarrass myself, but now he’s probably going to think I like him, too.”
“Well, don’t you?” he asked crossing his legs, so that they would be on top of the bed instead of dangling to the side.
“I know I told you before I did, but”—I suppressed a retentive sigh—“after what you said to me about Alex, I, well,…I had second thoughts.”
He chuckled a bit and took one of my hands between his. “I would apologize; however, you know I only wanted to protect you.” I smiled softly. It was more out of pure disappointment coming from what I thought Alex would be at that moment: a simple gorgeous being that liked to pick on the girls he liked.
“Hey…I made you smile,” he whispered smiling for himself in triumph.
“It’s the second time I have been able to do so since…you know,” I admitted.
He placed my hands back onto my lap, and kept on whispering. “You need to let go.”
I shook my head. “I can’t, I’m not supposed to.”
“Lilly, if she were here, she’d told you to be happy. She was one of your best friends, I understand, but…you can’t be…upset because of someone’s passing. That’s just how life is.”
Although, I kept fighting against the idea, I knew he was right. But still… “Well, I’m not allowed to be happy either.”
“Who told you you’re not allowed to…?” he asked questioningly.
“…myself?”
“Well, tell ‘yourself’ to get a grip and stop annoying you.”
“Jake,” I said, looking to the perfectly brown eye that wasn’t covered by straps of golden and jet black hair, “you’re right; I shouldn’t be moping and feeling all of upset since I know that’s not what she would want, but it doesn’t feel right to smile and laugh. It would be disrespecting her passing.”
“It’s been almost two months,” he added.
And I knew that. I understood the whole time-passes-by-people-change-people-forget crap. I just couldn’t smile all the way already. I wanted to, though. I sighed. I didn’t feel like talking about myself anymore. I knew if we kept this up, he wasn’t going to quit until I said I was going to stop being sad. I decided to talk about another subject that was worrying me instead.
“I fear for Brittany, though.”
His shy grin did not go unnoticed by me. “She’ll be fine.”
I wondered, how could he be so sure that everything would turn out to be fine? He said these things like he would bet millions of dollars on them and still be a hundred percent sure he’d win the bet.
“No, she won’t,” I argued. “She hasn’t been the same. Not one smile—she barely eats anymore…”
“She will.”
“Her bones are starting to show, Jake,” I started trying convincing him that I was right this time. Brit was transformed into…I don’t even know what it was. She didn’t bother to do her make-up anymore. She barely came down from her room to sit around to think like I did. She reminded me of a blooming yellow rose that was dying slowly and the colors of her petals were turning gray—as if the color was being sucked out.
“Have you talked to her?” he asked.
“Well, of course. I’ve hugged her; I’ve caressed her hair and told her everything would be fine when she couldn’t sleep. I’ve kissed her a couple of times and even told her about the things that I’ve done during the day—just to get to her to react…but…she doesn’t. I even think her relationship with Joe is over, I’m not sure.”
“What?”
“Well, she told me Joe had said he wanted to talk to her about something and, well…I don’t know what happened. Joe hasn’t been in for a while. Last time he only came to give something to Brit and that’s it.”
“What about in school?”
“He just sat next her in lunch.” I sighed. “I really want her back. I want to see her smile again,” I said desperately.
“I understand.”
“No, you don’t. She’s one of the main reasons why I like to smile; because I have her. I don’t want to sound selfish, but she’s the one that’s supposed to tell me that everything is okay, and yet…she’s so…broken. She looks so fragile whenever I see her. She looks smaller and smaller as the days pass by.”
We stared in silence for a few minutes…
Jake broke it off after a while. “Why don’t we take her somewhere? Maybe that would cheer her up.”
“You know…that’d be perfect.” I remembered suddenly. “I can take her to meet my mare.”
He stared curiously. “You have a mare?”
“Weird story,” I said, not wanting to explain further.
“All right, then.” He nodded. “I guess that would be okay. Mind if I come with?”
Then, I had an idea. We were supposed to do this every time, anyway. “Sure, in fact, since summer is coming, we should all go away; somewhere to just…relax and try to forget?”