A Step to Love

Everyone finished up and took their empty napkins to the trashcan. While Jake and Gabriel had a shower on the two bathrooms available, I encouraged Brit to not waste any second and she was in a corner talking to Joe.

I didn’t exactly have anything else to do. But talk to Alex…

Alex was resting his elbows against the house’s wooden balcony with his swimsuit still on. He finally stopped touching his eye.

I went to the kitchen and found a clean, small towel. I decided to put some water and warm it up in the stove. Then, I dipped the towel in the water for a few seconds, and squeezed it.

“You okay?” I stepped out into the balcony, holding the warm towel for Alex’s eye.

He didn’t look at me, but scoffed. “Cool as ice.”

“I’m really sorry about that, Alex.”

He turned. The inside of his blue eye wasn’t as bad as I had expected him to. It was only a bit red. The outside was a little bit purple, though. “I know it was an accident,” he said. “Besides, it was only a little water, nothing more.”

I giggled. “Sure.” We stayed silent for a bit, until my smile faded. Then I decided to break it, sighing in defeat. “Listen…I give up.”

“On?” He raised his eyebrow.

I got closer to him, and punched him playfully on his arm. “On being…‘enemies’.” I stretched the towel to his eye. “I’m really sorry about everything I’ve done and said,” I whispered. And I meant it.

I had just truly realized what I wanted to talk to him about. I just wanted to be his friend.

I knew he was thinking about it, he thought I was playing him for a small fraction of a second, because he tensed up. But, to my surprise, he finally said, “me too.”

I smiled, contently. “It just became pretty tiring fighting with you all of the time. To be honest, none of us are in the disposition of throwing at each other like animals.”

His radiant blue eyes frowned a bit. He finally took the towel away from my hand and pressed it against his harmed eye.

“Just, please, tell me what bothers you.”

I bit my lip. “You really want to know?” He nodded. “Okay; Jenny.” He started to roll his uncovered eye, and just as he was about to argue, I covered his mouth with his own eye towel. “Before you say something. I just…Alex, I don’t understand, okay? I swear that if you just explain to me why you’re with her, I won’t push you anymore.”

He took my hand and moved the towel away, so he could talk. “Why are you still on that?”

“I just want to know. And I know, ‘is none of my motherfucking business’, fine, but just tell me, Alex. Why are you with her after she cheated on you? Alex, even though you were completely mean to me, she doesn’t even deserve you!” Even though out of rage I thought they made the cutest couple of ignorants before, it was true. Jenny deserved no one. She was a whore, she was mean, she had no heart, I thought.

“Wel—”

“And that’s not the only thing that bothers me.”

He rolled his eyes again. “Really?”

“Yes, the whole bipolar act you got going on?”

“Bipolar?”

I scoffed. “Is it normal for you to ‘kiss’ people just because you don’t want ‘other people’ to be their first kiss?”

“I see where you’re going with this. It w—”

“I talked to your brother about it,” I admitted, relaxing my shoulders. “He told me this was some kind of ‘game’ you used to play, and that was when I told you I didn’t want to play it anymore.”

“You seriously know how to pick your days to hit me with everything,” he commented.

I noticed that Alex’s towel might be cold by now with the heavy breeze of the night, so I took it away from Alex’s hand. “I only want explanations.”

He sighed. “What did Jake say?”

Now it was my time to sigh for the millionth time today. I had to be open. I needed to understand him; otherwise I was going to end up running around in circles for the rest of my life, not really solving anything. “He told me the kiss was an excuse; it was a trick you did with previous girls, just to get them trapped in your arms. That way it was easy to hurt them. You and I didn’t exactly start from a soft edge, and that’s where I thought I saw your ‘true face’.”

“All right…is that all?”

“Not really, but say what you have in mind, and please don’t lie.”

His eyes shifted to his fingers and he lifted them up to start playing with them. “Since we’re in the verge of honesty here, I’ll admit I have truly done that to other girls,”—he looked up to me, sincerity, marked in his eyes—“but I swear, Lilly, I didn’t do with you.”

“B—”

He held his finger up. “And I don’t care how much you argue, I swear I didn’t.”

I threw my hands in the air and let them fall. “Why not me? I’m the perfect target.”

“Lilly, you’ve been through some stuff with your family.”

Right. I had forgotten about that. “Fine, then. Why did you push me away, then?”

“When?”

“I don’t know. The constant back and forth; some days you were mad, some you were sweet, like when we were sitting in the oak, or being at Joe’s house. And sometimes…, what about the pushing me against th—gosh, I can’t believe I’m even talking to you about this.”

“I hate Brody, you know that.”

“Wh—”

He laughed. “I did the wall thing to bother you two, you know I despise him being close.”

I hit him playfully. “Is not funny. The other ones?”

“I’m not exactly sure, but it wasn’t to mess with you.”

“Okay.” I let it go. Maybe if we did become friends he would tell me later on. I’m really one to push when I want to. “First of all, can we just forget about the whole deal with Brody and Jenny? Apparently they’re the center of our conversations and arguments most of the time.”

“Agreed. But you’re still a nerd,” he said, chuckling a bit. “Secondly?”

I stared in disbelief again, but also let it go. “Secondly, before proceeding with the first part, why…are you—”

“To make you jealous.”

“What?”

“To make you jealous,” he repeated, not showing any emotion whatsoever.

I was appalled. How could he say it like that? So openly? “I swore to myself that if you were doing this with another purpose behind it, I would be furious.”

“Lilly, she doesn’t care,” he tried to assure. “Our relationship is not even real; she’s going to cheat on me, anyway. She probably already has.” Then, he smiled a bit. “I just wanted a little whinny fun,” he sang pointing at my nose and I slapped it away.

“Alex…”

“We’re being open, I’m sorry. I just want you to realize Brody’s bad news for you, and admit it, you were jealous.”

I scoffed. I fought the idea.

…but I couldn’t anymore. “Fine, I was jealous.” He didn’t seem to expect that answer, because he stood there waiting for a while for me to say something else, seeming he couldn’t say something. I changed the subject quickly. “I don’t know why you keep saying Brody’s bad, though.”

He nodded. “He is, and so is Jenny.”

“Then if you’re allowed to be with Jenny, then, why can’t I be—?”

“Brody’s dangerous, even more dangerous than two Jennys.”

No, he wasn’t. “I will ignore that last comment.”

He only shrugged. “I’m just trying to protect you.”

“You should be protecting yourself,” I snapped, but then immediately regretted it. “Sorry, ‘not being enemies’ here.”

“So you said everything you had to say?”

I thought about it. “I think so, you?”

“Think so, too.”

I kept thinking about it. Maybe if I just admitted the thing I didn’t want to admit because of fear, things would be easier. Either that, or just back to complicated and weird.

Honestly, I was just scared. But no more. No more lying to myself. It only became true once I let others know. “Actually, there’s something else.”

He looked like couldn’t believe I still had more to say after our dialogue. “What?” He laughed.

I bit my lip again. My heart was galloping like crazy inside me; I tried to contain my pulse with my lip. Ridiculous, huh?

“I like you.”