Say Anything
Chapter One
I feel like I’m on a tightrope and I’m getting pulled in all directions, but none are directions I want to be pulled into in the first place. I just want to continue to walk until I get to the other side, but so many things are distracting me to accomplish my goal. I am, and will always remain, a completely confused and afraid human being.
Damn... this sucks.
I sighed and pulled my blonde hair out of my face, slipped on some baggy jeans and a pulled on navy green jacket. I should just let you know right here and now that my style is completely nonexistent. My whole perspective on style whatsoever is nonexistent. I personally think that wearing what you feel like wearing is better than trying hard to impress other people.
I finished by pulling my hair into a low ponytail and headed down the stairs and towards the door. I suddenly heard a loud cough and involuntarily flinched. I closed my eyes, begging to not hear another cough, but of course, God has something against me because I heard it once again, except it was closer this time.
“Where are you going?” I heard my father ask sternly.
“I’m going to school.” I said quietly while looking down at my feet. My hand was still on the doorknob and I was just about to turn it when my father caught my arm to spin me around.
“You better be back on time this time, or else.” He muttered, pointing his other finger in my face. I nodded meekly and he reluctantly let go of my arm and let me slip out of the door.
I passed by the driveway and took my daily walk to school. My father decided it’d be lovely to have me wait until I was eighteen to get my license because he didn’t think I was ‘responsible enough’, which I think is completely barbaric because he knows absolutely nothing about me.
I continued to walk, kicking a small rock in front of me, and sighed.
School wasn’t something I particularly liked. Okay, I’m putting that lightly, I hate school with all my heart. But I knew that without it, I wouldn’t be able to get out of this horrible town. I won’t be able to get away from my father’s grasp. I needed school.
After about 20 minutes of walking in the crisp winter air and practically freezing my butt off, I mentally told myself that I should probably dress warmer since it was basically January. I walked up the school steps and retreated towards my locker. I saw everyone chat about how their Winter Break was and all the oh so wonderful things they got for Christmas.
I let out an involuntary shiver and twisted the lock to the appropriate numbers so it would open.
“6... 34... 12...” I muttered under my breath.
It opened and I smiled to myself. I had been worrying that I would forget my lock code over the Winter Break.
I grabbed my books, stood up and hugged them close to my chest. I began to walk around campus while being shoved my absent minded teenagers. I inwardly groaned as one accidentally knocked me over and my books went flying everywhere.
Of course you’re thinking this is the time that some oober hot guy comes, picks up the books for me, introduces himself and we both fall madly in love, right?
Yeah, nice try.
I quickly grabbed my books and stood up to hear the school bell ring loudly. All the students who were once laughing with one another were now rushing to their 1st period classes. I finally got up and started to run to my class, all while shivering under the coldness of the air. I always somewhat liked the cold, mainly because I knew that being cold can easily be treated with a blanket or a thick jacket, but when you’re hot, even taking all of your clothes off wouldn’t do you much good.
I finally made it to my classroom and swung open the door. The whole class stopped and looked at me while Mr. Rogers just stood at his desk. He took off his glasses and tightened his jaw. My breathing quickened and I squeezed my books against me as tight as I could. I didn’t like to have all of this attention on me. Everyone looking at me made me feel like I was being accused of something. I felt like I was being accused of stealing the precious air of my fellow students.
“You’re late.” Mr. Rogers muttered as I merely nodded in agreement. I was never late, so he looked a bit surprised. “Since this is your first offense, Ms. Scott, I will pretend this never happened.” He then winked at me while I heard unappreciative groans from the students. I smiled submissively and darted to my desk, all while looking down at my feet. I was grateful that Mr. Rogers was giving me a break, but I wasn’t happy that he was just giving me one because I had never done anything remotely bad in my whole entire life.
I sat down at my seat and began writing notes that were on the whiteboard when a crumpled piece of paper was thrown right in front of me. I looked up to see Alex Carson, Derek Woods and their little gang smirking amongst one another. I looked down at the piece of paper and opened it slightly. Part of me knew that opening it would just make me feel like more of an outcast loser, but I did anyway.
‘Baylin Scott,
Why don’t you just leave the school already? Please deary, do us all a favor. You’re just a waste of space anyways.’
I shivered, but this time, not from the cold. I tilted my mouth to the side solemnly, crumbled the paper back up and placed it in front of me. I heard the continuous snickers coming from the boys at the side of the room, but I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of knowing that they made a difference in my feelings. Even though they did.
You see, I try my best to stay hidden from others.
And I know what you’re probably thinking. ‘Oh geez, it’s another anti-social girl crying because she has no friends in high school. Weh, weh.'
No. You have it all wrong.
I don’t have any friends at this school because I choose to not have any friends at this school. I think people are probably the most repulsive subjects of moving matter that has ever been set in front of my eyes. Everyone is full of flaws. Some flaws make people beautiful and other flaws hurt others immeasurably. Those flaws are the ones I choose to avoid. Everyone has them, so hence, I avoid everyone. Everyone around me are disappointments to the world, including myself. I'd prefer to live in my own devious thoughts than lay them out contemplating whether or not anyone else will comprehend them.
I am no one to anyone, and these people mean nothing to me.
I have set plans for my life. And I promised myself that nothing and no one will get in my way of full fledge self determination.
But little did I know, that one single barricade will break me down more easily than I thought.
Damn... this sucks.
I sighed and pulled my blonde hair out of my face, slipped on some baggy jeans and a pulled on navy green jacket. I should just let you know right here and now that my style is completely nonexistent. My whole perspective on style whatsoever is nonexistent. I personally think that wearing what you feel like wearing is better than trying hard to impress other people.
I finished by pulling my hair into a low ponytail and headed down the stairs and towards the door. I suddenly heard a loud cough and involuntarily flinched. I closed my eyes, begging to not hear another cough, but of course, God has something against me because I heard it once again, except it was closer this time.
“Where are you going?” I heard my father ask sternly.
“I’m going to school.” I said quietly while looking down at my feet. My hand was still on the doorknob and I was just about to turn it when my father caught my arm to spin me around.
“You better be back on time this time, or else.” He muttered, pointing his other finger in my face. I nodded meekly and he reluctantly let go of my arm and let me slip out of the door.
I passed by the driveway and took my daily walk to school. My father decided it’d be lovely to have me wait until I was eighteen to get my license because he didn’t think I was ‘responsible enough’, which I think is completely barbaric because he knows absolutely nothing about me.
I continued to walk, kicking a small rock in front of me, and sighed.
School wasn’t something I particularly liked. Okay, I’m putting that lightly, I hate school with all my heart. But I knew that without it, I wouldn’t be able to get out of this horrible town. I won’t be able to get away from my father’s grasp. I needed school.
After about 20 minutes of walking in the crisp winter air and practically freezing my butt off, I mentally told myself that I should probably dress warmer since it was basically January. I walked up the school steps and retreated towards my locker. I saw everyone chat about how their Winter Break was and all the oh so wonderful things they got for Christmas.
I let out an involuntary shiver and twisted the lock to the appropriate numbers so it would open.
“6... 34... 12...” I muttered under my breath.
It opened and I smiled to myself. I had been worrying that I would forget my lock code over the Winter Break.
I grabbed my books, stood up and hugged them close to my chest. I began to walk around campus while being shoved my absent minded teenagers. I inwardly groaned as one accidentally knocked me over and my books went flying everywhere.
Of course you’re thinking this is the time that some oober hot guy comes, picks up the books for me, introduces himself and we both fall madly in love, right?
Yeah, nice try.
I quickly grabbed my books and stood up to hear the school bell ring loudly. All the students who were once laughing with one another were now rushing to their 1st period classes. I finally got up and started to run to my class, all while shivering under the coldness of the air. I always somewhat liked the cold, mainly because I knew that being cold can easily be treated with a blanket or a thick jacket, but when you’re hot, even taking all of your clothes off wouldn’t do you much good.
I finally made it to my classroom and swung open the door. The whole class stopped and looked at me while Mr. Rogers just stood at his desk. He took off his glasses and tightened his jaw. My breathing quickened and I squeezed my books against me as tight as I could. I didn’t like to have all of this attention on me. Everyone looking at me made me feel like I was being accused of something. I felt like I was being accused of stealing the precious air of my fellow students.
“You’re late.” Mr. Rogers muttered as I merely nodded in agreement. I was never late, so he looked a bit surprised. “Since this is your first offense, Ms. Scott, I will pretend this never happened.” He then winked at me while I heard unappreciative groans from the students. I smiled submissively and darted to my desk, all while looking down at my feet. I was grateful that Mr. Rogers was giving me a break, but I wasn’t happy that he was just giving me one because I had never done anything remotely bad in my whole entire life.
I sat down at my seat and began writing notes that were on the whiteboard when a crumpled piece of paper was thrown right in front of me. I looked up to see Alex Carson, Derek Woods and their little gang smirking amongst one another. I looked down at the piece of paper and opened it slightly. Part of me knew that opening it would just make me feel like more of an outcast loser, but I did anyway.
‘Baylin Scott,
Why don’t you just leave the school already? Please deary, do us all a favor. You’re just a waste of space anyways.’
I shivered, but this time, not from the cold. I tilted my mouth to the side solemnly, crumbled the paper back up and placed it in front of me. I heard the continuous snickers coming from the boys at the side of the room, but I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of knowing that they made a difference in my feelings. Even though they did.
You see, I try my best to stay hidden from others.
And I know what you’re probably thinking. ‘Oh geez, it’s another anti-social girl crying because she has no friends in high school. Weh, weh.'
No. You have it all wrong.
I don’t have any friends at this school because I choose to not have any friends at this school. I think people are probably the most repulsive subjects of moving matter that has ever been set in front of my eyes. Everyone is full of flaws. Some flaws make people beautiful and other flaws hurt others immeasurably. Those flaws are the ones I choose to avoid. Everyone has them, so hence, I avoid everyone. Everyone around me are disappointments to the world, including myself. I'd prefer to live in my own devious thoughts than lay them out contemplating whether or not anyone else will comprehend them.
I am no one to anyone, and these people mean nothing to me.
I have set plans for my life. And I promised myself that nothing and no one will get in my way of full fledge self determination.
But little did I know, that one single barricade will break me down more easily than I thought.