Say Anything

I laid on my bed that night and stared at my ceiling. Derek dropped me off about an hour ago and I couldn’t help but be happy. We are friends again, and as much as I’d love to stay mad at him forever, I know that I’ve missed him like crazy. He’s the only one who had truly understood me. When we were best friends, he knew when I was feeling uncomfortable and he knew when I was feeling afraid. He just knew, and you can’t just pass up on someone who was (and could possibly be now) like that.

I turned over on my bed and took out a piece of gray paper from the stationary MM gave me. Even thinking about him gave me butterflies in my stomach.

Wow, I sound like some lame happy teenage girl. But I couldn’t help it, I mean a lot of things that were once so wrong in my life have gotten so much better. I really should realize though that all good things come to an end eventually, but right now I was too optimistic to think like that.

MM,

Ah, well, I guess I could tell you. I mean, it’s not a big deal or anything. It’s just that when I was younger, my father and I got in a car accident. Just the normal ones where car hits car. I ended up breaking my leg though, and had to take Vicodin to ease the pain and came to realize that it didn’t just ease my physical pain. I felt so completely numb and carefree when I took it, so even after my leg healed, I just decided I’d continue to take them. It got pretty bad to the point where I was throwing up all the time because of side effects, but I have died down and now I only get dizzy every once in a while. But I’ve realized that just getting letters from you has made me more relaxed to the point where I don’t get bad anxiety and have to result into taking the pills so much. I know that you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me, so I guess it’s a reassuring feeling.

So basically in a nut shell, I think I kind of have a crush on you too.

-Bay.

-x-

I walked up the steps to school like usual the next morning and just decided to walk past my locker to place my note inside the nurse’s box. I opened the lid and slowly slipped the letter inside. I then turned around and almost jumped to see Ryan standing there smirking.

“You really need to tell me why you put letters in that box every morning.” He said and ran his fingers through his shortish light brown hair.

“Don’t scare me like that.” I said and took a deep breath. He just laughed and shrugged.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to.” He remarked and I smiled faintly at him. He smiled back and then looked over his shoulder and then back at me. “Hey I was just wondering if maybe you’d, I don’t know, want to go to the movies or something on Friday night?” He asked nervously.

“Oh. Wow, um.” I began. I mean, Ryan was cute, but I honestly have major feelings for MM as stupid as that sounds. “Well, I-“

“It’s that Derek guy, huh?” He asked sadly.

“No! I mean no, no it isn’t him.” I stammered. “I just-“

“It’s okay, don’t even worry about it.” He said and gave me a faint smile. “I’ll see you later.” He then walked back in the direction where he had looked over his shoulder at before to meet up with his friends. I sighed while closing my eyes and leaning against the wall.

The first time I have ever gotten asked out by a guy, I have said no, just because of a mystery guy that I probably won’t even end up meeting if he keeps up to this non existent image of his. But still, MM is different. There is something about him that makes me feel actually worth something, and I don’t ever want to give that feeling up.

I reached up and ran my fingers through my hair before the bell rang and I headed off to class.

-x-

I sat in English class doodling on my paper while Mr. Rogers once again explained about something no student in their right mind would ever care about. I rested the side of my head in my hands and began to draw a form of a boy’s torso, I don’t know who I was drawing or why I was drawing him, but I just continued to draw. I was just about to move down to the legs when my cell phone buzzed and I was pulled out of my daze. I quickly took my cell phone out of my pocket and opened it.

You are coming over again today.

I looked up and saw Derek not even looking at me, but smiling and flirting with Justine. She was twirling her perfectly straight black hair around her finger and she threw her head back and laughed whenever he said something funny. I glared at them but quickly shook my head and turned my attention back to my phone.

Is that a command?

I saw Derek reach into his back pocket, still not taking eyes off of Justine and texted back without even looking at his phone.

Yes ma’am.

I grinned faintly, closed my phone and looked back down at my doodle, not even realizing that Derek was now completely ignoring Justine and was staring right at me.

-x-

“Please tell me you’re going to insert that for the college scholarship contest.” Avery said while eying my most recent drawing with pastels. It was once again a field with a blue letter lying in the middle of it, except this time there were more abstract colors and different surroundings. A girl was sitting in front of the envelope, just staring at it, while a small shadowed figure by the trees was watching her. I had to admit, it was probably the best work I’ve ever done, and it was all thanks to MM.

“Um.” I replied and looked back at my painting. “I don’t think so.”

“What? Why?” Avery asked diligently while tracing her finger along the trees I drew.

“I’m not sure if I want to be an artist when I grow up,” I said honestly and shrugged. “If I were to enter my painting in a contest for a college scholarship, I want to know if that’s really something I want to do.” I added and looked at my drawing once again. I knew that what I just told Avery was part of the reason why I didn’t want to enter, but I also felt like there was something missing in the drawing, like there should be something in there that isn’t right now.

“Alright, weirdo.” Avery replied and turned back to her painting.

“Are you entering yours?” I asked. I looked at her painting which was of what seemed like dozens of different bright vibrant colors that gave out a hazing feel. I just stared at it for a while and tried to think of what she was trying to portray, but I just got confused. Which I’m thinking now might be the reason why she painted it, to confuse someone and make them think harder as to which why she had painted it.

“Probably,” She replied and shrugged. “I don’t think I’ll win, but it’ll still be cool.” She said. I merely just nodded at her and looked back at my picture.

I sat down on my stool and stared at it. We were supposed to use paints, but my love has truly gone out to pastels lately. I feel like they give a deeper meaning to artwork.

I titled my head to the side while biting my lip. Maybe I should take MM’s advice. Maybe I should enter my drawing into the contest even if I don’t win, it could still just be a cool experience. Maybe I should just step out of my box and try to get noticed, even though I know that was something completely out of the norm for me.

But maybe I need a change for once in my life.