Say Anything

Today is Valentine’s Day. I’ve kind of been trying to ignore it. I didn’t know if MM was going to do anything for me because he hasn’t really mentioned it. Plus, MM and I aren’t even a couple, so it would be really dumb to assume he’d get me something. I don’t even know his name.

I sighed and headed downstairs. I called out my Dad’s name but he didn’t respond. He was obviously out with Barbara. I walked groggily into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator and reached out to get some orange juice. I was just about to grab a cup when I heard someone clear their throat behind me and I screamed bloody murder and dropped the carton, which resulted in orange juice flying everywhere.

I turned to see Ryan sitting at my kitchen table smiling amusingly.

“What the... hell!” I asked while trying to catch my breath. He smiled and got out of his chair to grab a paper towel and helped with the mess I created.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He replied and bent down on his knees. I did the same and helped clean up the huge puddle of juice.

“Well you succeeded in doing so.” I remarked. “What are you doing here?’

“My mom and I drove over this morning,” He replied and got up to throw the paper towels in the trash. “Her and your dad went out to get breakfast and they left me here to ‘entertain’ you.” I mouthed ‘oh’ and he shrugged and walked into the living room. I decided I’d pour a cup of apple juice instead and walked into the living room to see him playing Mario on my Nintendo 64.

“I haven’t played that game in forever.” I said while sitting by him on the couch. He laughed while jumping up Luigi and having him crush a mushroom.

“It’s only the best video game ever!” He replied and handed me a controller. I put my cup down on the coffee table and took the controller while he slipped in a different game.

“No, I suck at this!” I remarked while he put in Mario Kart, which was basically a game where all the characters of Mario got together and raced one another on cars. “I always slip on the bananas.” I groaned.

“Wuss.” He replied and I raised my eyebrows at him. He pressed start and I immediately failed horribly and he ended up winning 5 games in a row in a matter of 15 minutes. “Wow, you really do suck.” He laughed and placed the controller down. I just shrugged and picked up my neglected apple juice. “You know you’re not as introverted as I thought.” He stated.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.

“Well, when I saw you around, it seemed like you had no emotion on your face. It was weird; it was like you didn’t really have a personality. But lately you’ve talked more and have gotten more personable. I don’t know whose making you do it, but I like it.” He replied and I smiled at him. He nudged me with his shoulder playfully and we continued to play Mario Kart.

-x-

After Ryan left, I walked back into the kitchen to get something to eat. Maybe him being my future stepbrother wouldn’t be too bad after all. Yeah, he’s a stupid guy who likes to prove himself to people by doing dumb dares, but he was nice.

I grabbed an apple, took a bite of it and smiled. Maybe I have gotten more personable. I have been talking a lot more lately and have gotten a somewhat… less pessimistic attitude towards life in general. And honestly, I think it all has to do with MM, who makes me feel like I’m worth something. He makes me feel like I don’t need Vicodin to make me feel better. I wish it was that easy though. I have told him that I was cutting down on my intake, and I have… somewhat, but it’s easier said than done. I can finally say that I’m addicted to pain medication. Whenever I try to not take it, it’s like everything around me changes and I start to get antsy and panicky, but when I take it, it’s like everything is better. There is no stopping that feeling I get when I take a pill. It takes everything away, but sadly only for a while. It always catches up with me later.

Suddenly my doorbell rang and I placed the apple core down and sprinted to my door. I looked out of my window quickly but once again saw no one. I opened up the door and there lay a large red box with a baby blue envelope lying on top of it. I almost screamed at the sight, and quickly lifted it up and brought it inside.

I sat on my couch and lifted the box on the coffee table. I opened the letter and smiled.

Bay,

You didn’t think I wouldn’t get you anything for Valentine’s Day, did you? Come on now.

I hope you like this. It may take a little while to figure out, but I’m sure you will. And sorry if you think I’m flooding you with gifts, but I mean honestly, why did you have to be born a few days before Valentine’s Day? It’s like double the gifts. But I can honestly say that I’d rather be born on Christmas, double the gifts, double the holiday, don’t you agree?

Anyways, I am looking forward to revealing myself to you. I really am.

I know this may sound dumb, and forward and really cliché since its Valentine’s Day and all. But I just wanted to say that I think I’m in love with you. You don’t have to be in love with me or anything, I just want you know. Since the day I saw you, I knew that you were someone different. The way you think and the way you view life is so different from other girls I have been around. All I hear from them is what they’re wearing or how someone said the wrong thing to them and made them upset. You’re different. You don’t care about those things. You care about life. You are real, Baylin. And you’re everything I ever wished you to be.

Now before I get all mushy…

Not like I haven’t already.

I just hope you have a Happy Valentine’s Day.

-MM.

In some ways, things are meant to stay hidden.

I almost fell out off of the couch in sheer amazement. MM was in love with me?! Me?! The weird skinny blonde girl? How could he be in love with me?

Before I could contemplate on the fact that MM cared for me that way, I grabbed the red box and opened it slowly. In it was a picture frame. An empty picture frame. I groaned in disapproval as I turned it around and tried to look all around it. I didn’t see anything. No picture, no note, nothing. For ten minutes, I just sat there and stared at it confusingly and was just about to try to figure out the real meaning of it before my cell phone rang. I picked it up, not taking my eyes off of the frame.

“Hello?” I asked.

“Baylin?” I heard Derek say on the other line.

“Yeah,” I replied. “What’s up?”

“Can you come over?” He asked quietly. It sounded like something was wrong. Whenever something was wrong with Derek, he would talk quieter, and there was a certain edge in his voice.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Fine. Yeah, everything’s fine.” He replied and I just nodded even though he couldn’t see me.

“Alright… well. I’ll head over there soon, alright?” I replied.

“Okay.” He said, and with that, hung up. I scratched my head in confusion, glanced back down at MM’s gift, and pulled on my shoes. My dad had the car and was out with Barbara and Ryan took his mom’s, so I had to settle on walking.

I left MM’s gift on the coffee table, but stuffed his letter in my pocket and headed over to Derek’s house.

-x-

“There is something wrong, Derek, I know it.” I stated. We were lying on his bed in his room and he was just staring up at his ceiling and sighing every couple of seconds. I turned over on my side so I was facing him, but he continued to look straight forward with his brown eyes, acting like the ceiling was way more interesting than me. I reached out and touched his shoulder and he finally turned to look at me. He opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, his door swung open and there stood Alex, smirking.

“Sorry, did I interrupt a special moment between you two?” He asked and walked towards the chair in front of Derek’s desk. He grabbed it and turned it around, so the back of the chair was in front of him. He rested his arms on the top of it; laid his chin down on his arms, and stared at both of us curiously.

“How’d you get in here?” Derek asked while sitting up in his bed.

“Your dad let me in.” He said and shrugged. “How are you doing on this fine day, Lin?” He asked and I narrowed my eyes at him before he laughed and turned his attention towards Derek. “So Der, have you told her?” He asked. Derek looked at Alex confusingly and Alex just sat there, obviously extremely entertained. And I have a feeling neither Derek nor I knew what was going on.

“Told me what?” I asked and looked towards Derek. He just shrugged and looked at me.

“I honestly have no idea what he is talking about.” He replied. I could tell he was telling the truth because he was looking right in my eye. I turned towards Alex and he just ran his hands through his blonde hair and gave a toothy grin.

“Oh come on, dude. You know exactly what I’m talking about.” Alex said and Derek just scrunched his eyebrows in bewilderment.

“No Alex, I don’t.” He spat, obviously getting somewhat irritated at Alex’s attempts to be coy and vague.

“Tell her what you’ve been doing.” Alex retorted with his voice raised a little. Derek tensed up and stood from his bed. I just continued to sit on it, extremely confused.

“What have you been doing?” I asked as Derek walked over to Alex.

“Come on man, let her know.” Alex remarked.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Derek yelled.

Alex just got up from his chair and smirked before walking towards Derek’s dresser. He opened it slowly before he grabbed a pile of papers and threw them on the bed I was sitting at. I looked up at both of the boys confusingly and saw Derek’s face completely drop. I looked downward towards the papers, and saw that they were letters.The letters I have written to MM. Every single one of them. The pit of my stomach suddenly felt empty and I wanted to throw up. Tears immediately streamed down my face as I looked at all of the letters I had once written. The letters that I so personally wrote, to MM. I looked back up to Derek, whose face was in complete shock and guilt. He closed his eyes slowly before opening them and looking back at me. I suddenly felt really dizzy and stood up from the bed.

“Why don’t you let her know who the real mystery man is Derek?” Alex yelled. “I knew about this the week you started these. You suddenly started acting all weird and secretive about the stuff in your room. So I decided to sneak in when you were downstairs and I found all the letters from her, and some unfinished ones from you to her.” He remarked and then turned towards me. I just stood there. It seemed like everything was in slow motion and I couldn’t move any muscle in my body. “I tried warning you Baylin. I told you to stay away from Derek, but you didn’t listen to me.”

“Alex, stop!” Derek said pleadingly, but Alex just ignored him.

“There is obviously some motive behind why he wrote those to you. He could never love you, Baylin. I convinced him to stop hanging out with you the day he stepped on the high school campus. He agreed because you reminded him too much of his mom who died.” Alex spat. I was now crying heavily as I turned and pushed all of the letters off of the bed. I tried to run towards the door but Alex stepped in front of me.

“Shut the hell up, man!” Derek yelled at the top of his lungs. Alex just laughed and turned towards me. He placed his hands on my shoulders and held me still.

“Look at me, Baylin.” He remarked. “Come on, look at me. Say something. Say anything.” He added. Tears were running down my face and I tried my best to leave but he wouldn’t let me. He dug his hands into my shoulders and forced me to look in his eyes. “You didn’t know his mother died, did you?” He asked. “Did you think she suddenly just disappeared? Hmm? No. Derek here, your supposed best friend just didn’t tell you. Not much of a best friend, huh? He wrote letters to you as a joke Baylin.” He spat.

Suddenly he was pulled off of me by Derek and I took that as my best opportunity to leave. I opened the door and ran down the hallway and heard Derek call out after me.

“Baylin, wait!” He yelled. I turned around and saw Derek pleading at me with his eyes to come back to him but I quickly shook my head at him before running down his stairs, out of his house and onto the streets.

How could Derek do this do me? How could he pretend to be MM all along and never tell me?! I have mentioned Derek and Alex so many times in the letters towards MM, and he never said anything. He just went along with it like a little game.

I now knew his plan. He was going to use these letters to humiliate me and show the whole entire school how gullible and stupid I am for believing someone could be interested in me like that. He was doing all of this as a joke. How could I be so stupid? How could I be so naive to everything?!

Suddenly everything added up. His clues at the end of each letter. Everything he said about how there is always an ulterior motive.

Everything turned back to him.

He did this to mock me. He did this to completely destroy me. And it’s sad to say, but he got what he wanted.

Everything he said about needing me back in his life was a lie. Everything he told me was a lie. He never wanted me to be his best friend again. He just did it as a joke. I should have listened to Heather and Alex. I should have stayed away from him. I should have never forgiven him and let him take me to that stupid tree house.

Tree house...

Of course MM wants to be an architect. Derek built that house when he was younger with his Dad. I remember him telling me it was the greatest feeling he had ever gotten when it was finished.

I should have known! I should have known that it was Derek. Derek loves to build things. Derek loves to write. He’s creative and smart and a complete and utter ass hole.

I was almost to my knees when I entered my house. Pain was shooting through my body like it never has before. I have never been so heart broken in my life.

I walked over to my coffee table and saw the empty picture frame and sobbed uncontrollably. I quickly picked it up and threw it on the ground, which made the glass break inside of it. I saw a glimpse of a white paper at the corner of the frame, but I ignored it and used up all of my strength to head up the stairs to my room.

I swung open my door, went to my closet and grabbed my shoe box full of MM’s or should I say Derek’s letters. I took them all out one by one and began ripping them all up, not knowing any other logical thing to do. I cried uncontrollably and I could barely see anything. All I knew to do was to rip up everything. To destroy everything that ever had to do with Derek and MM. I was once again a fooled girl. I am once again that girl I knew before I started talking on a normal basis again. I’m that completely confused and afraid human being. I am not an adult. I am not smart. I am gullible and stupid and a complete dolt for thinking anyone ever cared about me. MM had promised he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. He promised me. And here I am, sitting on the ground of my bedroom floor, sobbing uncontrollably. There was no stopping the tears that were streaming down my face.

I quickly walked over to my nightstand, placed the recently filled bottle of Vicodin in my hand and opened the lid slightly. This would make me feel better. This would make me feel numb to everything.

I poured a couple of pills in my hand, but didn’t stop there. I poured more and more until I could barely hold on to all of the pills that rested in my one hand. I took all of them, titled my head back and gulped every single one, mostly two or three at a time. I kept going and going until I couldn’t swallow anything anymore.

I let out one last sob before collapsing on the floor and curling myself in a ball. Before long, everything became blurry and everything around me started spinning. Everything felt like slow motion.

And then everything went black.