Through My Eyes

My mouth dropped open. She was stood on the edge of the balcony attempting to throw herself down if Me or Danny took a step closer.

I stood there and studied the changes in her face. I'd never seen her like this before, her skin looked paler than ever,heavily shadowed bags circled under her eyes,her cheeks were tearstained, her facial features looked painfully thin,her cheekbones stuck out as if her skin had been stretched right to the bone.She looked like she hadn't been feeding herself properly and only then had I noticed and I couldn't believe. She was one of my best friends and I'd known her for seventeen years. What kind of a friend does that make me. 
“Maybe it should be me stood on that balcony not her.” I thought. 
I felt sick I couldn't  breathe.

“Laura Look I know it's been hard for you the last couple of days but please don't do anything stupid” Danny voiced softly.
“Shut up! Just shut the fuck up Okay! You have no idea how hard it's been for me the last couple of days! You haven't even notice a change in my behaviour have you!”
“of course I have! You're my girlfriend! And I'd if I didn't notice I'd be a pretty hopeless and pathetic boyfriend!”
“Well then why didn't you say anything?”
“Well I didn't want you to think I was forever on your case, I swear I was worried about you...I love you.”
“Really?”
“Of course.”
“That's why I was a bit taken aback when you were so keen earlier.”
She giggled and wiped a tear from her cheek.But that soon changed in a blink of an eye.Seriously and melancholy again.
“Ughhhh. Danny. Ruby. You don't understand, I have to do this and I have to do this now!”
“But why,Laura? Why take your own life?”
“B-Because..” Her voice wobbled.
She tried to redeem herself. 
“Im pregnant, Ruby okay? Theres a little person Growing inside me and now this?! You guys, two of some if the most important people in my life are related, bloody brother and sister an thats just too much to take in all at once.”
Danny looked miserable and alarmed.
“But what about us? I thought we had a future together. Me,You and this baby if you want it. I just want to make you happy…and your just gonna end your life, just like that?” He sighed.
“Laura,think about it…Your only a few weeks along,right?” I asked.
“Something like that?”
“Well then you've got plenty of time to decide wether your gonna keep it or not and whatever decision you make We'll be right here beside you, Me, Ruby and the others.” He perked.
She started to smiling.

“And if we keep this baby, I'll be there for you. I've always wanted to be a dad and if we abort it we'll pretend it never happened, wait till the time is right.” 
His arm was gripped firmly round m shoulder.
And at last her smile was defeating the tears. 
The chill if night was freezing me solid, and there was Laura stood in a short sleeve t-shirt.
I felt guilty all this was going on in her head and it was clearly hell for her and I was planning to leave 
2 O'clock the next day.

He slowly and cautiously started to walk forward. She laughed.
“It's okay,Im not going to do it.”
He reached out to her hand they're hands slid together, she jumped down from the ledge into his arms.
His eyes squinted shut, and he hugged her tight,the relief on his face was unreal.
“I thought I'd lost you.”  He bit his lip. And ground  his teeth. His bravery mask had slipped for one moment. I'd never seen him so vulnerable. A small tear of joy, dropped delicately  from his eye. 

I was relieved but the guilt was eating me up. I was about to leave and never come back, and one of my best friends was pregnant and had just discovered I was related to the man she loved. I could understand what had driven her to want to do it, I probably would of done the same in her position. If it wasn't for Danny,She 'd be cold by now. Cold, and still, and pulseless on the concrete. He was an amazing man and I was proud to call him my brother. I was actually quite glad  she had found out about it, I wouldn't of been able to live with the guilt of this dirty little secret bottled up inside me the whole time. And who knows how long it would of gone on for, Weeks? Months? Years even..

The three of us stepped through the double doors when Harry flashed up in front of me. Danny and Laura stared, they looked just as worried as me.
“You guys go.” I nodded.
The pondered out silently.
“Harry look before you say anything can I just say in my defence..-”
“-Shhh..” He silenced me, slipping one  finger on my lips.
“Don't say a thing, Danny explained it all.”
I bit my lip, hoping for the best.
“Ruby, why didnt you just tell me?”
“I didnt know how to, how would I of put it, ‘ Hi Harry listen, I'm related to your best friend someone you've known for seven years, yeah it's only Danny.’ I thought you might react badly.”
“You idiot.” he insulted.
“I know.” I sniggered. 
He gazed at me, my blue eyed boy.
“Come here.” He beckoned.
He clasped his arms around me tightly, I hugged back just as tight, never wanting to let go. He kissed me on the side of my head, still holding me in his arms. 
“Im sorry.” I murmured.
....
“I know… and I do love you.”
“Harry, I love you too.”

His arm hung on my shoulder  as he walked me to my bedroom. He gently let go as we came to the door.
“Good night Harry.”
“Night.” He whispered giving me a quick wink before slowly wondering left, he didn't even turn Away from me. 
I skimmed into the bedroom,guilty as ever. I collapsed onto the carpet next  to the bed. I wasn't gonna let anyone change my mind. No certainly not. Just then Emma, Laura and Zoe came in,I sat up and Accidentally made guilty eye contact with them. These were three people I'd known nearly all of my life,three people I knew like the back of my hand,three people I would trust with my life just not my chocolate.

“ You alright babe, what's up?” Emma asked, concerned.
“Nothing I'm just a bit tired” I lied.
“and because of everything that's happened today?” She predicted.
I slowly nodded.
“Nah, I get it, it's a lot to take on board... And um, you use cleaning to make yourself feel better?” She grinned.
“Yeah right this place is spotless,Ru!” Zoe commented, looking around the room.
I faked a smile.
I took my PJ's  from underneath my pillow and started to got changed.
“Oh you off already?” Emma said.
“Yeah feel like getting an early night for once.” 
“Oh well we were gonna have a movie night with the boys,like old times, if you wanna come down. Me and Tom bought the cadbury's and the popcorn earlier so we're all covered”   
 She replied.
“Oh no it's fine you guys go without me, you all deserve it after the day we've had.” 
Laura's eyes darted in my direction. 
The look of disappointment hung on their faces.
“um.. More like the day you've had! Come on it'll be like old times!” Laura spoke for the first time since the incident.
“I mean it guys just go, I need to catch a nights sleep anyway!” 
“Ugh your so boring.”  Zoe complained.
“Pffft, I'm not! And anyway you know what they say, sleep is the best medicine.”

They all started to leave, Laura was the last. I called over to her. She turned round and I quickly ran over.
“Look Laura,  I know today hasn't been easy but I just wanted to say thank you.” 
“ What for?” She asked smiling.
“ For not doing it, for not jumping, you're not really a friend to me at all, more like a sister…Well technically you kind of are now!” I laughed,loving my own gag.
“I love you so much,Ruby.” 
“ love you too, go on then.”
She smiled and toddled off.
I ran into the bathroom. I felt horrible,  I actually felt horrible.My mouth watered, I leaned over the toiled and sure enough the sick was emptied from my mouth.I coughed heavily, I took some mouthwash and swilled my mouth out. I ran back into the bedroom and buried myself under the bedsheets.So many thoughts were still racing around in my head, they exhausted me, And then I fell asleep.

I shivered slightly as I woke,no blanket, nothing. I cant believe I had nodded off that easily. I must of been knackered. A sunbeam shone directly onto my face. I heard voices. It was my girls.
“Alright sleeping beauty your awake then.”
“Ugh, what time is it?” I yawned.
“only ten to twelve lazy bitch.” Emma teased.
“What?”  I struggled, sitting up and leaning out of the light, remembering what Harry had said to me. I looked down, I had a bruise on my wrist, at the top of my arm and a huge one ony stomach.I flinched out of my position.
“What the fuck happened?”
“you beat yourself up in your sleep, it was quite scary actually, you fell off the  bed a couple of times, you were saying some weird stuff as well.” Zoe acknowledged.
“How do you guys know? 
“We watched you do it, you kept waking us up and every time you had a new bruise.”
“ Well why didn't you wake me?”  
“We didn't want to disturb you.”
“From what? The terrible nightmare i was probably having, cheers for that guys.” 
“Plus it was rather amusing.” Emma added.
“Oh thanks.” I huffed.
I stumbled out of bed, realising I was in the light again, so hard I nearly fell over as I drew the curtains shut. 
“Whoa, chill out little miss Dracula.” Emma chuckled. 
“What?” Zoe and Laura both said in unison, panicking.
Emma's grin slid down.
“ It was a joke guys...”
“Oh.”
.....

“Fuck until now I didn't realise How hungry I am.” Zoe complained.
  “You're always hungry you pig!” Laura said,laughing.
“Shut up!” She sniggered.
“I'm gonna go rustle up some brunch!” she announced.
“I'll come.” Emma said rubbing her stomach
“Same!” Laura hurried.
They all got to their feet,clearly hungry. 
“coming?” Emma asked,an eyebrow raised.
I nodded, not moving. They all left. I quickly changed into the outfit I'd prepared the night before. Cleaned my teeth and put my makeup on and waited for about half an hour. I wasn't there for brunch and not even Harry came up wondering where I was.
I grabbed my suitcase out from underneath my bed,poked my head out, round the door and peered left and right. It was clear, there was no sound nor a soul in sight. I hurried down the stairs and stopped just outside the living room. They were in there, not all of them, just some of them. I peeped my head more and more round the doorframe. Laura was sat on the sofa, holding her stomach, Danny and Zoe were sat on the floor, and Emma and Tom rested on the other sofa, both leaning down,Tom's head propped up onto u pillow and Emma lying on the outer side, her head leant on his chest just above his neck, her arms wrapped tightly around his body, they both lay still in unconsciousness, it was so adorable.

They'd just gobbled down a full fry up, I could still smell it.It didn't even make my mouth water, I wasn't hungry at all.I lifted up my suitcase so it didn't drag across the floor and said a silent goodbye. I snuck past the doorway.I decided to go through the back door so I had less of a chance of getting caught. Just as I tiptoed to the backdoor it started lashing it down with rain.
“BOLLOCKS!” I cursed.
This. Was typical. I didn't even have a coat. 
“I'm gonna have to peg it.” I thought just until I got under the trees for a bit of shelter then I would call for a cab
“here we go.” I said aloud to myself.
I rolled my sleeves down,pushed the door open and ran. It was so heavy I was soaked to the skin within literally  thirty seconds. I eventually got under the trees when I could of sworn I heard shuffling footsteps a few yards behind me. I didn't bother turning round, I was probably imagining it, wouldn't of been the first time. I ignored it completely and carried on walking.

“Wait!” A northern accent called out,coming from behind me.
I stood still.
“I knew you must of  Felt guilty about something, the girls told me about what happened last night.” Danny confided.
He paused.
“I used to do it to you know. When I got angry or guilty about something, I talked about it in my sleep, bruised myself, just like you.” 
I sighed.
“Do you know how selfish you're being? On me, on all of us.” He accused.
‘Hold on a minute.’ I thought.
I turned to face him.
“What?..” I muttered, utterly confused.
“You think I'm doing this for me? You think I'm doing this for my own selfish reasons?…pffft, you have no idea.” 
I waited a mintue till I said anything else.
“I've been accused of having an affair with one of my best friends, I changed Dougie. And now this? No. J-Just no. If you and her keep this baby I'm gonna be his or her's anunty. I'm gonna be the aunty to my best friend's child, my best friend who I've known for seventeen years, and I thought I could deal with that... But I cant.”
“Well…running away isn't the answer is it.” He pointed out.
I shrugged out.
“Come on, we'll all miss you.”
“No one will miss me.”
“ Yes they will, I will, your best mates, the guys and Harry… Well, I know how he feels about you,Ruby and I can honestly say-”
“Oh what do you know about it?” I interrupted.
“ A great deal! He explained it to me, everything.”
“really?… What did he say?”
“Well he said a lot of stuff but he said he's never ever met anyone like you before and  that he doesn't ever want to lose you and if he did he wouldn't know what to do with himself.” he explained, a huge smirk across his face.
“He said that?” 
“Of course, why would I lie about something like that?”
“Well I-”
“Ru, you mean everything to him, and you're my sister. Now I've found you, I don't wanna lose you again, for probably another couple of decades, I don't want that…Do you?”
I took a deep breath and thought about my options.
“If you leave, you'll be doing more harm than good.”
“I knew you know. About Zoe and Laura, Me and Emma, we knew all along…we saw them.”
“It doesn't matter, I forgive you. Like I forgave Laura.”
“ What so we're just gonna sweep it under the carpet? Just like that?”
“Absolutely.”    

I promised myself I wouldn't let anyone talk me out of it but he was just too good
“Danny, do you mean that? Cause if you don't they are just empty words.”
“ Yes! You're my sister and I don't want to lose you again. I couldn't  let you go without a fight.”
We were both still stood there in the pouring rain, getting beyond drenched, only a few meters apart. 
I cracked a smile, having Danny as my brother was the biggest blessing in the world. I dropped my suitcase and ran into his arms. Hugs from my brother. Tight and meaningful. 
“Thankyou Danny. I love you.”
“ Well I have to make certain that my little sister's not doing anything stupid dont I?” he smiled.
He took my suitcase and we staggered back inside, our soaked clothes weighing more than our own bodyweight.