Status: Finished.
If Only...
Chapter Two.
I wish he was here, laying beside me, holding me, talking to me when I can’t sleep…I wish he was here, and he loved me.
It’s 11:11 pm now; I make the same type of wish as always. I wish for him, for Kamden. I am pathetic.
And I still can’t sleep. I’m laying down in my queen-sized bed under my blue comforter in the darkness. No matter how tightly I close my eyes, how hard I try not to think of him, I can’t get him off my mind, and I can’t fucking sleep!
I’ve been texting him all day, smiling constantly, of course. My face lights up as does my phone as I get another message.
Kamden!♥
Hey, Mar, call me? I’m really bored…
Oh dear. As I read the message I get really nervous.. I want to call him and talk to him, but then he’ll know how awkward I am, and how I always stutter. He won’t want to talk to me again. I don’t see why he wants to talk to me now. Hm... I really do want to talk to him, though. Ah, fuck it, I’m going to call him.
I press the call button and wait.
“Hello?” a deep, handsome voice answers.
“H-hey Kam..” I stutter.
“Mari! You called. I’m glad. I was dying of boredom. How are you?”
“I..I’m oka-ay.. y-you?”
“I’m good! I have a new girlfriend.” he says happily.
“Oh nice,” I reply, holding back tears. This shouldn’t make me cry. God, I’m an idiot.
“Yeah. I’m hanging out with her tomorrow!” Oh. She lives near him… of course.
"C-cool.." I say quietly, now crying, but trying to hide it.
"Yep. So do you have a boyfriend?"
"No."
"Aw. Everyone should be dating someone!" he says enthusiastically.
I laugh, "I wish. I don't even really talk to people. I have like three friends. One of them is the guy I like, but there is no way he'd ever like me... Ever." fuck fuck fuck fuck.. Why did I say that?
"I'm sure there's a chance he'd like you." I'm crying to the point I can't really hide it now.. "Marianna? You're crying. What's wrong?"
"Um.." I say quietly. I can't explain this. I'd have to tell him I like him, and then he'd hate me. "Nothing. I'm fine." but, of course, my voice breaks, betraying me.
"I guess you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I'd like it if you would talk to me. You know I'll be here for you." he says reassuringly.
I smile slightly. He's sweet. But I cannot tell him. Ever. "I-I need to go."
"Mari, don't. Tell me what's wrong. Please? You're upset, and you're my friend, so I don't like that." he sounds kind of concerned. Ha, I doubt it.
"No. I'm fine. I am going to go now. Go talk to your girlfriend. Bye, Kam." I hang out.
Oh... fuck. Now he probably knows, and won't talk to me again. I am such an idiot! I hate this. I ruin things, and just... ugh. I need to not exist. I think it's time to take sleeping pills of some sort and sleep for a while. As long as I'm up in time for 11:11 I'm fine. I don't know why, but I can never miss that time. Maybe if I wish enough it will come true. I don't know.
It’s 11:11 pm now; I make the same type of wish as always. I wish for him, for Kamden. I am pathetic.
And I still can’t sleep. I’m laying down in my queen-sized bed under my blue comforter in the darkness. No matter how tightly I close my eyes, how hard I try not to think of him, I can’t get him off my mind, and I can’t fucking sleep!
I’ve been texting him all day, smiling constantly, of course. My face lights up as does my phone as I get another message.
Kamden!♥
Hey, Mar, call me? I’m really bored…
Oh dear. As I read the message I get really nervous.. I want to call him and talk to him, but then he’ll know how awkward I am, and how I always stutter. He won’t want to talk to me again. I don’t see why he wants to talk to me now. Hm... I really do want to talk to him, though. Ah, fuck it, I’m going to call him.
I press the call button and wait.
“Hello?” a deep, handsome voice answers.
“H-hey Kam..” I stutter.
“Mari! You called. I’m glad. I was dying of boredom. How are you?”
“I..I’m oka-ay.. y-you?”
“I’m good! I have a new girlfriend.” he says happily.
“Oh nice,” I reply, holding back tears. This shouldn’t make me cry. God, I’m an idiot.
“Yeah. I’m hanging out with her tomorrow!” Oh. She lives near him… of course.
"C-cool.." I say quietly, now crying, but trying to hide it.
"Yep. So do you have a boyfriend?"
"No."
"Aw. Everyone should be dating someone!" he says enthusiastically.
I laugh, "I wish. I don't even really talk to people. I have like three friends. One of them is the guy I like, but there is no way he'd ever like me... Ever." fuck fuck fuck fuck.. Why did I say that?
"I'm sure there's a chance he'd like you." I'm crying to the point I can't really hide it now.. "Marianna? You're crying. What's wrong?"
"Um.." I say quietly. I can't explain this. I'd have to tell him I like him, and then he'd hate me. "Nothing. I'm fine." but, of course, my voice breaks, betraying me.
"I guess you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I'd like it if you would talk to me. You know I'll be here for you." he says reassuringly.
I smile slightly. He's sweet. But I cannot tell him. Ever. "I-I need to go."
"Mari, don't. Tell me what's wrong. Please? You're upset, and you're my friend, so I don't like that." he sounds kind of concerned. Ha, I doubt it.
"No. I'm fine. I am going to go now. Go talk to your girlfriend. Bye, Kam." I hang out.
Oh... fuck. Now he probably knows, and won't talk to me again. I am such an idiot! I hate this. I ruin things, and just... ugh. I need to not exist. I think it's time to take sleeping pills of some sort and sleep for a while. As long as I'm up in time for 11:11 I'm fine. I don't know why, but I can never miss that time. Maybe if I wish enough it will come true. I don't know.