Find a Way

Franks a great guy, he really is, and Gerard really fucking loves him, there is no doubt in his mind that Frank is everything he’s ever hoped for.

The only problem, Gerard thinks as he looks down at his bare feet, are the things he has obscuring his view that he doesn’t want.

On other people, though? Breasts are fantastic, he loves them; the way they add that perfect touch of femininity to the already soft curve of the female body. He definitely does not hate women, not in the slightest. He just hates that he is classified as one simply because he has the same physical appearance.

Gerard is not a girl. He never has been, and he never will be, it’s really that simple. Nobody knows about his little dilemma except for his parents and Mikey, he’s introduced himself as ‘Gerard Way’ since the seventh grade when his mother switched his school upon his request.
‘Gee Way’ was a thing of the past. His mother had told him that if he had been born a boy, they were going to name him ‘Gerard’, why not go with what suited him?

He thought of all of these things as he inspected himself in the mirror, turning this way and that, poking at his rounded, pale hips that had far too much fat for his liking. Frank always claimed he loved Gerard’s love handles though, so he couldn’t bring himself to lose the weight. Gerard’s fingers skimmed up his torso, passing quickly over his breasts with a slight noise of disgust before stopping at the harsh, purple mark on his neck.

He rubbed it gently with his fingertips, huffing softly and shaking his head with a muttered “Frank…”.

“Gerard? Franks here!” his mother shouted from the top of the stairs. He was grateful that she was so understanding and always gave him enough time to pull himself together before unleashing Frank on him. Of course he loved the other boy, and shared almost every aspect his of life with him but this was one thing he was sure Frank would not understand.

The thing about Frank is that although he’s very accepting of sexuality, things that extended beyond just labeling yourself as ‘gay’ or ‘bisexual’ were far too confusing, and he made it very clear that he was not at all interested in women or what they had to offer.

He barely had time to tug on a pair of boxers and sort out his binding before he could hear Frank thumping down the stairs like a herd of baby elephants. “Jesus Christ, Frank! Take it easy on the stairs!” he shouted, snagging the shirt he’d previously been wearing off the floor and getting it over his torso just as the door flew open and he was immediately engulfed in an armful of Frank.

“Missed you.” He mumbled, pressing his face into Gerard’s neck and just breathing contently.
Gerard snorted “It’s only been a week.”

Frank seemed to think a week was far too long to be away from his boyfriend, nuzzling his nose against the other’s cheek affectionately “Let me make love to you, Gee.” His voice was soft, persuasive. But still, Gerard winced at such casual use of a name Frank had no real knowledge of.

His voice was low and caught in his throat “F-Frank no, we’ve talked about this. We’re…we’re not ready.” He insisted.

“You always fucking say that. I just want to make you feel good, baby. I love you, ok?” he pulled back, voice fading from annoyed to reassuring smoothly.

As much as Gerard wanted to put faith in those words, believe that Frank really would love him once he revealed what was actually going on here, he knew he couldn’t. There just was no way Frank would accept this easily, or at all even.

Frank took the silence as an acceptance of his wishes and surged forward again, pressing Gerard against the wall and kissing the fuck out of his mouth, tongue seeking out every unexplored space eagerly. His hands slipped down from the soft give of his hips, over the used cotton of his boxers to grope Gerard’s ass with a muffled groan and an obscenely wet noise as he broke the kiss.

“Fuckin’ love your ass, shit” he hissed, working a leg between Gerard’s and pressing against his thigh “Gonna make you feel so good.” His breath was hot on Gerard’s neck.

Gerard’s eyes were wide, panic flashing across his face. Frank’s thigh was pressed right between his legs, hands firmly grasping his ass and his chest pressed right to Gerard’s. Oh god this was it, he was fucking out. His hands flew up, pushing at Frank’s arms.

“Frank no, stop. W-We can’t.” he was practically begging, trying his best to push the shorter boy away.

Frank whined “Please, Gee. Want you so bad.”

He shook his head frantically, trying to get out of the firm grip Frank had on his entire fucking body. This wasn’t supposed to go like this, Frank was not supposed to find out about this whole thing this way and he was going to. Obviously there was no easy way to break it to him, what could he do ‘Hey, Frank! I’m not actually the guy you think I am because oh, hey, I’ve got boobs and I was born female.’. No.

Gerard felt like he was going to puke, could feel the bile rising in his throat as Frank rutted against him.

“C’mon, babe. I’ll…I’ll blow you or something, yeah. Wanna taste your dick.” He grinned at this new thought, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of Gerard’s mouth as he worked his fingers under the waistband of Gerard’s boxers.

Gerard shut his eyes, holding back tears as he gave one last attempt to shove Frank away but his underwear were already at his ankles and all movement stopped instantly.

Fuck.

“I…I wanted to tell you sooner but-“ Gerard began but paused when he saw the way Frank’s brow furrowed, the tiny quirk in his lips as he just sort of stared, making Gerard shift uncomfortably under his gaze. “Don’t fucking act like you’ve never seen one before.” He spat, reaching down and hauling his boxers back up.

Frank had yet to say a word; he just had this sort-of sad look on his face.

He was definitely going to puke, the fear was building with the silence and he couldn’t hold it back any longer. His eyes welled with tears as he pushed from the wall, barely making it to the trash before he emptied the contents of his stomach, eyes burning with the same intensity as his flushed face.

Oh god this is it, his life was ending. Frank was going to hate him and think he was a freak and tell everyone the truth, and Gerard’s life would end. He was going to lose it, breath coming in short, ragged pants between dry heaves.

But then Frank was there, on his knees next to Gerard rubbing slow, soothing circles at the small of his back “Shh, get it all out, baby. You’re okay…” he whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to his damp temple.

Why was he doing this? Why was he acting like he cared for Gerard’s well-being when he was just going to ruin everything Gerard had worked so hard for?

“Don’t fuckin’ touch me.” He hissed, batting at the arm around his waist “I don’t want your shitty sympathy.”

Frank paused, head tilting to the side a little as he backed off slightly and studied Gerard’s expression ”Sympathy?” he questioned, obviously not at the same level of thinking as Gerard.
Gerard snorted, wiping the back of his hand over his mouth “Yeah, sympathy. Don’t pretend that you’re still here for any other reason than you feeling bad for the poor little trans kid.” He sneered, sniffling a little before pushing himself to his feet.

He laughed “You think I’m still here because I feel bad for you? Gerard your choices have nothing to do with me, but I’ll let you in on a little secret.” Frank began, using the desk next to the trash bin as leverage to pull himself up “I don’t care what you have, I mean fuck…did you really think I stuck around this long because I was in love with the thought of you having a dick?” he raised one brow, fingers twitching slightly with the urge to lean over and fix a few stray strands of Gerard’s dark hair.

Gerard closed his eyes, leaning back against the wall and just breathing, little thought put into the words that left his mouth “I won’t be treated any different because of what I’ve got, if you’re really insistent on sticking around, don’t treat me like a fucking princess just because of…that.”

The shorter boy shook his head “You’re so thick-headed, jesus.” His voice was low, like he was trying to pacify the other “I’m not going to change how I think of you, ok? There seems to be a part of ‘I love you no matter what’ that you’re not understanding, and I can’t figure out which part that is…”

It wasn’t until Frank actually looked up from staring at his hands, twisting them together nervously, that he realized Gerard’s silence wasn’t him being an asshole but rather him crying. And then <i>he</i> felt like an asshole because fuck, he’d made Gerard cry.

“Shit, Gee…I’m sorry.”

Gerard shook his head “Don’t call me that, don’t even…just don’t…don’t use that name, ok? I’m not ‘Gee’, I’m Gerard.” His voice cracked brokenly mid-sentence, ending on a choked off sort-of sob.

Frank’s heart clenched in his chest, finally reaching over to pull him into his arms and hold him against his chest despite the fact that he had a good few inches on Frank. He pressed his face into Gerard’s dirty black hair, giving him a squeeze and whispering sweet nothings in his ear.
Gerard let out a shaky breath “I was scared you were going to freak out.” He admitted near-silently.

He laughed dryly, shaking his head as much as this position would allow. Oh yes, he was going to freak out, probably go positively nuts, but later, he would do it in the safety of his own room. He couldn’t just leave Gerard like that; he had to hold himself together for the other, keep his careful composure for as long as possible “Why would I freak out?”

“Because I’m a freak, I’m…I’m unnatural, and weird, and I’m…I’m a girl.” His voice broke off into a scared whisper at the end, tears building in his eyes once more “I’m not what you want.”

Frank shook his head “No, no stop there. You’re everything I want, Gerard.” His voice was quiet, eyes serious as he gently tipped Gerard’s head up, leaning onto his toes and capturing his mouth in a kiss.

Gerard’s mouth was warm, soft and inviting, giving in to Frank’s gentle touch easily. A soft noise lost itself in his throat, his hands frantic on gripping the fabric of Frank’s t-shirt as he pulled away just enough to let their foreheads press together.

“I love you always…” Frank murmured, eyes alight with happiness as they stared back at the teary ones of his love.