Kaleidoscope

Do you remember the first time we made love?

I do. I always will, in fact. Its memories like those that I revisit whenever the bed I lay on becomes too empty, and the nights too cold. Its memories like those that I cling on to, like a drowning rat desperate for a lifeline.

We were eighteen, barely grown-up, still children, and afraid; afraid of the world, of each other, of the possibilities that lay just beyond the door. It was a day after my birthday and we were sitting in Chun Hei’s old tree house, sipping on bubble tea and wafers. The air was warm enough so that we didn’t need to wear jackets but still too cool for a short sleeved shirt, and we had exhausted almost every topic of conversation we could think of. Naturally then, we started kissing.

Joon Myeon, the sensation of your lips on mine was the absolute best feeling in the entire world. Every time we kissed, sparks would ignite from the tips of my toes to my fingers, and warm liquid fire travel the length of my body. It was heady, intoxicating and wonderful.

I remember feeling your tongue probe my lips slowly, the taste of you on the edge of my own and the hot imprint of your hands when they settled on my waist, beneath my shirt. I remember my lower stomach tightening in anticipation, as we discovered parts of each other we never knew were there, and the heat that erupted every time you touched me here, there, there and here.

I remember the feel of your lips, on my collar bone, my neck, my shoulder blade – lingering on the spot right below my belly button. I remember the blush that warmed my cheeks when I realized that that was it, that we were going to... ‘do it,’ and I remember being happy that it was you, that you were going to be my first and if anything ever happened to break us apart, my last.

Afterwards, we lay there, locked in each others’ arms, and stared at the wooden ceiling above us. We lay there for so long, without speaking, just lay there; that we were surprised to discover the night creep up on us. From far away, your mother called out your name and wordlessly, we got to our feet, dressed ourselves and went down back to the house. When we had gotten to the front door, your mother insisting that you let Bae – Joon drive me home because she needed your help with something, you brushed your knuckles against my cheek – like you had that day when you first asked me to be your girlfriend – and kiss me on the lips. It didn’t bother you that we were standing in front of your mother.

“I love you,” you whispered. “I love you, my princess.”

I peered up at you then, heart trembling with an emotion that I couldn’t name and smiled. “I love you too, warrior Joon Myeon.”