Kaleidoscope

I don’t like dwelling too much on what happened after that kiss, Oppa. It hurts me too much, really, because for that single moment, you were mine – the way I wanted you to be. But when I opened my eyes to look up at you again, Ella Brights had pulled you away and was screaming something unintelligible at me. I had to focus very, very hard on her to keep from tipping over.

Ella’s anger didn’t surprise me. She had just caught her boyfriend kissing his so called best friend. It would have driven anyone insane. But she didn’t just stop at screaming, no. Throwing the glass she held at the wall behind me, she turned to you and shoved you. You didn’t react, not at first.

“How could you have done this to me?” she screamed in Korean, “I loved you! How could you?”

You just blinked at her. It wasn’t until she shoved you again that you moved.

“Love? Is that what you call sleeping with Oh Tae Joon last night?” The anger in your voice silenced the crowd. My breath caught in my throat and my head started to pound. Ella had cheated on you? But then... and the pieces all came flying together. You were drunk, you were upset and... I couldn’t finish the thought. I started to cry.

Big fat, treacherous tears rolled down my powdered cheeks and onto my dress. The silk was going to get ruined but I didn’t care. You had kissed me not because you wanted to, but because you had been hurting. You kissed me because you wanted to hurt Ella the way she had hurt you.

Ella gasped and covered her mouth with her hands and it seemed like you still had more to say but I refused to wait around for the rest of it. Turning, I made my way to the extravagantly decorated exit and out into the chilly night. I was sobbing then; weak and pathetic. I couldn’t believe how much I’d let myself fall for you. The pathway to the car park was dark and empty but I didn’t care. I just wanted to be alone, far away from everyone else. I wanted to hurt alone.

But suddenly, Tae Young was there; breathless. It looked as if he’d been running. I wiped the tears away and glared at him. “What do you want?”

He watched me, pity in his eyes. I hated it. I didn’t want to be pitied, like some homeless puppy. I didn’t want to be patted on the head and told that it would all be okay in the end. I just wanted to be left alone.

“Iseul-ah...”

“Go away, please. Just leave me alone.”

Tae Young didn’t listen. He moved forward and stayed me where I was, gripping my shoulders tight. His fingers were warm, wrapped around my arms like that. “I should have stopped him,” he told me. “I knew how you felt. I should have realized and stopped him.”

The initial shock at his words gave away to loud sniffles. I pulled him closer and covered my face in shame. Had I been so obvious that even Tae Young – usually so oblivious to everything – had noticed my stupid crush?

He brushed my hair back and made me look at him. “I’m sorry, Iseul. He doesn’t deserve this, not your tears. He’s an idiot for not realizing how you felt and for taking advantage of you like that.”

My bottom lip trembled. “How could you have known? I was careful not to...”

Tae Young tried to smile. “It doesn’t take a fool to figure it out, dong-saengie.”

I tried not to blush at that. My biggest secret was now, no longer a secret. Tae Young knew and if he did then... I shuddered. How long I must have seemed like a love sick fool to the others in school?

“You won’t tell him, will you?”

He shook his head solemnly. “I wouldn’t dream of it. Are you okay, now? Do you want me to go beat him up for you?”

I had to laugh at that. Winding my arms around his torso, I lay my cheek against his chest and breathed in the cologne he always wore. Tae Young made me feel safe, protected, wanted. He reminded me of Jung Oppa back home.

“Thank you for being there for me.”

He returned the embrace with a kiss atop my head. “I’ll always be there for you, dong-saeng.”