22 ways to drive a Vampire Completely Insane

I made it through the night without being murdered in my sleep--- or worse--- kissed!

The next day was Saturday, and my best friend Billie was coming over for the weekend. There was no question as to the fact that I would tell her about Ben, there were just some things you couldn't keep from your 'other half'.

I got out of bed, careful to not open the blinds enough to see, or be seen by Ben. 'It would be really embarrassing if he saw me doing something else dumb.'

I hummed a tune as I browsed through my closet, trying to decide what in the world I wanted to wear. I pulled a few shirts out, and ended up tossing them into a heap in the corner of my already messy room. My favorite kind of shirt was the ones with the stupid sayings on them. I had about 20 different shirts with that kind of thing on them so It was always hard to choose.

Finally I decided on my black, skin tight tee shirt with the words, 'Sarcasm is your bodies natural defense against stupid'

"So true." Whoever designed this shirt was a true philosopher indeed.

For my pants I grabbed my warn blue jeans with a whole bunch of random drawings and scribbles done in sharpie by muah all over them. The hems were torn, and my mother was always trying to get me to cut them, but I felt it gave them character.

"Billie should be here any second." She always without fail arrived at 9:21 am every Saturday. Just as I slipped into my outfit the doorbell rang followed by Billie letting herself in with a key we had given her a few years back.

"Darcy! I found the cutest picture of Billy Martin to add to my picture wall!" Billie yelled as she burst into my room. I rolled my eyes and sat on the floor to put on my converse.

She noticed my expression and she sniffed, "Your short, you don't understand because you don't get enough oxygen to your brain," We were constantly teasing each other about our height difference of 5 inches.

I snorted, "Your blond--- and German!" We giggled like hyper elementary girls with coffee.

"O My Gee! I have to tell you something!" I gushed, standing up and pulling her over to my bed.

Billie's eyes flared in excitement, she always loved gossip and jucie secrets. I sat on my bed cross legged, and she did the same.

Taking a deep breath to build up the anticipation, I pulled part of my blinds open and cheered inwardly when I saw that Ben was in his room reading on a chair.

Billie leaned over my shoulder to get a look, "Shmoo who is that piece of hunking meat??" Jokingly she licked her lips.

I waved my hand to silence her, "I know he's hot but you won't believe what the best thing about him is!"

Billie started to poke my side, "Tell me now or I will strangle you with my shoelaces!" The sad thing is she tried to once when she was mad at me for taking her pudding when she wasn't looking.

I shivered at the memory, "Yesterday we went over to visit them, and he started to do strange things! Like he read my mind and everything!"

She clapped her hands, "He is a vampire?"

I nodded, "I knew you'd understand." I smirked, "He already tried to kill me 4 times!"

Billy shook her head, "Wow, your losing your touch there Darcy." We both sighed, things just got harder to do when you got older.

I wrinkled my nose, "He kept trying to kiss me." She winced and patted my shoulder.

"But he didn't succeed cause I kneed him where the sun don't shine.

Billie nodded, "Thats the only way to handle that kind of situation."

I had a brilliant idea, "Lets go drive him crazy!"

If there was one thing Billie and I were good at- That was driving anyone and everyone within a 300 yard radius absolutely crazy.

She jumped off the bed and ran out of my room, "Come on Shorty we have a date with a vampire!"

As we walked across the yard towards Ben's house, we discussed possible plans to drive him nuts.
Each idea was more crafty and evil than the last, 'Poor Toothy, he won't know what hit him.

At last we agreed on the perfect one, and I pushed the doorbell happily.

"This is going to rock." Billy whispered as we waited for someone to answer. I hoped that one of his parents would because then we would be able to get inside without using force.

The door opened to reveal 'Perky' as I had nicknamed her. She gave a cry of delight, "I'm so glad to see you Darcy, and who is this lovely lady?"

I grinned, "This is my best friend Billie, we are insane." That was something I always added onto the end because we felt it was only fair to give people proper warning.

We entered the house, listening politely to her chatter. When she closed the door I piped up with step one of our master plan.

"Hey, we want to take Ben around town but I'm afraid he might ditch us sometime---" I winked at Billie, "Do you think you can threaten him on pain of death to stay with us?" I used my puppy begging look, something I had mastered when I was just a wee little lassie.

Perky smiled, "Of course dears, anything you want." She marched up the stairs and we followed laughing silently at her gullibility.

She pounded on Ben's door, "Ben open up I want to talk to you!"
The door opened and reviled an annoyed looking vampire.

"Mom what do you wa-" He trailed off when he saw us standing behind his mother, and I could swear he growled under his breath.

I smiled innocently then whispered to Billie, "I think he might not be too fond of me right now."

"What are they doing here?" He forced a fake smile on his face, and his mother happily took it as a sign he was glad to see me.

"Darcy pointed out to me that you may ditch her and Billie when they take you around town today, so if you do end up ditching them you will never see the moon again, you will be grounded from going out at night." Perky stated firmly, pointing her finger in his face and waving it threateningly.

Bens eyes widened in horror, "What the hell? I don't want to go with them." He glared daggers at my giggling form when his mother glanced down at her shoes for some strange reason.

"No argument Benjamin! You will have fun and be polite and no draining of any-" She realized what she was saying and glanced at me horrified.

I patted her shoulder comfortingly, "Don't worry we all know about Toothy there." I got a strange pleasure in calling him that because I could tell he hated it so much.

Billie snorted out loud, "Yeah Toothy, we both understand." She waved at him and stuck her tongue out at his rage.

10 minutes later the three of us were walking along the sidewalk towards the main mall in the small town we were forced to live in.

"How long till we get there." Ben hissed, refusing to look at either of us.

I snickered, "About 10 minutes, think you can handle that?" Poking at a man's ego was one of the best pastimes every invented.

Ben stopped walking and grabbed my arm, "I might not be able to kill you, but that doesnt stop me from breaking your arm in a few places." His grip was uncomfortably strong but I ignored the pain.

Billie growled and kicked him in the shins; she being a soccer player had quite a powerful kick so it was no surprise when he let go of me and held onto his knee.

"Be good Toothy!" She ordered, "boys who disobey us suffer the consequences, it doesn't matter if they are human, vampire or a freaking monkey we are the rulers." I nodded solemnly and added.

"Poor Dick hasn't quite recovered, his mother says that he still sees a therapist 3 times a week." Chuckling evilly at the memory, I gave Billie a high five.

Ben gaped at us in disbelief, "What the hell is wrong with you two? Are you the devil in teenage girl form?" He stood up again and backed away slightly.

I shrugged, "That has been mentioned a few times, but mostly we get psychotic maniacs.