Isolation Years

He lived his life off the charts. In a sleepy town such as his, it was an easy thing to do. No one paid any mind to one another. Everyone had their own demons to hide. Some were big, some were small. But regardless, no one wanted them to be exposed.

Of all the demons that ran rampant, Mikael’s were by far the biggest. How he was able to conceal it for so long, he wasn’t quite sure but he was thankful. It killed him just to think of it. He couldn’t imagine what it would feel like if his secret got out. Constantly, emotions rushed unbridled throughout his entire being. Occasionally it would affect him so badly that he couldn’t get out of bed in the morning. Migraines regularly ensued, causing him unbearable physical pain on top of the emotional pain.

The only way he could escape this pain for at least a few moments was visiting a small park on the wooded side of town. The park was nestled on a small lake. Its dark waters ran deep and cold. It was Mikael’s favorite part. As of late, he would visit more and more often. Sometimes he would bring writing utensils or a book to guide in easing his mind. Other times, the only thing he brought was himself.

There were a few reasons why this particular park was indeed his favorite place. For one, it was rarely visited. Only a handful of people would ever visit the peaceful little lake. It didn’t make any sense to Mikael. He had always wondered why, in a town full of anxiety, no one would journey to a place that might be of some comfort.

Another reason why it was among one of Mikael’s favorite places to go was because of its beauty. He loved to gaze out into the depths of the lake and watch as the ducks floated by. After all, they kept better company than any human could.

Except for her - the last reason why Blackwater Park would always be his favorite place to dwell. Her name was Rosemary, from what he’d gathered. She was quiet and unassuming. She would always be found in the same spot - a sole bench placed beneath a tree, just in front of the shore. She came on a daily basis, so it seemed. Every day she would sit on that lone bench and scribble down her thoughts into a small, leather-bound journal. Mikael liked to observe her more than anything. Though they had never communicated, just her presence there brought comfort to Mikael.

They had never formally met. Mikael had never planned upon it either. For now, he was content with watching from afar. She had never noticed him, at least to his knowledge. He would always sit beneath a tree to the far left of where she sat. In his shaded seclusion, he would read or write or observe while occasionally glancing over to her.

He didn’t know why, but he felt a strong connection with the woman. On the outside, it seemed she was a lot like him. Quiet and secluded. Always lost in thought. Though he was sure that, on the inside, her purity was nothing in comparison to the monstrosity he hid.

Mikael wasn’t sure that he ever wanted to formally meet her. He didn’t want there to be even the slightest chance of infecting her with the horrible person he was. So, all of his pipe dreams were laid to rest when he finally decided he would never meet with her. He couldn’t face the rejection he knew would come as a result of their meeting. Rejection and depression were two things he didn’t need any more of in his life.

Yet, his decision to avoid meeting Rosemary didn’t resolve anything within him. It was unsettling to know that he could be missing out on something that could potentially make his life better. As he dwelled on the morose thought, still sticking with his decision, he consoled himself by thinking about what damage it could do. He could ruin her life, and his even moreso than it already was. He’d be left even more alone. After her rejection, there would be no hopeful thoughts left. The only thing that would get him through his life was that hope. If the hope was gone, there was no point in living anymore. In efforts to keep that hope alive, as well as himself, he finally became satisfied with his decision.