Status: coming soon.
Isolation Years
Numb
With a heavy head and equally heavy heart, Mikael went about his life as normal. He tried to keep his thoughts about Rosemary minimal. It only brought more pain into his life.
On a day such as this one, pain was not a foreign feeling. It seemed that on every sepia-tinted, overcast day, there was an excess of hurt packed into the day. He felt a migraine set in as he realized why this was so. It was a day just like this one in which the his soul had delved into the depths of hell. A day like this in which he had committed the most vile of acts one could imagine. Emotion flowed throughout his body; hate, remorse, disgust, longing. The list was never-ending.
Mikael sat on his bed and put his palms to his eyes, clutching his head tightly, as if to squeeze all feeling out. He often wished he could feel nothing; he wished that emotions did not exist. Mikael reached for the bottles of prescription pills that sat upon his nightstand, poured a few into his palm and took them quickly. They were supposed to make the migraine subside, but he often took the pills in vain. Ingesting them didn’t cure him of his migraine whatsoever. The only thing it accomplished was creating a nauseous knot in his stomach. But, day-in and day-out, Mikael took the pills hoping that they would one day do as they were supposed to.
Understanding that they were not going to work yet again, he quickly got up, grabbed a few things and headed out the door. Blackwater Park was on his mind. He walked the short mile there, determined. As he approached the lake, he found his usual spot and sat down. Promptly, he gave a sidelong glance to see if Rosemary occupied her usual place. He furrowed his brows as he recognized her absence.
Not once, in three years, had he not seen her in that particular spot at that particular time. He wondered where she could be. He knew it should be of no concern to him, but worry still overtook him. Thoughts raced through his mind, wondering where she could be. Then a pain deep inside of him flamed. Perhaps she could’ve found something else, someone else, to occupy her interest. A wave of anxiety hit him hard. Even though he had made a vow to himself that he would not try to pursue her, the thought of her with someone else was unbearable.
For the first time in his entire 29 years of life, Blackwater Park was of no comfort to him.
His scattered mind tried to regain some sense of organization. His logic told him he was overreacting. He knew he was overreacting. And yet, he couldn’t help it. He sat a few minutes, silent in thought. There was a constant stream of thought running through his head. It rendered him numb, like he was in a coma of contemplation.
When he finally came to, he came to with a resolution. He had ultimately decided that, if he were to see her again, he would make contact with her. Even if it were only a simple greeting. It was killing him how much his mind was going back and forth on him. But this time, he was certain. He didn’t know exactly how he would approach her. All he knew was that he would, somehow and sometime.
On a day such as this one, pain was not a foreign feeling. It seemed that on every sepia-tinted, overcast day, there was an excess of hurt packed into the day. He felt a migraine set in as he realized why this was so. It was a day just like this one in which the his soul had delved into the depths of hell. A day like this in which he had committed the most vile of acts one could imagine. Emotion flowed throughout his body; hate, remorse, disgust, longing. The list was never-ending.
Mikael sat on his bed and put his palms to his eyes, clutching his head tightly, as if to squeeze all feeling out. He often wished he could feel nothing; he wished that emotions did not exist. Mikael reached for the bottles of prescription pills that sat upon his nightstand, poured a few into his palm and took them quickly. They were supposed to make the migraine subside, but he often took the pills in vain. Ingesting them didn’t cure him of his migraine whatsoever. The only thing it accomplished was creating a nauseous knot in his stomach. But, day-in and day-out, Mikael took the pills hoping that they would one day do as they were supposed to.
Understanding that they were not going to work yet again, he quickly got up, grabbed a few things and headed out the door. Blackwater Park was on his mind. He walked the short mile there, determined. As he approached the lake, he found his usual spot and sat down. Promptly, he gave a sidelong glance to see if Rosemary occupied her usual place. He furrowed his brows as he recognized her absence.
Not once, in three years, had he not seen her in that particular spot at that particular time. He wondered where she could be. He knew it should be of no concern to him, but worry still overtook him. Thoughts raced through his mind, wondering where she could be. Then a pain deep inside of him flamed. Perhaps she could’ve found something else, someone else, to occupy her interest. A wave of anxiety hit him hard. Even though he had made a vow to himself that he would not try to pursue her, the thought of her with someone else was unbearable.
For the first time in his entire 29 years of life, Blackwater Park was of no comfort to him.
His scattered mind tried to regain some sense of organization. His logic told him he was overreacting. He knew he was overreacting. And yet, he couldn’t help it. He sat a few minutes, silent in thought. There was a constant stream of thought running through his head. It rendered him numb, like he was in a coma of contemplation.
When he finally came to, he came to with a resolution. He had ultimately decided that, if he were to see her again, he would make contact with her. Even if it were only a simple greeting. It was killing him how much his mind was going back and forth on him. But this time, he was certain. He didn’t know exactly how he would approach her. All he knew was that he would, somehow and sometime.
♠ ♠ ♠
Thoughts?