Safe and Sound

Breath would not enter my lungs. Pain echoed throughout my soul, beating against me like a hollow drum as I lay crumbled somewhere, unable to hear the voices around me. I knew by the taste of metal and salt in my mouth that I was crying and that I had bit through my lip.
He hadn’t even looked at me.

What I had done was the ultimate betrayal. They would all be killed because of my actions; what had I done? In the next hour, the love of my life would be dead along with his family, their blood staining my hands red with guilt. They would forever hate me from this life to the next.

He hadn’t even looked.

My hands pulled out my hair as I screamed in anger at myself. All my life, I had been nothing but a curse, a curse that fucking ruined everthing. I was like the plague; everything I touched blackened, everything I wanted withered and everything I loved died.

Not even a look.

Someone’s hand touched my back and I reeled like a wild animal, jumping from my feet and ripping away from the contact. Through pulsing vision, I could see Hermione snatch her hand back, her expression hurt. It was a sad imitation of the hurt that I felt, the hurt that was practically crippling me.

“I did that for you,” I sobbed, looking at the three of them. “I just sentenced them to death for you. Don’t expect me to be cheery about it.”

Unable to wait for their responses, I shot down the sandy hill that we were stood on. I wasn’t sure where we were, but I could smell the salt in the air, knowing it was the smell of the ocean. Wherever we were was near water, and I wanted to touch the water.

The vast expanse of the beach shocked me, but I ignored the great size, heading towards the water and falling to my knees. The water was cool on my skin, refreshing as I pooled it in my hands and through a splash against my face, washing the tears that were falling.

Taking deep breaths, I was trying to calm down. Breathing took a whole new level of concentration. When I leveled my breathing, I closed my eyes. Slowly I felt as if everything in my mind were hanging by a single thread, like my sanity was slipping.

Never in a million years would I have ever though I would have acted out like that. It was a last minute decision, a split moment of humanity that had penetrated deep into my heart, urging me to do the right thing. I had no idea where the spurt of love for others had come on so great, but it had been enough.

“He didn’t even look,” I whispered. I looked down at my reflection in the waves, staring at my green eyes and my dark hair. Once I would have smirked at how beautiful I was. Now I just smacked the watery reflection with my hand. “I wouldn’t want to look at me either.”

Sitting in the water, my pain began to ebb into hate. I felt my pain grow into a fire, burning everything away in my body as I pictured taking the life of every death eater, of stealing the breath of every single one of their family members.

For hours, I pictured desiccating every single one of Voldemort’s followers. I pictured how I would do it, and that gave me strength. Standing, I let my hate bubble inside of me as I turned walking towards the only house in sight. I remembered my hate, and I remembered the image of myself strangling Bellatrix with my own hands.

Walking inside of the house, I found Hermione and Ron sitting at a table. Luna Lovegood was standing by a backdoor, gazing out in the distance. My brother was nowhere to be found as I stepped into the home, glancing around at the faces.

A pretty blonde woman looked up at me, her eyes going icy cold. She was very beautiful, someone I didn’t know, but I was sure was Fleur Delecour. Her husband moved around her, giving me a slightly more-welcome smile. He had red hair and the Weasley look about him. He must have been Bill Weasley, the oldest of many siblings.

“Are you alright?” Ron asked, clearly worried I would snap at him like I did to Hermione. My eyes cast to him. “Do you need anything?”

A rueful smile touched my lips. “Nothing you could give me, or would be willing to do.”

Ron was quiet, not sure what I meant by it, but positive that it wasn’t a good thing. Once more I scanned around the house, curious as to where my brother was. I wanted him to tell me everything. I wanted to know what I gave up Draco for, and if it was sufficient I was going to kill him myself.

“He’s burying the elf,” Bill spoke, noticing my wandering eyes. I looked at him, examining him with my eyes. He did not seem afraid of me, which was a change. “Out on the hill. Bellatrix caught him with a knife.”

I nodded. “How strange.”

“How is that strange?” Ron asked, somewhat confused. “She threw the bloody thing like a mad woman.”

“I meant how strange that he’s burying the elf,” I clipped at him. Ron leaned back, away from my tone. “Wizards don’t typically do that.”

“He isn’t an average wizard,” Fleur said pointedly.

My gaze turned to the French girl. I had heard she was greatly skilled in magic, having been chosen for the tri-wizard contest. Her blue eyes were glaring at me like daggers, not striking my fancy at all. In fact, it was making me extremely bloodthirsty.

“Have I done something to offend you?” I asked, no ounce of kindness in my voice as I turned my body to face her. The color drained out of everyone’s face in the room at my behavior. “If so, spit it out.”

“Alright,” she countered, crossing her arms. “I’ll spit it out: I don’t like having you in our home. You have been known for nothing but destruction and death. How can we know you’re not on the other side, and that you’re not working for them?”

A smile touched my lips, but not one of happiness. “You can’t know that. I say something and the mark on my arm suggests otherwise.” I pulled up my sleeve, showing it to her. Her eyes focused on it, fear in them. “Does it scare you? Do you feel threatened to know I’ve killed more people than you can imagine?”

“I want her out!” Fleur shouted, clearly put out by the threat in my voice. A rueful laughed escaped my lips, rolling my sleeve back down and shaking my head. “She is dangerous, she means us ill.”
“She won’t hurt us,” a new voice said. I turned to find Harry standing in the doorway, his eyes focusing on me. His face was unreadable, but I got the sense that he was mentally telling me to stop my show of cruelty. “She threw away everything to help us. She saved us.”

“How do we know?” Fleur demanded, no longer looking at me. She was smart for not trusting me, but I was becoming extremely annoyed. “How do we know she won’t kill us in our sleep?”

I extended my arm to her, causing everyone to jump up, wands out. I glanced around, snorting. “Don’t get your knickers in a twist,” I scoffed, rolling my sleeve back up and extending my hand once more. “I’ll make an Unbreakable Vow with you.”

Her eyes were guarded. “If you break it-"

“I’ll die,” I shrugged, knowing the rules. If I made this agreement with her and broke it, the vow would kill me. It would stop my beating heart, and I would go to nothing. Death did not seem so horrible to me now, it seemed like a back up plan. “Death matters not to me. It’s just one of many plans I’ve got.”

Her blue eyes examined me a minute longer before she extended her hand, hesitating and saying, “Other hand.”

“No,” I said firmly, trying not to smile at her wariness. “This is who I am. If you can’t make a vow with the mark on my arm, then don’t make one.”

She glowered at me before snatching my hand, holding it tightly. She reminded me of myself, fire in her eyes as she nodded for someone to cast the spell. Hermione stood, pulling her wand and waving it as the red hot lines of the vow wined around our arms, warm to the touch.

“Do you swear to protect those against the Dark Lord?” Hermione asked me, her light brown eyes focused on me. Something similar to admiration was in them as she looked at me. “Do you swear to protect what is left of your family, and to oppose those you once called allies?”

“I swear.”

“Do you swear you won’t let anyone get in the way of protecting us?”

I looked into Fleur’s blue eyes. “I swear.”

The heat faded and I dropped my hand from hers. A silence passed over us as I looked around the room. Hermione looked pleased, Ron looked shocked and Harry looked proud. His pride was lost on me though; I was nothing to be proud of. I was simply doing anything to get the guilt off of my shoulders, anything to lessen the pain.

“Now if you’re all done questioning me,” I muttered, “I would really like to sleep. It’s been a long couple of days.”

Bill nodded. “Of course, follow me.”

As I left the dining room I heard Harry murmur, “You should be thankful, Fleur. You have no idea what she’s just done.”

I smiled ruefully. She would never understand.