Safe and Sound

The grandfather clock in the house chimed eight times, signaling what time of night it was. I stood by my window, curtains wide open. I knew from outside that I was a dark silhouette against the glass, a haunting figure as I waited for something that seemed it would never come. The moon was waning, but it still cast a silver color to everything outside, giving a haunting feeling.

The house was silent after the echoes of the clock had faded. The house was always quiet when Bellatrix was out. When she was home, it meant prisoners were home, and currently, the dungeons were empty. Our last inmates had been killed in torture, much to Voldemort’s displeasure.

Bouncing on the balls of my feet, I watched the empty street with acute eyes. I was never one to have patience, but I knew that they would be there any moment. I knew that my relief would come when I saw the two figures walking down the street. I just had to control my fear and panic. They would be there.

Minutes ticked by. My breath fogged the window, the only indication of how close I was standing to the glass. After what seemed like a lifetime, two figures materialized from the darkness. They had shown up so quickly, that they hadn’t been there until a blink of my eyes.

The urge to run down the steps and to the front door was incredible, but I kept my cool. I had to bottle my excitement and relief for the time being, clenching my fists and urging Draco and his mother to walk faster. They must have been just as eager, cause they closed in on the house like sharks on prey.

Although I was sure he hadn’t known I was there, while Draco walked up the path, I saw the undeniable turn of his head as he looked up at my window. It was difficult to see his facial expression from here, but I could have sworn that even from a distance, his lips twitched.

Once they were inside and I was sure that they were out of danger, I moved away from the window, waving my hand and using wandless magic to shut the curtains. The room fell black except for a single candle casting an orange glow in the room. In any other room, the flame would have been warm and loving, but in my room, it cast a cold, dark feeling.

I stood in the middle of my room patiently, listening as footsteps sounded up the stairs. The door opened and closed, but I was already moving across the carpet, burying my face into Draco’ chest the moment he turned around.

Draco placed butterfly kisses all over my face, his breath warm against my features as he picked me up and carried me to the bed. I buried my face in his neck, inhaling deeply and reminiscing in his scent. He sat on the bed, still holding me in his arms as he placed his back against the headboard. I felt like a small, delicate child in his arms, but I didn’t care.

Looking up at him, I pressed my lips against his, surprised at how warm they felt. My hands were tangled with the hair at the nap of his neck, and his arms around me tightened significantly.

“I love you,” he murmured after pulling away for air, resting his forehead against mine. “I love you so much that it hurts.”

“I love you too,” I answered back quickly, closing my eyes and losing myself in his embrace. “I hate when you leave me.”

“You know I hate it too.”

We fell silent for a long time, the only sound our equal, level breathing. For all I knew, he could have fallen asleep like that, but I didn’t care. Silence was something that Draco and I shared intimately. We didn’t have to talk about our horrible days, our nightmares. We simply understood that we were sharing the darkness and the troubles.

“Blaise came over,” I said after a long time. I felt Draco stiffen, so I continued quickly. “I think he was questioning where he stood in this war… he seemed… like he was looking for consul.”

“And what did you tell him?” Draco asked, choosing his words carefully. It was like he was dancing around the edges of his irritation, trying not to ignite it.

“That I serve the Dark Lord and only the Dark Lord. And you. I live for you.”

Draco looked down at me, and I could see in his face that he understood what I truly meant. He knew that I had lied to Blaise and sworn up and down that my loyalty was with Voldemort and no other. Draco understood that if I was going to these lengths, lying to Blaise, that I truly meant to bring Voldemort down. That I wasn’t turning back.

There was a sadness in his eyes, and I saw him retreat from me slightly. My heart picked up speed, wondering if he was going to pull away from me, if he was going to shut me out. Draco had been for finding a way out of this, but I knew that he was not as determined as I was, that he was scared.

Draco lacked confidence in his defiance.

“What is it?” I asked quietly, cradling his face with my hands. I brushed my thumb over his cheekbones, looking into his light eyes. They glimmered like the sky reflecting on calm, serene water.

“I’m glad to hear you helped him find his loyalty,” Draco said slowly, a double meaning to his words. “It would be a shame if he was unsure where he stood. It can be very dangerous.”

I frowned at him then, pushing myself from his arms and walking away from him. I heard him sigh heavily behind me, but I could not face him. He didn’t want me to do this. He wanted to back out, he wanted to chose the easier side. Well it was easier said than done for me.

“Blaise is the kind of person who knows what he wants.” My voice was slightly defensive, but not on my friends behalf. “It may have taken him a long time to understand what he wants, but I know him. Won’t let up, he will. He has… perseverance.”

“Yes,” Draco agreed tightly, shifting on the bed. I turned to face him. His gaze was pleading as he looked at me, begging to stop arguing with him. This only made me angrier. “But Blaise isn’t one to think things out very clearly. He’s kind of reckless, always worrying about others when he should stay focused on his path, which is why he was so worried to ask what you thought about all this.”

I fumed silently. “Well, it’s good that he knows what he wants then. We can trust his loyalty.”

To anyone else, this conversation would have sounded absolutely ridiculous, but it was our way of talking in code. It was easier to talk about other people when we really meant ourselves. It was a tactic we had learned to use in the home, because we could never be sure when someone was listening. Death eaters lurked in the walls like roaches, and they were always eager to learn something new, to heighten their standing.

It was hard, not saying what you really wanted to say to someone you love. Through these fake words and plastic pretenses, I couldn’t tell Draco how I really felt. Not being able to tell the one you loved what was inside of your heart was like trying to put out a fire with more fire: it made everything worse.

Draco was the only person in the world that I could talk to. If I could talk to Harry, I would have tried, but it was an option. I wasn’t sure how in the hell I was supposed to do anything to help Harry from my position. I was stuck waste deep in problems, with no way to get out. Trying to be who I was meant to be when everything was fighting against me was difficult, if not impossible.

Draco sighed, seeing my struggle. “Let’s just go to sleep, yes?” When I didn’t move, he ran a hand through his hair, getting up and coming over to me. He took my hand gently and led me to the bed, nudging me to get in. I got in without a fight, watching him mutely as he stripped down to just briefs.

As Draco’s arms encircled me and I closed my eyes, I wished desperately for some sort of guidance, for some sort of miracle to happen, because I was falling apart at the seams with no needle and no one to help sew me back together.