Safe and Sound

Things were in motion. Change was in the air. I knew this, because I had a nightmare, even with the protection and comfort of Draco’s arms around me at night. It was the first time I had ever had a nightmare in his presence, and the sheen of sweat covering my body when I started away, told me that this would not be the last time I had one. It seemed that even in my dreams, Draco could not save me.

There is nothing word in the world, to realize that there is no difference between dreams and reality. Even those who have everything they’ve ever wanted, dream of things that they still secretly wish they had, things that are even impossible. But for me, there was no place to escape, no peace or threshold where I could teeter on the edge of reality and the dream world.
I was caught in the grasps of darkness.

Draco did not move when I started awake. He had been so exhausted from his trip that he mumbled in his sleep and rolled over as I slipped out of bed. The taste of metal was strong in my mouth. The pain when I touched my lip lightly signified that I had bit right through it trying to contain the screams that were trapped in my throat like a beast waiting to be set free.

It was not the first time I had been through the flesh of my mouth in my sleep. In this house, I could not scream or cry in my slumber. I could not whimper, moan, or whisper. Nightmares are the signs of fear and a good conscious. I was supposed to contain neither, and if I wished to maintain my life, I must keep that façade above all else.

With the dream vivid in my mind, I sat down in the bathroom, away from Draco and lit a candle. The flame cast a low glow over the walls as I sat on the cold tile, muttering a spell and healing my lip. I had become a pro a muttering small incantations of healing.

In my dream, I had been running. I could tell that I was scared, and that something very bad had just happened. The need to cry had been strong in my dream, but I refused to let the tears falls as I ran on a beach. I had to go where people could not see me. I had to get away from my friends who stood on the beach, mourning something.

I had never seen the beach before. That much was clear. Although it was blurry in the back round, I was sure that it existed nowhere in the refines of my memory. In the nightmare, I fell to my knees and let the sobs come, let the sadness wash over me. It was such an open, raw feeling, that I could not imagine what had sent me into such an emotional fit. Actually, I could imagine, but I did not want to admit it to myself.

For hours I sat on the ground, watching the flame of the candle flicker about, and watching the candle grow small the wax dripping into the holder. When it was nearly no more, I blew it out delicately, rising from my spot of thinking and padded into the bedroom.

Pale light filtered through the window. Draco still lay sleeping quietly on the bed. An entire night had passed, and it would soon be dawn. It would soon be another day of living a miserable life, a harsh life.

Going down stairs, I quietly requested one of the elves to make me a cup of hot tea. I needed something to wake me up, to get me out of the horrors of my sleep. It was quiet in the manor, unsettlingly so as I sat in the kitchen alone, but all I could do was stare blankly at the counter, wondering what I had done wrong as a child to get me here.

Many times, I had always wondered why I hadn’t been saved from that house along with Harry. How did it come to pass that I was the twin selected from the ruins of that house, how I was the child who was stolen, and name fading into only memory for years at a time. Harry may have thought himself unfortunate, but there was nothing like the bite of knowing you were stolen from what you could have been.

More often that I would like to admit, I wondered what it would be like to have my role reversed with my brother. Would I have grown to be as cold and dangerous as I was? Would I have had the strength to fight off Voldemort countless times, or would I have the bravery to do what my brother did?

I would like to think that I could have accomplished such feats, but I knew I couldn’t possibly. I was a selfish person, and I was a greedy person. I knew how to spot a weakness, and I knew how to manipulate it to my benefit. Harry couldn’t abuse someone if he had tried. He was too pure of heart.

As the sun rose, I sat at the table sipping my tea. It was scalding hot, but it could not seem to warm the ice that had grown like tendrils inside of me. I felt like I was a hollow tree, encased in ice.

After an hour or so, I heard the sounds of the house coming to life. Someone stirred in the kitchen door, and I turned my head to see Bellatrix waltz through the door, barking at an elf to bring her a cup of tea as well. Why she drank it, I had no idea. Tea was calming, Bellatrix was anything but.

“Morning, Little Lioness,” she giggled sadistically. Her black curls were as dark and twisted as the witch herself as she snatched the mug from the elf, giving him a right good kick as he left. “Sleep well?”

I bit back a nasty answer and smiled. “Well enough, thank you.”

“Wonderful. It’s a most busy day we have, oh yes. Come along, Little Lioness.”

*

Three days had passed, and two nights, each of which I was plagued by nightmares. I kept my night terrors silent from Draco, not wanting to worry him further. We had to many other details of our work life to worry about mundane topics such as dreaming.

I had spent the past three days weeding out witches and wizards in the ministry that were the strongest supporters of Harry, and the closest to the minister of magic. Voldemort needed him dead, and he needed someone cunning to get in and carve the path for Voldemort to walk through. Naturally, he had Bellatrix, Draco and I working day and night on killing off or mentally disabling many a witch or wizard.

The sky was dark with morning, the sun not yet risen. I stood in an unfamiliar home, robe ghosting above the floor, mask on my face and cowl pulled over my head. A dead witch lay in front of me as I slid my wand in my robe. She was just another of many, the last of whom I needed to pick off. Her wards on the minister’s house would diminish with her.

Leaving the house behind, I walked into the street before apparating. After swirling through the vortex, I picked up my walk once more, the manor in sight. Through the gates and through the door, I let myself walk down the hall and down to the basement his basement. Knocking once, I waited with a set countenance for Voldemort to permit me to come in.

“Come in, Reagan,” his voice hissed, cold and dead from the other side of the door. I fought a shiver and let myself into the dimly lit room. It was decorated as before: bed, couch, fire place. He stood in front of the hearth, as if trying to warm his ice-cold soul. “What news do you have?”

“Thelda is removed from the picture,” I answered, voice void of every emotion. This was how I was required to speak to him to be on the safe side. “Her charm was that protecting his house from apparating in. You are free to do so, now.”

Voldemort nodded, watching me with his snake like eyes all the while. “You truly have prevailed,” he rasped, “in every task I’ve given you. I can only hope that other death eaters so young can achieve what you have.”

He didn’t have to say it. I knew he meant Draco. Once more, I had surpassed the boy I loved in my tasks. But that’s how it had always been. I had always been good at being evil.

Inclining my head, I thanked him. “Your words are too kind, My Lord. It is only by your guidance that I have reached such skill.” More like my hate for him, but I would never say that.

He smiled, and I fought the shiver that slithered up my spine like his god awful pet snake. “So eloquent with words. Tell me, Reagan: do you fear your brother?”

I frowned. “My lord?”

“Do you fear,” he repeated. “That he could beat me.”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Why?”

A test. “Harry Potter may be a powerful wizard, but he has gotten by on sheer luck, and by mistakes that we were not able to for see. Too many outside elements have played in this game of wizard’s chest, and they have affected our standing in this battle for ill. But now the pawns are in our hands, and it’s time to move them. No one can interfere now. Everything has been carefully laid out.”

From the way he laughed, I knew I had given him the right answer. He was always testing my loyalty in this ways, as he did everyone else. He wanted to test you by your answers, because no matter how hard you tried to lie, there was always underlying truth.

“Simply wonderful,” he answered. “The way you answer questions. You remind me of myself, I must admit. Go now, and know that tonight, tonight the ministry will fall to my control, and when it does, we truly control everything.

*

“What are you doing?” I asked Draco, frowning. He had been gone all day, and had just returned only moments ago. I found him in his room, changing into dark robes. It was dark outside, and I wondered what Voldemort could possibly have him doing.

Draco did not look up as he laced his shoes. “Voldemort is killing the minister in the next hour. Team is going out to attack the Weasley’s house.” When my silence followed his expression, he looked up, face hard. “And what are you going to do, Reagan?”

I blinked, unfamiliar with the scathing in his voice. It cut like a knife. “I will wait for you.”
His expression softened at my words and he swept towards me, embracing me and kissing my forehead. I squeezed my eyes shut at his touch, trying to find something good in the world. I just wanted to live in his arms forever, ignore everything else.

His touch was gone too quickly. “You will wait?” he asked, looking at me to make sure.

I nodded. “As always, love.”

Lying was something that I didn’t do to Draco, but in a strange way, I had not lied. I did wait for Draco- but I waited for him to leave. When he left, I suited up, stalking out of the house. I caught Dolohov and Rowle, stalking down the street. Because they are the dumbest and the easiest to follow, I stalk after them in the shadows for a time.

Suspicion begins to grow in my heart as I follow them for the next hour, keeping a distance all the while. They are too caught up in whatever they’re doing to notice me, which is sad for them. I could have killed them a hundred times on these busy streets in London.

As the crowd thickens and I question where we’re going, I remove my cloak to blend in. There is nothing that throws off muggles more than walking around in cloaks, and unless I want to be spotted, I might as well blend.

Not ten minutes after I have finished blending, I pause to watch the two death eaters walk into a diner. It’s only then I’ve notice they too have removed their cloaks, and they are in workmen’s clothes. The sight is so odd that it takes me a moment to take a breath and barge in after them.

Everything in the room freezes, and I am perplexed. Dolohov and Rowle still have their backs to me, ordering coffee, but their reason for being here becomes evident extremely quickly, for Harry, Ron and Hermione are sitting at a small booth, looking just as shocked and confused as I am myself.

“What the bloody hell?” Rowle demands, and I realize he’s staring at me.

Everyone reacts simultaneously. At that moment, Dolohov spins and fires a curse at Ron, who has done the exact same thing. Rowle is too confused to do anything as I hit him in the chest with a stunning curse, and dive as one of Dolohov’s curses fly at me. Everyone is exchanging curses now, and the sound of things being blown to bits echoes around the café.

I know instantly that I cannot let Dolohov or Rowle get away from me. They’ve seen me, and I made a bloody fool out of myself by attacking them. It’s either kill them, or destroy their memory, but I know which one will come far easier to me given the chance.

“Petrificus totalus!” Hermione’s voice shrieks over the sound of the duel. Her voice resonates for a moment before everything falls silent and I roll from behind a chair, standing tall.

“Lock the door,” Harry commands after Hermione has just yelled at the waitress to go, who in turn, ran like a bat out of hell. “Get the lights.”

I waved my wand towards the door, clicking the lock in place and letting the blinds fall shut. Ron, who has some strange device in his hands flicks it like a lighter, causing everything to bathe us in black. Without hesitating, I moved towards the two stunned Death Eaters with my three companions.

“What are you doing hear?” Hermione demands, looking me suspiciously. Although I helped in saving them, the suspicion is clear and earned.

“Followed these two idiots,” I answered, kicking Dolohov. “I haven’t a clue how they knew you were here, but you are all being watched closely, it seems. Your habits, the places you’ve been. You have to be more careful.” I cast a look at the two death eaters and looked back at Hermione. “Erase their memories. If you leave it to me, I’ll kill them, and there is enough red on my hands.”

Without so much as another word, I stepped over the carnage and the wreckage of the quaint café. Behind me Harry calls, “Reagan, where are you going?”

I cast a look over my shoulder at him, studying him. Harry doesn’t want me to leave, and it’s clear in his eyes. I shrugged and said simply, “Back to the only place I can help you from.”