Every Now and Then I Fall Apart

He wanted to howl and scream and cry and punch and...
He didn't know.
He didn't know what he wanted anymore.

"Brother, open the door."

He looked up with wide startled eyes.

"Leave me be, brother, I beg you," his voice shook and he could feel tears pricking at his green eyes.
He could practically hear his older brother swallow.
"Loki, please tell me what is wrong."

Silence.
Thor let out a sigh and the younger of the two heard footsteps getting fainter.
Loki slid down the wall, his eyes lidding.

He couldn't tell him.
He would overreact just as always.
He didn't know.
Not that it was his business in the first place.

"Loki?"

His eyes widened at the quiet voice at his door.
"Loki? What's wrong?"
He swallowed and inched towards the door.
"Tony?"
"It's me, what's wrong?"
'You, you're what's wrong...' he wanted to say.
He unlocked the door.

The brunette pushed the door open and offered him a sad smile.
Loki sniffled and the smile left his face.
"What is it?" he asked locking the door behind him.
He shook his head and Stark let out a sigh.
"I can't help if you don't talk to me," he said sitting in front of him.

Loki stared at Tony silently.
"Bright eyes?"
"I..." he swallowed and looked at his hands.
"I saw you and Steve..." he said quietly and he froze.
Tony opened his mouth after a few moments but he couldn't find his voice.
"I thought that you cared, bu-"
"I'm sorry, I am. I do care and..." Tony sat back with a sigh watching Loki for a moment.
"I don't know how it happened, I don't love him, Loki, look at me?"
Loki swallowed, glancing up.
"I swear, it didn't mean anything to me."
There where tears in the others clear green eyes.
"Bright eyes, please," Tony's voice was thicker than usual.
He glanced up through long, black lashes.
"I love you, nothing changes that, I promise," he whispered thickly, staring into those beautiful emerald eyes.
"Tony, I..." he stopped, looking down at his hands again.
"Give me one more chance, I'm begging, Loki, please? Look at me?"

"I can't do this right now."

The voice was but a whisper.
The brunettes face fell.
"Bright eyes, don't say that," his voice was just as quiet.
Loki shook his head, pulling his knees to his chest.
"Please, Tony, I can't," his voice cracked and the other man sat back, stunned.
He'd really fucked up this time.
"I'm sorry," he hadn't even noticed he'd spoken.
But green eyes had looked up at the broken voice.
Tony looked so lost.
Because he'd known, that no matter what he'd be able to fall back on Loki.
But now he wasn't sure anymore.
The lost and terrified look in the dark brown eyes broke him.
"Bright eyes?"
Unshed tears making the dark brown orbs shimmer in the dimly lit room.
Loki's green eyes took in the broken brown ones.
"I need you now, tonight and I need you more than ever."
Last chance, for both of them.
Tony couldn't live without Loki in his arms at night.
Loki couldn't live without having Tony's arms around him.
But this was wearing on both of them.
"Every now and then I fall apart," he whispered and Tony sniffled, watching him.
"I really need you tonight, forevers gonna start tonight."