God Gave Me You

From the day Harper was born, I was determined to keep her as safe and guarded as I possibly could. The only time I left her alone with my parents was when I went to work; for fear that Cooper would have up and decided I was an unfit mother, thus taking her from me. I feared that anyone would take my baby girl from me, and usually anxiety got the best of me. I wasn’t on any medication for it, just needed to relax sometimes.

Harper was the light in my night sky. No matter what she did, she could always put a smile on my face. Half of the time, I forgot she was even Cooper’s. The two of them were so different, yet so much alike. Her curly dark locks matched mine, had I not decided to color my own. Her eyes were nearly gray, unlike her personality. The only genes and features she inherited from her father were her rebellious antics (only toward nana, though) and her tiny lips. Other than that, Cooper’s sperm had taken no affect on her precious egg. Maybe that’s why things weren’t so difficult, when he left.

From time to time, I worried about whether Harper would ask where her father was. I didn’t have to think about it, if she didn’t bring it up, right? Well, that all changed one day I picked her up from my friend, Annie’s, house.

Harper had been playing with Annie’s little boy, Blake. The two of them were nearly inseparable, and whenever they had to leave each others’ sides, the waterworks started immediately. See, Annie was a coworker of mine; an engaged woman the age of twenty-four. Each time Harper went over, whenever my parents had plans of their own, Blake’s dad, Danny, was always there. He’d greet Harper with a huge smile and hug, before venturing off to return to his work in the house. They were their own little happy family, and I guess it made Harper realize that things weren’t the same in our house.

Harper was a bright girl, no doubt. She was talking and walking way before any other infant her own age. She was using flashcards my mom bought her in order to figure out words, animals and numbers. If most people didn’t know, they’d think she was at least four or older and not two. She was a rolling ball of genius, so I’m not sure why it caught me so off guard the day she asked me about Cooper.

I remember it clearly. I had picked her up from Annie’s watched her and Blake exchange tears and kisses on the cheek, before I settled her into her car seat. I had only just started driving, when her tiny voice filled my ears.

“Momma?” She glanced at me in the rearview mirror, eyes puzzled and brows twisted.

“What’s up, baby girl?”

“Where’s my daddy?” Her voice was firm with wonderment, as she tilted her head slightly.

My voice, however, caught in my throat as I stopped at a stop sign and put the car in park. I took a deep breath, turned to her and bit the inside of my cheek. “Why do you ask, baby girl?”

“’Cause Blake has his daddy. And you have your daddy. But momma, where’s my daddy?”

I watched her face redden slightly at the sadness forming in her heart, which forced my own to begin to crumble. “Your daddy had to go away for a little while, baby. He, uh, works a lot in another state.”

“Why don’t he see me? He don’t love me?”

“Harper, he loves you very much, I’m sure of it. Work just keeps him busy, so he has to be there all the time.” I tired desperately not to let her hear the cracking in my voice, as I gave a fake smile. I leaned over and kissed her forehead, “But know one thing, baby. Momma loves you to the moon and back.”

“Love you too, momma.” She smiled halfheartedly, before turning her gaze to the window.

It took every fiber of my being to turn around and start driving again. How could I have been so selfish? How could I have figured our tiny little world wouldn’t need the outside world mingling in? Why did Cooper have to be such a dick?

When we got home that night, and I had put Harper to bed, I found myself on the computer. Well, on Facebook, to be exact. I ended up typing in Cooper’s name and came across a familiar face that made my heart and soul die a little. After clicking on his profile, the sadness in my being departed and loathing replaced it quickly.

The last two years had been spent by me thinking Cooper completely fell off the face of the earth, or at least the face of the town. I figured he’d move onto New York, just like he always talked about going to. But I had been utterly wrong. To my surprise, Cooper still lived in town. He was even dumb enough to leave his address on his Facebook, due to the fact that he ran a little photography business inside his home. I was hell-bent on making him rue the day he ever left me, and that’s just what I ended up doing.

After calling and waking my mom up, she agreed to come over and watch Harper and the house. I lied to her, told her I needed to go to Wal-Mart for tampons, but ended up writing down Cooper’s address and peeling out. When I stopped in front of his white sided house with black shudders, I cringed a little.

Had he moved on, knowing he had a child floating around somewhere? Was he inside that very house, fucking another innocent girl, only to leave her as well? Did he miss me, even the slightest? Did I even want him to miss me?

The only way to find out was to grow a pair and knock on his door. After twenty minutes of fighting with myself, I ended up shutting the car off, getting out and walking up the path to his front door. The house was eerily quiet, even though the television flickered through the white, lace curtains in what was assumed the living room. I hesitated with my hand near the door, balled in a shaky fist, before I took a deep breath and knocked three times.

“Coming!” His voice called from within, forcing my heart to speed up with adrenaline beginning to kick into my veins.

Did I really want to do this? Hell no. Did I need to? Yes, yes I did. For Harper’s sake, I needed to talk to her father; to the man who ruined me.