Open Your Eyes

"Why didn't you tell me that your dad was the owner of the restaurant?" I had crashed right into Evan, his face all smiles, on my way to his door. "That was miserable!" I watched as his face fell and he started to concentrate on something he was thinking long and hard about.

The interview wasn't too bad. Mostly Jack just talked about my family and how he and my dad have to go on a fishing trip real soon. I told him that my dad was staying in Prince Edward Island to finish up some business papers and would be here in a month but he just shrugged me off and asked for his number. Which, of course, I gave to him gladly. It made me think about the family barbecues we used to have in the backyard. Even though Evan's family always attended we still considered them a family event. After all, they were practically family. The men would drink beer and talk about their fishing trips while the women would drink long island and talk about everything else. Evan and I would do our own thing which mostly consisted of taking the labels off of our Dad's Root Beer bottles and pretending we were drinking real beer. We would make up toasts and then forget about them entirely while we ran around causing chaos.

I really hoped that things could get back to that point.
Well, except this time Evan and I could enjoy real liquor and do something more productive with ourselves. I think we really annoyed our parents back then. Really though, what are kids if not things to create noise? I wish my mom would stop acting so weird around me every time I mention Evan to her. We'll be having a conversation and I'll start talking to her about Evan and the blood will drain from her face. It's like she's choosing not to tell me something. When I'm with Evan and she sees us she never says anything to him. It's like he's completely invisible to her. Except for the fact that he's clearly not and she's just being rude. It's really starting to irritate me.

"I didn't think it was that big of a deal." Evan said leading the way to the nearby park. The park was another thing that sparked memories within me. Whenever Evan and I wanted to escape from something we would always meet up and then head off to the park. It's not really a park at all though. It's more like a meadow with a wooden sign on the far left side of it saying "Lukan Park." If you keep walking past the sign it leads you to a forest and that forest holds the tree house that we built. Okay, so technically we didn't build it. It was already there and we just decided to fix it up. We had come here during the week just to check it out and see if it was still standing and sure enough, it was. We didn't have time to explore though so we said we would go after my interview.

"Are you kidding me? I had to spend half an hour with this guy Kindle in the washroom while he fixed my hair and talked about how your dad was really picky with who he chose to hire ever since the accident. I was terrified! I could have used a heads up." Evan's complexion turned a very pale colour and his eyes glazed over. He didn't respond for a few seconds which worried me because he looked like he was about to pass out.

"You talked to Kindle?" Was the only thing he said. "He told you about the accident?" Something in his voice told me there was something that I was missing out on. I wasn't going to press him on it though since the subject seemed like a touchy one and we were still getting used to each other again. I had to admit that being reunited with my childhood best friend has been a little strange for me. I can't pin point exactly why though; it just is.

"The gay one, with the funny personality? Yeah, I talked to him. He only mentioned the accident briefly and I assumed he was talking about the thing you told me about Burks. It made sense; your dad loved that horse too." I said shrugging as we entered the forested area of "Lukan Park."

"Oh." He said perking up again. "So, how was the interview anyways? Was my dad hard on you?" We walked further into the forest and I huddled up closer to him hoping that his body heat would keep me warm under the shaded trees. He wrapped his arm loosely around my shoulders like he used to do when we were little.

"He only asked me a few questions and then he changed the topic to my family. He told me he was just going to look over a few things and that he'd give me a call later tonight even though you guys lives right next door." We reached the tree house and peered up at it. It definitely looked more damaged than before I moved the first time, but it was still durable and able to hold us up. The tree-branch latter we created and nailed to the trunk was still intact and the door at the top of it had been pecked at by woodpeckers but was still good as well.

"You've got the job." He whispered in my ear and then winked at me. He took his arm off of me and began to climb the steps until he reached the top. I watched as he budged the door open and then cleared out the branches and leaves that had fallen in. "Our beanie bag chairs are still in here! And we hardly have to fix the place up at all, we should add some more wood to make it stronger but that's about it. The door we built was pretty good at keeping our stuff safe."

"Our beanie bag chairs!" I shouted as I started to climb to the top. I had forgotten that we actually kept things in here when we were younger. It makes sense that it would still be here seeing as we were informed about my moving plans last minute and didn't have time to remove anything. Once I got inside I was immediately filled with a warm feeling in my stomach. This place held some of my best memories with Evan. We'd just talk and do activities to get our minds off of things. The beanie bag chairs were still there like he said, the blue one being his and the pink one mine, our built in book shelf still sat there with our copy of "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe" which was pretty warn out from the years and the weather. There was also the painting that Evan drew me of Hansel and me, hanging on the right side wall which had been smudged into a black blob in the middle of the page. If you looked closely though, you could still make out the outline of the horse. The outline of me, however, was pretty much destroyed. I looked over at Evan who was sitting in his beanie bag chair examining something written on the wall.

"The pact: we must tell each other everything, we must listen to each other always, we must never judge one another or make fun of one another, most of all, we must promise to always love each other and to be there for each other." He read out the words slowly and almost like a whisper while he traced the words with his fingers. "We both signed it." His face broke out into a grin and I leaned over him to take a good look. The letters were scribbly and small but you could still tell what they said.

"How on earth did we write that much on a piece of wood?" I said squinting my eyes so I could read the words better. Right below the pact there was Evan's signature, which was basically a cursive "e" with a line through it, and then mine, which was my name with a heart in the middle and a squiggle at the end. I still signed everything the same way today, well... minus the heart part anyways.

"I think we took turns. Plus we were bored so we probably did it over the course of a few days. We were never the type to stick to one task for long; we always got distracted." I sat down on my beanie bag chair which was propped in front of his and smiled at him. "What?" He said hesitantly.

"Nothing," I said shrugging, "I just never realized how much I missed all of this, you know? How much I missed you." I suddenly felt very small at the realization of what I said. I started picking at a piece of the wood that was already chipping and concentrated on that instead of the look on Evan's face. Something told me that he was either going to react sensitively or he was going to go on a cocky binge. It was really hard to tell with him sometimes.

"Of course you missed me, silly. I'm pretty hard to not miss." He crossed his arms over his chest and winked at me. I stuck out my foot and kicked him lightly in the leg. "Plus, the pact pretty much implies that we must always miss each other. I mean, I've missed you too. After you left things never really were the same for me."

"What do you mean?" I asked, this time looking up to meet his ocean blues with my chocolate browns. I still continued to chip away at the wood though which provided me with a kind of comfort that is hard to describe. It's not like Evan made me uncomfortable, it was just that it felt like we were about to run head first into a conversation that could either make us or break us. I really didn't want to lose him again.

"I just mean that..." He took a long pause before speaking again, "you were practically my whole life, you know? I never really talked to anyone else and after you left I had no one. My parents were too self-absorbed with opening their restaurant and you never kept in touch. I mean, I had Burks who got me through a lot of things, but he could never talk back which made me miss you more. I always liked hearing your insight." He said this slowly, almost like a whisper so that I couldn't hear it. He was being vulnerable, and he hated being vulnerable. I reached over and touched his hand but he moved it back. Instead I went over and sat on his beanie bag chair with him and leaned my head against his shoulder while wrapping my one arm around him.

"I'm really sorry, Evan. I always talked about you, you know? I told my friend Elizabeth about you." I smiled remembering the phone conversation and how she remembered everything I had told her before about Evan. "I think you would have liked her. She's a lot like us in a way, but she's different. And-" He cut me off and moved an inch away from while looking straight into my eyes with the most intense look.

"But you never kept in touch. Talking about me and talking to me are two massively different things. We spent every single day together. Every single day. You knew what was going on in my life; you knew how bad I needed someone to be there. When I asked you to run away it was because I couldn't lose the only person I had in the world." I felt my heart stop for a second before continuing to beat normally. I couldn't believe how fast our conversation had completely changed its course.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, "I was younger, I was a horrible person. Maybe I still am. I needed you too though, Evan. I really did but I was scared. I don't know why I was scared, but-"

"Try and explain it."

"I hardly understand it myself though! You were there one second and then I was in P.E.I, and you weren't with me. The fact that I had to face the world alone without the one person who could always make me laugh... that was scary. I think if I had gotten in touch with you I wouldn't have been able to let go of you and live my life as openly as I had." I could feel water prickling behind my eyelashes but I wouldn't cry. I just wouldn't.

"So you shut me out so that you could have a better life? I didn't realize I was such a drag." He said standing up and heading over to the door. He had to crouch a bit but he made it just fine. I tried grabbing his arm to get him to stay but he shrugged me off and left the tree house without looking back. I sat there for an hour after that, replaying our conversation in my head and wondering where it went wrong. It was just me again. Me without Evan in my escape house. It didn't feel right without him here with me.