How the Heart Beats

Back at headquarters, I went straight to the gym and pretended the punching back was myself. When I was done with it, the bag was pulverized, limp and hanging from one less chain than before. My knuckles were sore, but I wasn’t ready to stop there. As I climbed onto the treadmill, a hand gripped my shoulder. Too tired to think rationally, I spun around and punched the person in the face. I looked down only to find Seb on the ground several feet away, blood spurting from his nose.

“What the fuck, Shadow?” His muffled growl put a small smile on my face. It felt good to hit someone living, as opposed to the punching bag.

“Sorry dude,” I said, stepping off the treadmill and helping him up. “Natural reaction.” I shrugged; we both knew he shouldn’t have done that. He was only lucky I used my fist and not a real weapon.

“I think you broke my nose,” He said, calmer as he realized it was his own fault.

“At least it wasn’t something worse. It was almost your arm.” I shrugged again and tossed him a washcloth to soak up the blood. He thought about it for a second and shrugged as well. “So what’s up?” I handed him a bottle of water, half of which he poured over his face, the other half he drank. I looked at my hand, slick with Seb’s blood, and decided to wash it off instead of licking it. I wandered to the water fountain, knowing Seb would follow.

“Nothing, really. Just thought I’d catch up with you is all. Haven’t seen much of you today. I thought you’d come back after your mission earlier.” His voice was calm, but I still cringed from beneath my mask. I’d forgotten all about returning home when I saw Stella’s tears.

“I had something else to do,” I said, keeping my voice steady and making sure my emotions stayed out of it all. I refused to apologize for not coming back like some sort of trained animal.

“Ah, well, no harm done. Patrick’s men showed up, so obviously your other business didn’t interfere with your primary mission.” The coolness of his voice made my skin crawl. Seb had one of the shortest tempers of anyone I’d ever met, including myself, so his demeanor made me a little nervous.

“Yup,” I said, my nerves not affecting the rest of me. I took a breath and looked the man in the eyes. I knew Seb could sense when I was nervous, so I pushed the nerves out of my body and focused on his pale, emotionless blue eyes. It wasn’t that I was necessarily afraid of him; I had no doubt I could take him in a fight, but Seb had a lot of power. His gaze was dark but I matched it well. Normally, a stare of that caliber would have most people running, but it wasn’t Seb’s darker side or his temper that had me uncomfortable; I knew how to handle those. It was when he was speaking calmly, when he was keeping pleasant and I knew there was something else brewing that unnerved me. I didn’t like not knowing what to expect.

“Is that all?” I asked, my eyes never leaving his. He nodded curtly and walked off, still holding the towel to his nose. I shrugged, figuring it was better to not worry about his behavior. I always had to keep in mind that I was older and more experienced. I wasn’t entirely positive, but I was for the most part sure that I’d killed more people too.

The gym was empty and quiet, just the way I liked it. I took advantage of the opportunity and climbed back on the treadmill. I cranked the speed up and ran, letting myself forget about everything from the war to Seb. Everything except for the one thing I wanted to forget most. No matter how hard I tried, or how fast I ran, I couldn’t force myself to forget about Stella.

After twelve miles and no progress, I sighed and got down from the machine. “This is why I run outside. At least then it feels like I’m making progress,” I muttered to the treadmill, rolling my eyes and turning the machine off before walking away. I made my way out of the gym and through several other rooms to the stairs, which I always took unless I was with Seb, who seemed to prefer the elevator for whatever reason; I didn’t try to understand him. I sprinted up the six flights of stairs that took me to my room, taking them two at a time.

When I reached my room, which was much bigger than my entire apartment, I turned on my laptop and walked away toward the shower. I stripped and turned the shower on, cranking the hot water. I set my mask by the sink and made sure to lock the bathroom door. A lot of people in the army were curious about my face, so I went to lengths to keep hidden, sometimes for the mere reason of frustrating them in order to amuse myself. I stepped into the shower and the water was scalding, as I much preferred. It washed out the cut on my arm, which was already healing quickly and without issue. I leaned my head back and let the hot water pour over my strong, lean body, my soaked hair soft against my head and face. I groaned as I stretched out my worn muscles, letting them relax under the heat and pressure of the water. For a while, I stood just like that, too tired and comfortable to move, while the water cascaded over me. My eyes closed, I tilted my head back up, grabbed my body wash, and went back to actually showering.
Once I was done, I stepped out, dried off, slipped into a pair of boxers and shaved the stubble growing along my jaw and chin. Finished with that, I smiled at myself in the mirror, brushed my sharp, strong teeth, and finally slid my mask back over my freshly groomed face. Feeling refreshed and clean, I walked back to the main part of my room and logged into my laptop. I pulled up Stella’s file and updated it with everything I’d learned about her that day. I tried not to smile as I added some details that were probably unnecessary, but were things that I’d noticed nonetheless.

“Soft lips, cold skin, can read minds. Other skills currently unknown,” I whispered to myself as I typed, my mind lingering on her lips. I shook my head and growled, trying to snap out of it. When her file was complete, I checked my email and, upon finding nothing note-worthy, logged back out and turned my computer off. Then I walked over to the mini fridge and grabbed a bottle of blood, taking a long pull of the stuff. I wanted to drink the whole bottle, but I knew it wouldn’t help me in the end, so I restrained myself to only drink half. Putting the bottle away, I climbed back into my large, comfortable bed. I laid on my back and stared up at my ceiling, letting my mind wander and drift, hoping it would just go blank.

I don’t remember falling asleep, or even closing my eyes, but the next thing I knew, I was in a forest- my forest. The fog was dense, so much so that any normal person would’ve felt lost and unable to see. My senses were strong though, and my vision only slightly impaired. I breathed in and was immediately on guard. The air tasted wrong- different. The hairs on my arms and the back of my neck were standing straight up. I growled and launched into a sprint; something wasn’t right. When I reached the clearing, I could smell Stella. I walked cautiously toward my favorite tree, her scent gaining power in my nostrils. As I approached, I noticed another scent; it was as familiar and personal as Stella’s. I didn’t know whose blood it was, but the mixed smells made my stomach churn. I stepped around the tree and found Stella, wheezing and covered in blood.

“Stella! What happened?” I crouched down next to her and cradled her in my arms. The smell of the blood was so strong it almost made me sick, which wasn’t something I was used to. Normally the smell of blood made me hungry, but knowing it was hers made me feel like I was going to vomit.

“Shadow...” She gasped, shaking her head. There was a light in her eyes like she’d realized something. “Don’t. You need to go…” Her breaths were labored and her words were heavy with the rasp of injury.

“What?!” I growled, my emotions stepping over themselves as my body filled with rage, terror, anguish, and the undeniable desire to protect her. “How could you say that? I couldn’t leave you. Not like this! C’mon, it can’t be too late.” I tried to lift her, but she resisted, taking my hand in hers.

“No. You’ve gotta leave…” She whispered, struggling to keep her eyes open and her words clear. She pressed my hand to her bloody lips and kissed it softly.

“No! How can you be at peace with this? It doesn’t need to happen!” I wept, holding her tightly against myself. She tried to push me away, but I was too strong. Just then, as I held onto Stella, I felt a crippling pain shoot through my torso. I saw Stella’s face, features splashed with fear and shock. I grabbed my chest, fingers finding a fresh bloody wound, and turned to see Seb standing over Stella and I. He grinned a wicked grin at me and chills overtook my body. Without a word, he kicked me to the side and slit Stella’s throat. I gasped, crawling to her side and ignoring my pain.

“Why?!” I barked at Seb, fury filling my veins and setting my body on fire. He didn’t respond. Instead, he shook his head and brought his sword down hard on my chest.

I woke up there, gasping for air and grabbing at my chest. My heart was pounding hard, but I seemed to be intact. I was wet with sweat, but I’d take that over my own blood any day. I glanced around and realized I was still in my room. Turning on the light, I found that my sheets were not only wet with my sweat, but were shredded near my hands and feet. I sighed and closed my eyes; my whole body hurt. My chest was tight and my head was pounding. I rolled out of my bed and groaned, making my way to the bathroom. I took two Advil and leaned against the sink. My head was throbbing, but the rest of me seemed to be okay.

Three imaged flashed repeatedly by my eyes. First Stella, then the way she looked in my dream, then Seb’s face as he stood over us. I closed my eyes and bit my lip a little. I didn’t know what it all meant, but I did learn two things from that dream; things were going to get bad- or worse- soon, and I needed to watch my back, more so than I already did. I looked down at my hands and forearms; small scars laced up my arms, both from cuts and burns, mostly from when I used to self-mutilate, but also from many fights over the years. I found no solace or comfort in staring at my scars, which wasn’t normal for me. My vision spun and blurred; I had to lean back against the door and slide down, sitting on the floor. The tile was cold against my legs. I shut my eyes tight and dug my nails into my palms. I took a deep breath and when I opened my eyes again everything had returned to its former stability. I didn’t know what was going on, but something told me things were only going to go downhill from there.

I made my way back to my bed, into which I collapsed immediately. I rolled my head and glanced at my clock. The fuzzy blue numbers read 4:43. I groaned and rubbed the sides of my head as I buried it in my pillow. My alarm would go off in seventeen minutes. I growled deep into my pillow and punched my bed. With a long sigh, I forced myself out of bed and back into the bathroom, cancelling my alarm on my way. I saw no point in trying to go back to sleep, so instead I started up the shower and let the water scald my skin. I soaped up and sighed, hoping the water would wash away my dream.

When I finally felt clean and refreshed, I got out of the shower and toweled off. Looking at my arm, I decided to not replace the bandages on my mostly-healed wound from the night before. I sighed heavily as I remembered it was a Monday and I had to go to school. Knowing I had plenty of time to get ready, I took a moment to hit my head against the bathroom door a few times, which, upon second thought, probably counter-acted the Advil. After a few moments of jolting pain to my skull, I stopped, brushed my sharp Demon teeth and calmly reapplied my mask. I walked back into my room, a little more relaxed, and got dressed. Most of the pieces in my wardrobe were all the same; dark colored tee shirts all cut the same way, and jeans which were all the same style and varied only slightly in shade. It was easy for me to match and, even though it was effortless, I always looked nice enough.

With only my pants on, I changed my mind and grabbed onto the pull-up bar above my bathroom door, deciding I had time to do some reps before I finished getting ready. My whole life didn’t revolve around exercise, but it was a good way to fill my extra time. Plus, I needed to stay strong and in shape to keep up with the war. Working out helped me relax and be prepared for anything that would come my way. After seventy chin ups, I hopped down, deodorized and put a shirt on.

I sighed as I plopped onto my bed and stared at the ceiling. It was Monday and not a damn thing could make me want to go to school that day. I was worn out from dealing with Stella and that freaky dream, so school wasn’t exactly at the top of my list, especially since kids from all six of the clans went there. After the previous night’s battle, I was sure I was in for a hectic day. I gripped my head in my hands and closed my eyes, trying to decide if I could afford to skip. I had perfect attendance, so I knew I could if I wanted, but I knew that with my luck, I’d miss a huge exam. I groaned and got back out of bed, grabbing my backpack and starting the walk to school.