How the Heart Beats

I arrived to school early and had to wait in the cafeteria, which was a pretty normal occurrence for me. I sat at a table by myself and tried to remember if I had any unfinished homework. When I realized I didn’t, I pulled the book I was reading out of my bag and opened it up. Focusing on the words turned out to be a more difficult task than I’d envisioned. The words kept going blurry and jumping all around. I wasn’t sure if this development was because I was still exhausted, or something else, but decided to not push it and set the book down on the table. I placed my head in my hands and sighed; my day had barely started and I could already tell that it was not going to be a good one.

I let my mind wander briefly to Stella. I wasn’t sure if she went to the same school that I did or not, but I didn’t care enough to find out. The student body was too large for me to try and find one specific person most of the time. A teacher passed by my table as I sat there thinking, and I heard her tell another student to take his hat off. I couldn’t help but chuckle at her words. No one ever bothered me about my mask, but I figured it was partially because they were afraid of me and partially because, if anything, the mask actually made me easier to identify. Not to mention, the mask I wore was much less of a security concern than the several weapons I frequently kept on my person. No one ever asked about my name, either. I thought briefly of my parents. I hadn’t killed them at the same time. I’d killed my mother first, when I was about six, and then my father when I was twelve. After he was dead, I was put in foster care for a little bit, but that was mostly just a flop. When I was fifteen, I got a job and started paying my own bills. I quickly had myself emancipated and started living on my own. I was pretty sure no one knew my real name anymore.

As I pushed all thoughts of my parents and Stella out of my head, I looked back up only to see Katie standing across the table. I nodded to her in greeting, wondering how long she’d been standing there. It was a wonder the girl was still alive. She was a much better fighter than I’d originally guessed she would be. She was a very strong person, even though she was hardly five feet tall and probably all of a hundred pounds soaking wet. At that point, she and I had grown fairly close. Though I was technically hers and Nick’s boss, the three of us were a bit like family.

“Katie,” I said quietly, not sure what she wanted. She was staring at me like she had something to say.

“Oh. Hey,” She said, as if my voice had brought her back to reality and out of her own thoughts. I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. “I just wanted to tell you that what you did last night was really cool. You came up with a plan so fast. You kinda saved our butts. And it made me feel important, so thanks.” She seemed a little nervous; like there was something else she wanted to say.

“Well, that’s my job. Don’t worry about thanking me. I’m just glad I got there in time. You should be proud of yourself too. I couldn’t have pulled it off without you guys.” I paused when I noticed she was still staring at me and not walking away like I’d hoped. It wasn’t anything personal; I just wanted time alone to clear my head. “Is that all?” I asked, my impatience creeping into my voice.

“Yeah, sorry. I was going to tell you that last night, but I couldn’t find you when we got back to headquarters, so I figured I’d tell you today,” She said, looking down and fidgeting with her necklace. That time I did roll my eyes; I was so tired of everyone’s obsession with my whereabouts.

“Yeah. I had something else to do,” I said with a shrug. I’d contemplated telling her I’d had plans with a friend, but knew that wouldn’t have made too much sense to her, since most of my friends were in the army with us. Plus, I knew the less room I left for her to ask questions, the sooner the conversation would be over and I could go return to being alone. Katie watched me curiously, but didn’t say anything. Before she had the chance to speak, the first bell rang and I grabbed my things to leave. I wasn’t in any particular hurry to get to class, but I’d take the solitude anywhere I could get it.

My first class of the day was AP European History. It was taught by a very old, very serious Mr. Jack Marcy, who had no patience for nonsense and no desire to fraternize with his students. It was as if he and I had some sort of unspoken agreement. I quite enjoyed the subject, so I needed no prodding to do my work, and as a sort of thank you, he very rarely called on me and let me work alone when he assigned partner projects. He and I didn’t talk more than was necessary, but I liked him well enough. He was a good teacher and he was passionate about teaching history, which was plenty for me.

I was the first one to class, but that was normal. If I were more social, I might’ve struck up conversation with Mr. Marcy, but I wasn’t and something told me he was glad for that. I sat in my normal seat toward the back and pulled out the notebook I used for that class. I wasn’t the type of person to study, so my notes were mostly my own commentary on what we were learning or the idiots around me in the class. I let out a breath as I stared at the spot I’d left off in my notes. Friday, it had been social commentary on Heather. She was the class know-it-all. Heather was the kind of girl I would never in a million years talk to. The kind who thought she was better than everyone else. She looked down her nose at me, even though my test scores were always better. I never told her that, partly because I only wanted to deal with her the smallest amount possible, but also because I didn’t care.

I chuckled as I looked over the sketch of her I’d done. It was fairly well drawn and the amount of detail was rather incredible. I was sure even Heather would like it, if it weren’t for the fact that I had drawn her nose as a rhinoceros horn and her face with half of the skin peeling off. I heard Mr. Marcy’s heavy footsteps thunder closer as I was admiring my work, but didn’t bother closing my notebook. I knew he wasn’t likely to look and that if he did, he wouldn’t care. Heather tried very hard to impress Mr. Marcy, but he didn’t seem to care for that. He wasn’t much of a conversationalist and seemed to prefer the unconventional students who cared neither for grades nor kissing up. The footsteps stopped and I knew Mr. Marcy was close enough to see what was in my notebook. As I pretended not to notice his proximity, I heard a laugh that was stifled quickly with a cough.

“Shadow, I don’t think that’s terribly school appropriate,” He said in a voice that feigned authority better than most. I couldn’t help the grin that played beneath my mask as I glanced up at him, and then back down at my notebook.

“I dunno, I think the likeness is uncanny. Perhaps I’ll give it to her as a gift?” I let out a small laugh, unable to keep from enjoying the humor in the moment.

“Just don’t sign it; that’s when I have to report you.” He gave me a knowing smile and I nodded, tapping my index finger to my temple to indicate that I understood. He walked away then and I returned my gaze to my drawing. A few other students had shuffled into the classroom, some still apparently in their pajamas. I rolled my eyes and was just about to add to the details of Heatheroceros when a girl I’d never seen before walked in. She looked around curiously before spotting the obvious teacher in the room and walking over to him, a piece of pale green paper in her hands. They had a quick conversation and the edges of Mr. Marcy’s thick mustache lifted as he smiled and welcomed her to his class. He glanced over toward me and pointed to the seat in front of mine. I scrunched my face a little, hoping the man wasn’t suddenly deciding I needed friends.

“Shadow, this is Tawny. She’s a new student. Do you mind if she sits here?” He asked with a bit of a smirk. It certainly wasn’t a look I appreciated. I sat straighter in my seat and shrugged.

“I don’t seem to have much choice in the matter.” I shrugged again and glanced briefly at the girl. The class contained about twenty students, which made it the smallest of all of my classes. The girl could’ve had her pick of seats for the most part, but Mr. Marcy was weird about his seating arrangements, and I knew in front of me was better than beside me.

“So your name is Shadow, huh? What kinda name is that?” She turned around in her seat and asked as soon as Mr. Marcy was out of earshot. I brought my stare up to hers with a slow movement of my head. She seemed judgmental, nosy and rude. I didn’t want anything to do with this Tawny.

“The kind people call me when they don’t wanna die.” I looked at her through cold, tired eyes. I didn’t have the energy to deal with this girl.

“That’s lame. I’m not afraid of you, so you can drop the intimidating act, by the way. And what’s up with that mask?” Tawny raised an eyebrow, questioning me. I took a deep breath and rolled my eyes, looking away from her strange hazel eyes. I had no interest in playing this female’s games.

“It conceals my identity. What’s up with your face?” I said dryly, my fingers going to the knife in my pocket too quickly. She rolled her eyes at me and blew out a long breath of air, her black bangs flying up briefly.

“Look, I know you’re a Demon, so you can cut the crap. That’s really no reason to be rude,” She whispered, leaning closer so only I heard her. I leaned away and clenched my jaw tight. As I got a good whiff of her, I committed her scent to memory. She smelled like Jasmine tea, honey, tobacco, rum, and pine trees.

“Whatever,” I said, releasing my knife and returning my attention to my drawing.

“Nice drawing, by the way.” Tawny was still too far in my bubble, but as more and more students filed in, there was little I could do but tell her to leave me alone. “Hold on. You… You smell like Stella,” She said, her eyes going wide. Initially, I was unsure of whether this was a good thing, but then her lips spread into an easy grin. It made her look like an excited puppy. I stifled the urge to laugh.

“You know Stella?” I asked in a hushed whisper. I didn’t want anyone knowing about Stella and me because it would put her at a huge risk, but I couldn’t help that Tawny had piqued my interest.

“Yeah. She’s my best friend. She goes to my old school,” She said quickly with a shrug, her dark eyebrows pushing down as she appeared to search her mind for any mention of me. “Ohgod! You’re the guy she met on the bus! The weirdo in the mask!” Tawny’s voice got slightly louder and I kicked the back of her chair to shush her.

“Yeah, I guess.” I shrugged my lip twitching as she lowered her voice again. Tawny looked as if she was about to speak again, but the final bell rang and she turned back to face the board. She started writing before Mr. Marcy began speaking and within no time there was a note on my desk. I sighed. It was far too early for this.

We’ll talk later, okay? I rolled my eyes at the note, and quickly scrawled a response.

Don’t count on it; I don’t want to talk to you at all. Leave me alone. I tossed the paper back over her shoulder, pleased when the only response I got was an audible sigh.

I chuckled and flipped to a new page in my notebook as Mr. Marcy started talking. It looked like I was taking notes, but this time, I was commenting on Tawny. She did not look like the kind of girl Stella would befriend. In fact, she just about looked like Stella’s opposite and where Stella was friendly and cute, Tawny was pushy and from what I could tell, probably a bit of a bitch too. I felt my eyebrows furrow as I pictured them together, wondering how they became friends. I sketched an absent-minded chibi doodle of Tawny giving Stella a piggy back ride. I had no luck in fighting the corners of my mouth as they pulled upward a little. I wanted to know more about Stella, but did not want to go through Tawny to get my answers, though I didn’t know that I wanted to meet up with Stella again anytime soon, either. As the thought of not seeing Stella passed through my head, I felt like I was going to be sick. I flared my nostrils and suppressed a growl, hating myself and my stupid feelings.

I had stopped pretending to take notes and was trying to fight sleep when the note catapulted back and hit me in the face. I heard a giggle from Tawny and I kicked her seat again. I yawned and stretched before opening her note once more.

You don’t need to be such a meanie! I’m gonna tell Stella all about you being an ass. Then she’ll think less of you because she loves me. Why do you smell like her anyway? I read over her words carefully, finding that even her handwriting annoyed me.

Did you really just call me a meanie? And go ahead; I’d prefer she think less of me, actually. What does it matter why I smell like her? For all you know, I killed her and bathed in her blood. I wrote back, chuckling when I heard her scoff as she read it.

First of all, I most certainly did. That’s exactly what you are. And secondly, you didn’t kill her, I’m pretty sure. Though, if you did, you’re gonna have hell to pay. Not just from me, but from a lot of angry Vampires. They practically treat her like she’s their princess. Not to mention, she’s dating one of them. But he’ll probably be mad no matter what you were doing with her; he’s kinda protective. I laughed a little when I read her response, finding myself slightly amused.

Vampires are no big deal. I’ve killed far worse. Plus, it seems like you’re out of the loop. Her boyfriend broke up with her yesterday. How is it that I know this and you don’t? Some “best friend” you are. Didn’t she text you and tell you as soon as it happened? I thought that’s how girls work. She growled and stomped on my foot, writing back so fast I could barely read her handwriting.

What?!?! Trenton broke up with her?! Asshole. He doesn’t deserve her. And Stella doesn’t have a phone, jackass. I can’t believe I’m finding out from the likes of you though. How do you know, anyway? I shrugged as I responded. It was easy to see where her question came from. Stella and I knew very little about one another, so it made sense that Tawny was confused by my knowledge of Stella’s breakup.

She told me after it happened. We were on the bus and she was crying. I was there for her and she just kinda started ranting. That’s why I smell like her, too. We hung out for a little bit last night. Now seriously, I’m tired of talking to you. Stop responding. I flicked the paper back over her shoulder and looked back down at my notes, making sure to move my foot before she could stomp it again. I watched her slip the note into her bag and go back to actually taking notes.

I listened as Mr. Marcy continued to drone on and on, so wrapped up in his lecture that he had gone from emphatically waving his hands to gesturing with his whole body at times shaking the room a little. He didn’t seem to notice that half the class was asleep. I briefly considered taking a nap as well before realizing what a colossal mistake that would be, so instead I watched and listened about Joan of Arc and the Great Schism. I was listening and fully retaining everything that Marcy was saying, but my mind was elsewhere. It seemed to mostly switch back and forth between Stella, Seb, and Tawny for the remainder of class. When the bell rang, I gathered my things and left, sure to stay out of Tawny’s path.