Forever

It was a winter day, and her presence was still very noticeable. "But why?" - I asked myself, over and over again. "Why can’t we stay together as we always wanted. The fame and fortune seems so little, close to this feeling. There is nothing to pay for the care, devotion, admiration I feel for you ... "

I look out the airplane window, the clouds that hover beneath reminded me of her, everything reminds me of her. I coudn’t sleep.

I Look up at the stars, they seem so far away, so impossible to achieve! I think almost demented "Is she watching the same star that I see".

A long sigh brings me back. I really just wanted something that would make me be closer to her. Each time I remember the first time I saw her, how our friendship came naturally, and how that first kiss was memorable for both. Feeling her lips on mine, the touch of her soft skin on mine. Feeling that she gave herself completely to me, to our love. Every memory only makes me more willing to leave everything behind, but I know I can’t do that.

Yesterday when the concert ended I remembered of her again. How she screamed in each concert, always in the front row, our most dedicated fan. How she consoled me with a kiss whenever she felt that a concert had gone bad.

She didn’t know, but I always carried with me a photo of us. A photo of that day when we celebrated six months of dating, our dinner in candle’s light, that vast esplanade, a warm summer night, on a starry sky. She was just so beautiful, her smile ... The brightness in her eyes. She was wearing that white dress that I gave to her, with a single rose in her hand. That night, we belong together; I know that I loved her like I never did.

I turn again to the reality, I have to force myself to rest and sleep. The first rays of sun come through the window and I still expect some long hours of flight.

(…)

Finally we landed and I went directly to my house, Brian even asked if I was good to spend the night alone, but I just wanted to think all by myself.

The next day, after lunch with the guys, I asked Brian if he wanted to go to the beach, I wanted to have someone to talk, share my pain a little. I lay there while he was tanning. At that time I felt like I could drop everything and go through that immense ocean just to be near her. That's when I decided I wanted her for me, I didn’t want to suffer anymore, that love would no longer be an impossible love, and if I'll want to be with her, I would fight for her, for that dream that keeps me alive.

In two weeks she'd be back to Orance County, and these days that are missing seem endless, but just thinking that it would be close, after two years, left me with a stupid smile on my lips.

My heart almost jumped through the mouth... "My God!" - I thought.

Brian stood up, he knew the reason for my anxiety. He suddenly brought me back to reality.

- Jimmy, it’s been 2 years since you broke up, you know that she may have moved on with her life, don't you?

- Yes, but to be honest, I don’t believe it, I thought that what tied us was stronger than time, and that somehow she would wait for me.

I took off my sunglasses to enjoy the best sunset and Brian looked at me sideways. I knew deep down that he was right, but I ignored him.

(…)

Finally the day arrived. When I left home I looked again at your picture, and thought. - "Today my love, today I'll be with you again, I can finally have you in my arms."

I came near her house, she was out of her car, beautiful as always. She carried a shopping bag in her arms, and I saw a man open her door house, she gives him a kiss on the cheek, and a child under one year old comes crying for her.

- Mom, you came back! – she said as running into her, and she takes her in his arms. That image made my world fall apart. No ... It couldn’t, that man, the child ... Brian was right! I was hiding, but when I saw that scene, I kicked the garbage that was beside me and I turned to go home.

But I didn’t know that she noticed me. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. She throws her bags on the floor and screams for me. I didn’t even noticed it because of the tears that now ran across my face.

-Jimmy, Jimmy ... It’s you… Jimmy... Come back! - She also said, but I didn’t noticed it.

I ran home. Along the way, I call my mom, she was the one who always had a word to advise me. She didn’t answer the phone, then I called Brian. Not needed, he was waiting at the door of my house, with a look of concern on his face.

- So Jimmy, what happens?

- Brian… She… SHE…!

- Jim, went to Layla’s, didn’t you? What happened?

-She bro, I can’t believe it ... She married, and has a son now ... I saw Brian ... I saw ...

- Calm down Jim, I know it's not easy but I'm here ... You're not Alone ...

Brian didn’t even finished, I open the door and went directly to the bar. Brian tried to stop me, but he knew I needed my space, so he did nothing, just let me go.

(…)

However, she suspected that it was I who had seen her, and she calls Brian. She knew he would be with me, so she called him. During this, I drank and drank until I drop, the tears continued to go on my face, without appearing to finish. The desire to disappear was now higher, so I went up and shut myself in my room to relax. However, she was already at my door house, went through Brian without a word said and hit incessantly at my door.

- Open up Jimmy ... It's me, Layla, I need to talk to you ... Open! - The child she cried in her arms was now crying because of the high tone of her voice.

Brian, who now came right behind her, decides to intervene.

- Lay, what are you doing here ...

- It was Jimmy, wasn’t it? Brian, I need to talk to him, I know it was him that was watching me just now!

- Yeah, but I don’t think he wants to talk to you, don’t you think you make him already suffer enough?

- You don’t understand, I really need to talk to him, help me please!

- No Lay, I don’t want that and will not do it. He didn’t deserve to suffer more for you. You have no idea what he was like when you left. Jimmy was lifeless, barely left the house, we had to drag him so he could write something... - Brian looked at her, and she left the baby on his arms.

He felt that that child was a torment. When he looked a little more carefully ...

- Lay, he ...

(…)

I was on the balcony of my room, leaning on the railing, looking thoughtfully at the pool right there on the floor.

- All I have it’s you, only you ... - I was just saying meaningless phrases, not seeing anything right, just looked down at the pool.

Brian knew how to slip into the front door. He asked Layla to follow him and passed through a small door that was in the back. In the garden, Layla saw me.

Her first reaction was to Brian hold the baby and ran to the edge of the pool. Brian, who took the child in his arms without noticing anything, runed into her.

She starts screaming, I was just a few floors above.

- Jimmy, Get out of there!

- Look who it is, that harlot who stole my heart!

- Jimmy came down, we need to talk!

- Talk, you want to talk? Did you even thinked of me when you were fucking him?

- Jim Wait, let me explain ...

- Explain what? Say, Go! what will you make up this time to fill me with lies? - I yelled at her, felling only anger coming out of me.

- No Jimmy, you don’t understand, it wasn’t ...

- Shut up, I don’t wanna ear you anymore, GO! - I shouted, leaning over the railing, with anger taking over my spirit, I leaned over the railing even more.

- Jimmy, be careful, please be still ... or get out of there!

- Get lost, get out, I don’t wanna see you any more, take off!

- Jimmy be careful, Jim ... - She stoped talking, my movements were mismatched because of drinking and I lost balance, falling towards anything.

- JIMYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! - Layla screamed, but it wasn’t worthy. Brian, who was carrying the child and that was near the pool where my body had fallen, sended the baby to Layla, and in an act of grief, trying to save me, throws himself into the pool, taking in my body that fainted. He dived without thinking, even in himself, and seeking all his strength throughout, brought me back to firm ground.

- Jimmy, hang on you bro! - He said, as dragged me to the shore, where Layla helped him.

- Jimmy, please, come back! I'm sorry. - She shook my body that didn’t seem to have any reaction.

Brian sees his suspicions confirmed, he had noticed before, but now he had confirmed. The resemblance of that child with me was visible to all. But at that time of need, he was just trying to save me and not finding some explanation.

She was covering my body, who wasn’t reacting, and she begun crying all over me.

- No, no, I WILL NOT LOSE YOU! Jimmy ... - she grabbed me - I know you are listening to me, that deep down you still hear me. I ... - she was crying uncontrollably – I never betrayed you, NEVER! I still love you, always loved you, always will, please don’t leave me! for you, for me, for your family ... For OUR child – she say those words and fall on my chest crying like never before.

Brian was stunned whatching this whole scene, just holding the little Lars who moved on his lap in my direction.

Suddenly, without explanation or prior notice, a new life takes hold of me and I start to breathe. Layla looked into my eyes and cried. She realized that I had heard her, and that I was back.

When I woke up again, I was in the hospital. She was with me, with his hand holding mine, and his head lying gently next to my body. I tryed to move slightly, so she wouldn’t wake up, but it was in vain.

- Jimmy, you woke up ... - She threw me her smile that I had never forgotten, and that was as beautiful as I remembered. I tried to smile too, but my face hurt me, and she laughed at my expression.

- Jim, I have so much to talk to you. He .. That man isn’t my husband, he is just a cousin of mine who went to get me in the airport, and was helping me take care of Lars. He ... - deep breath - He is your son. I know that I should have said you before, but I was in Portugal, and here you had your band, and you were more concentrated than ever in your dream. Now I know that that was the stupidest thing I could have done in my entire life.

- Don’t talk shit - I said with difficulty on breathing - My dream is to be with you forever.

Suddenly Brian enters the room with a smile on his face, with Lars in his lap.

- Jimmy, are you ok?

I said yes with my head, and I saw the baby wanting to leave his lap and want to come to me.

- Daddy! – he said, throwing themselve at me

- But how do he ...

- I always showed him your pictures, never let him forget you, like I'll never forget you. I explained to him that one day he would meet you, and that he would like you very much. - She blushed as she confessed it all.

- But you knew you couldn’t come back - I told her.

- But I never forgot you, every time Lars smiled, every time I looked at him while he slept, it was you I was seeing. I would take a plane and shoot me against your arms, you don’t know how many times I thinked about it!

Lars was now in her lap, with her eyes on me, and I saw my reflected in his eyes, like mirrors, and I was sure he was the most beautiful thing that could have happened to our love.

He touched my hand, and spoke to her: "It's daddy?"

I start up surprised, but then I felt like just stay like this forever, with her, with our family. I asked Brian, who took the little Lars to his lap and made an effort to sit on the bed. Layla came up to me and I whispered in his ear.

- Stay with me, please!

- Forever - she said and I kissed her passionately on the lips, feeling all our love being sealed ..