Battle Scars

Walking into school that next day was painful. All of the sympathy-friends lectured her, telling her how wrong it was to do what she was doing to herself, and how she was throwing her life away. She only half-listened. Finally she just nodded impatiently and walked away, leaving them to plan their next intervention.

For the second time this week, she was sifting through her locker when she realized that he was right there, watching over her shoulder. She quickly spun around, shooting him those trademark daggers.

He scratched the back of his head

He looks so cute when he does that

Shut the fuck up, you’re supposed to not like him.

He scratched the back of his head and gave her a weak smile. “Where were you yesterday?”

She raised an eyebrow, nearly scoffing. “Please, tell me why I should tell you.”

His eyebrows knitted together, as if he was agitated and trying to contain his emotion.
The only reason he’s curious is because he wants to laugh about it with his friends.

“I had wanted to talk to you, but when I went looking for you, one of your friends said that you were… said that you were uh…” he trailed off, giving her a knowing look, the sort of I know that you were out fucking and smoking and doing God-knows-what-else.

For a minute the world swayed, and her throat went dry. She didn’t think it would get around that quickly. As quickly as her calm exterior had disappeared, she put it right back on, scowling at him.

“Listen. I don’t know what you heard about what I did yesterday, but I’m going to make something abundantly clear to you: it’s none of your fucking business. What I do is my own problem, and if I want to go out and do God-knows-what, I have every right without you up my ass, understand? Now if you don’t mind, I have a class to get to.” With that, she slammed her locker shut and pushed past him, leaving him in the dust.

“Wait, no, Alli!” he shouted, running after her. He grabbed her by the arm, spinning her around. She looked up at him, contemplating whether or not she should spit in his gorgeous face.

“What do you want?” she asked, her voice dangerously low. He probably wants to know who your dealer is, and if you’re free for a fuck during lunch.

“Listen, you don’t have to do these things to yourself, you’re-“ before he could finish his sympathy speech, she spit in his face and wrenched her arm away from him. He slowly raised his arm and wiped her spit away. When he opened his eyes she was gone, leaving the hallway so empty.

BRYCE

He stood there dumbstruck, wondering for a moment if she had even been there at all. She had just disappeared. And she had spit in his face. He didn’t know if he should leave her alone, of if she was really screaming for help.

The rest of the day blurred by, and he caught up with Jake after the last bell rang. He talked him into grabbing some Taco Bell, and in the car he asked her what he knew about Alli.

“Depends on what you want to know, man. She’s a really complex girl. Most people only see her as this girl who does all this bad shit to her body and sleeps around, but she’s a lot more than that. There’s a reason why she does that, but I don’t think she’s ever admitted it. I know that she’s never mentioned anything like that to me. But she’s a really good person. She’s kind, and funny, and she knows what she’s talking about. She does it on purpose, though, put on that bitchy exterior. She doesn’t want anyone to realize that deep down she’s hurting worse than anyone else. Why do you ask?”

Bryce took a deep breath and let it out. “She’s caught my attention, and I want to help her. I don’t know why, because I used to make fun of her all the time, but I really want to help her. You know?”

Jake looked up at him for a minute, trying to compose his words. Finally, “Listen, Bryce. You’re my best friend, and I’m going to be honest with you. Girls like that, like Alli? They don’t want to be saved. They’re in a mindset, and all they want to do is hurt themselves. She’s never worn shorts to school, right? And she always wears tights with her shorts? It’s because her legs are more cut up than anyone’s I’ve ever seen. The only reason I know is because a couple of months ago she tried to kill herself, and I was the one that went to her house at three in the morning to talk her out of it. She was wearing a pair of shorts, and I’ve never seen someone with such cut up legs. I tried to talk to her about it, but she wouldn’t listen. She’ll never listen to anyone, because in a way, she likes what she’s doing to herself. It’s something she can control. Do you get what I’m saying?”

Bryce opened his mouth, and then closed it. There was too much on his mind to put it into words, and he knew that whatever he said Jake would just repeat what he said. With a smile, Bryce nodded and said “Listen bro, it’s crystal clear. I’ll steer far away from her.”

Bryce dropped Jake off at home, and then drove to the park near Seventh Street, hoping that she would be there. Sure enough, she was sitting on a swing, slowing rocking back and forth, staring at nothing. He parked his car and got out, walking over to her. She finally noticed him, and he saw her narrow her eyes. But she stayed.

He sat down on the swing next to her, not saying anything. For a minute they sat there in that tense silence, and finally, she broke it. “Is there any reason why you’re stalking me? I mean, I’m flattered, but it just seems a bit unnecessary.”

He looked down at his feet, trying to fathom what on Earth he should say to her. “Listen, Alli. I know that you probably don’t want to hear this from me, but here it is. You seem like you’re someone who’s hurting, you know? I just want you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to…” he let the sentence trail off, looking at her. Her lips were pressed tightly together, and she stared and her hands, clasped in her lap.

Finally, she spoke, her voice flat and emotionless. “Well, Bryce, that’s very kind of you, but I’m perfectly fine. There’s nothing wrong with me, so you don’t need to be worried. And if you don’t mind, I’d appreciate it if you left me alone, alright? Just leave me alone.” Her voice broke on that last word, and she abruptly stood up and quickly walked away, leaving him behind for the second time that day.