I Won't See You Tonight

After my talk with James, he led me out of the house and towards a busy town center.

"Make sure your pendant is out where it can be seen. We don't have much time, and can't really afford to be stopped," James said as we passed through a row of tall pillars. I figured this would be as good of time as any to ask the questions eating away at my brain.

"When Brian gave me this, he said it bore his color. What does that mean?" I asked, unsure if he'd answer my questions, but figured it was worth a shot.

"On Mount Vergina, there are five families, that make up what we call the coven, they are the ones with the most power. Each family has their own distinct color. The Haner's color is deep purple, as seen on your pendant. The Sander's are a blood red, the Baker's jade green, the Sullivan's deep blue, and the Seward's a golden yellow. When a family brings a human here on the mountain, they must wear the color to signify they are of importance or need to the family, and cannot be touched. It is vital to your safety here you wear that pendant at all times." I was quiet as his words soaked in.

"So Brian is apart of the coven?"

"Yes, Brian being in the coven is the center of your problem. The father in the coven chooses one son to help him rule, and Brian was chosen. Normally, once a son is chosen, he marries a women to ensure he has an heir as well. But instead of choosing another god, Brian found you. That is why he was called away. His father assumed there was nothing serious about your relationship, he had no idea that Brian had impregnated you. After Brian's father found out, he banned him from going back to you, for the sake of the coven. All of the other sons had found a woman to marry and had children on the way, and here Brian was fooling around with a mortal. That's when Brian came to me. He couldn't talk to his father or his friends about what was going on. He came to my house to study. He worked day after day, trying to find a way out of the coven, or a way to bring you here. But it could not be done.

"He grew tired of all the research, and was growing restless from being away from you for nearly two years. After he hit the two year mark, he told me he was going to give up his immortality, because it was nothing to him if he couldn't have you and your daughter with him. He was ready to throw it all away. But days before he could, his brother went mad, and killed nearly 50 gods that were in the town square. He was exiled to the Underworld. Brian then realized that should he give up his immortality, his brother would automatically take his place in the coven. He was forced to choose between his personal happiness, and the good of the people here on Mount Vergina. A choice that drives him crazy to this day. He cares for you and Gloria more than I can say, and it kills him that he brought you into this. But he can't stay away." We were quiet as I reflected on what James had just told me. Brian hadn't left because he didn't want the responsibility of us. He left because he was forced, because he had other obligations. I was so lost in my thoughts, I didn't notice we had stopped until James placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Brian loves you and Gloria more than anything in the world. He will do everything in his power to keep you both safe. Trust in that. Nothing will happen to you while you're here. Now come, I believe the meeting has already begun."

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After we had returned home, we had put Gloria down for a nap. Normally she wouldn't take one, but with all the stress, she was getting more worn out than usual. After we had put her down, Brian announced he had something he had to take care, and he led me to a garden that looked like a replica of our meadow at home. It was the first time I had been alone since Brian had come back, and I spent nearly two hours taking in the new details of my life. Brian was back, and by the look of things, wasn't going away again. He hadn't left of his own accord, it was by force, meaning he didn't just toss us aside like I originally thought he had. To prove that point, I had met James, who finally answered all the questions mulling around in my head for a few days. But something was coming after us.Throughout the whole meeting, Brian's friends were very careful to never let slip exactly what was after Gloria and I. They simply talked about safety procautions and adding extra security to both Brian's house and the gates to the mountain. But I believed James when he said Brian would do anything to protect us. I didn't really have a doubt before, but after seeing the determination in his eyes at the meeting, I knew we would be safe, no matter what happened. I was more at peace knowing that along with Brian, I not only had James looking out for me, but Brian's friends as well.

I was pulled from my thought by the soothing sounds of Marc Cohn playing through hidden speakers, and the echo of footsteps behind me. I turned around to find Brian carrying a sleepy Gloria. He smiled, and took a seat beside me on the swing I had perched myself on. He sat Gloria in my lap, and wrapped his arms around us, holding us to his chest. We sat in silence as the the album progressed, until we had reached my favorite. As the opening chords filled the garden, Brian pulled me tighter against his chest, and moved his head from resting on top of mine, so his lips were next to my ear, and as the the words began, he softly sang along.

Baby I've been searching like everybody else
Can't say nothing different about myself
Sometimes I'm an angel and sometimes I'm cruel
But when it comes to love I'm just another fool

Yes I've climbed a mountain
I'm gonna swim the sea
There ain't no act of God, girl
Could keep you safe from me
My arms are reaching out,
out across this canyon

I'm asking you to be my true companion...

He continued to sing along, until the album came to an end, and silence filled the garden once again. After a few more minutes of silence, Brian loosened his grip, and turned to look at us.

"I think dinner should be about finished. Are you girls hungry?" We both nodded our heads, and he lifted Gloria out of my lap, cradling her to his chest, before he held out his hand for me to take. We walked into the dining room, and sat down for dinner, as we listened to Gloria talk about meeting her grandparents, and about the time she spent with Valary, Matt's wife, while we were in the meeting. It was through this I learned that Matt and Val already had two children, a boy and girl. Matt had a god wife and an heir to the coven, while Brian had a human love interest, and a demigod of a daughter. I couldn't help the sorrow that ripped through my body when I realized I truly was not good enough for Brian. He needed a wife that could hold up to the standards of his world, not the human world. He needed a wife who could bear his heir, and upkeep his promise to the coven. I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't hear Brian calling my name until he placed his hand over mine. I looked up to see hims hovering over me, concern embedded in his chocolate orbs.

"Are you okay sweetheart?" I nodded my head and broke eye contact, almost too ashamed to look him in the eye. I knew he could tell something was off, but he let it go for now.

"Gloria wants to watch a movie, so I told her we could watch it in my room. Does that sound okay?" he spoke quietly. Not trusting my voice, I nodded my head again, and stood, allowing myself to be pulled into his side as he led the way to his bedroom. On the bed lay Gloria in the middle, holding one of her favorite Disney movies. Brian set up the TV as I laid on the bed and pulled my daughter into my arms, holding on to her for dear life, a sense of comfort in my distress. After Brian started the movie, he surprised me by taking the empty spot next to me instead of Gloria, and pulled me into his arms, running his hand through my hair as though to silently convince me he was here.

He kept a hand running steadily through my hair for the course of the whole movie. As the end credits began to run across the screen, I looked down expecting to see a sleeping Gloria, but instead was met by wide open eyes. She slowly sat up, causing Brian and I to sit up as well.

"Are you tired baby girl?" I asked, wondering how the movie hadn't managed to knock her out.

"A little bit," she said, accompanied by a yawn.

"Do you wanna go to sleep, or do you want to stay up a little longer?"

"Will Daddy sing me a song before I go to bed?" She turned to him with a pout, milking it more than she ever did with me. Brian simply chuckled.

"Only if Momma sings with me," he replied, turning to look at me. I nodded my head, and Gloria cheered, climbing into my lap and waiting as Brian walked to the corner to grab his acoustic guitar. He sat back on the bed, and strummed a few random chords, thinking of something to play, before I began to recognize the chords of my favorite Foo Fighters song. Then he began to sing.

Hello,
I've waited here for you
Everlong.
Tonight I throw myself into
and out of the red,
Out of her head she sang

He looked to me, and I began singing, lightly rocking back and forth.

Come down,
And waste away with me,
Down with me.
Slow how,
You wanted it to be.
I'm over my head,
Out of her head she sang

He joined with me,
And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again.
The only thing I'll ever ask of you,
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when...

Brian continued strumming, but soon morphed the song into something much darker, one I didn't recognize. After a minute he began to sing a song that chilled me to my bone.

Cry alone, I've gone away
No more nights, no more pain
I've gone alone, took all my strength
I've made the change,
I won't see you tonight.

Building up inside of me
A place so dark, so cold, I had to set me free
Don't mourn for me,
You're not the one to place the blame
As bottles call my name I won't see you tonight

Sorrow sank deep inside my blood
All the ones around me
I cared for and most of all I loved
But I can't see myself that way
Please don't forget me or cry while I'm away...

Gloria clapped after Brian finished strumming, oblivious to his obvious mood change. He looked up to meet my eyes for just a second, before pulling Gloria into his arms, and bringing her to her room. I followed silently behind, and watched as he tucked her in, and kissed her forehead, muttering a goodnight and standing aside to give me room. I repeated his actions, and turned to look at him. He simply held out his hand, which I hesitantly took, and led me back to his room, sitting me on the bed. He began to clean up what little mess we made, but I could tell there was something on his mind. After watching him fumble for a few minutes, I called his name, and patted the space next to me, silently telling him to sit. After a moment of hesitation, he finally sat. It became apparently it would take a bit of coaxing for him to speak his mind.

"Brian, what song did you play after our duet?" I asked after a period of silence, hoping it would open him up. He quickly averted his gaze to the floor, and was silent for a few minutes.

"It was a song that I wrote about two years after I had left. After I realized that I wouldn't be able to return. I couldn't deal with the fact that I probably would never get to be a proper family with the both of you. That tore me apart. Writing this helped me cope. James helped me a lot with it. I just wanted you to hear it..." he finished with a shrug, never lifting his gaze from the floor.

"On the way to the meeting, James told me why you left. Or more so, how you were forced to leave. But Brian...you should have listened to your father. No matter how much you love me, I can't provide you with what you need. I can't give you another heir. It was a miracle Gloria was born, let alone another. You're bound here. You have to think about the good of everyone else. All your friends already have sons and you don't. I can't give you that Brian. I'm not worth the trouble..."

"Yes, you fucking are!" he yelled as he jumped off the bed. He began pacing in front of me, pulling at his hair, curses falling from his lips. I jumped as he moved to stand in front of me. His movements were stiff and harsh, but his touch as he took my face in his hands, was surprisingly soft. "I really don't care about any of that. For four years I've thought of everyone else. For four years, I stayed away from the two people I love more than anything in the world, to please everyone. And I just can't do it anymore. I need you here. I don't know how it's going to work, but it is. It has to. I just can't do it without you two," he finished, resting his forehead against mine, closing his eyes.

No more breath inside,
Essence left my heart tonight...