I Won't See You Tonight

After relaxing on the deck for awhile longer, Gloria and I made our way inside to start cooking breakfast.

“What do you want to eat sweetie?”

“Can we make pancakes?!” There’s that damn pout…

“Of course! Do you want to go pick out a CD from the collection?” She nodded her head and quickly ran to the cabinet. As I pulled out the pancake mix, the familiar sound of Green Day’s American Idiot filled the house.

Singing quietly to myself, I finished making breakfast, and walked into the living room to find Gloria with my guitar in her lap, faking the solo of Holiday. Definitely her father’s daughter.

“Come on sweetie, your pancakes are at the table.”

“Did you put strawberries on top?”

“I know you don’t eat them any other way.” I laughed as my daughter let out a little screech and ran to the table. I quickly made my way upstairs and changed out of my pajamas into a pair of dark wash skinny jeans and a simple, white v-neck t-shirt. As I decended the steps, I noticed an empty plate at the kitchen table, and a missing Gloria. I finished washing all our breakfast dishes, and went on a search for my daughter, who I found playing with her bunny in his play pen.

Returning to the kitchen, I grabbed a ponytail, threw my hair into a messy bun, grabbed the bucket of cleaning supplies under the sink, and began my weekly cleaning ritual.

As I was tidying up Gloria’s bedroom, I heard a piercing scream from the backyard. I dropped the stack of drawings, flying all over the floor, and sprinted out of the room. As I made it down the steps, I heard the sound of her hysterical laughter, and ran to the back door. My heart nearly stopped at the sight.

In the middle of the meadow sat Gloria, with a little terrier puppy softly licking her face. But this was not the cause of the tightness in my heart.

A few feet away, he stood. His hair was cut much shorter than before, styled up into perfect spikes. Upon examination, I noticed he had more tattoos adorning his arms, and had removed the golden ring from his left nostril. But I could recognize him anywhere. His impeccable face structure, his piercing brown eyes…

Gloria’s father.

“Momma come look at my new puppy!” After those words left Gloria’s mouth, his head snapped up in my direction, his brown orbs meeting my blue. I broke eye contact, and slowly made my way over to where my daughter sat with her new pet. As I sat down, he finally spoke.

“Hello Samantha.”

“Brian,” I replied, nearly breathless, both from running, and from the shock of his presence. I turned away to look at Gloria, as she talked on and on about how adorable her new puppy was, and an endless list of names to call her new pet.

I felt his eyes burning through the back of my skull, but I kept myself occupied by listening to Gloria drabble on, and tearing apart wildflowers that surrounded us. That was, until I felt a light hand come down on my shoulder. I looked over, to find Brian’s face, mere inches from mine.

“Can we talk?” he nearly whispered. I nodded my head, and stood, leading him into the house, and taking a seat on the couch in the living room. He followed me in, but took a few minutes to slowly take in the house.

“It looks just like it did when I felt…” he spoke quietly, as he examined the pictures positioned on the fireplace mantle.

“I didn’t have the heart to change anything. Or the time.” He slowly turned around, and stared at me with a look of sorrow on his face. He made his way to the table in front of me, sitting on the edge and staring me in the eyes.

“I’m so sorry Sam. I never meant to hurt you, I swear. I meant to come back sooner, it’s just…I’ve been busy.” he softly spoke.

“Sorry really doesn’t change the fact that you left me and our daughter, for five years. It’s not going to fix anything.”

“I know. And I’m sorry. More than you would believe. I should have done everything different. I should have begged you to come with me the day I left, I should have come back sooner for you both. I should have made sure you knew how much I loved you both before I left.” I stood up angerly.

“Who the fuck do you think you are? You think that you can leave us for nearly five years, come back with a dog and a list full of apologizes, and expect everything to be okay?! You abandoned us! I loved you and you just fucking left!” He quickly stood up and his eyes darkened, and began walking closer, causing me to back into the wall.

“You don’t think it was hard for me too?” his voice dangerously low. “You don’t think it was hard to watch my daughter grow up, and not be there to witness it? You don’t think it was hard to watch you breakdown, knowing it was my fault, and I wasn’t there to comfort you?” As he finished, I broke eye contact, but he pulled my head up by my chin, bringing me back to his piercing gaze. I sighed heavily.
“What are you doing here Brian? Why, after all this time, did you decide to return?”

“I needed a break. There are too many egos up there, and we both know mine alone is big enough as it is,” he teased. Unable to stop myself, a small smile graced my face, and he grinned. “I also knew her birthday was in a few days, and figured it would be a good opportunity to introduce her to the world she’s unaware she belongs to.”

“Well it’s a bit difficult to explain to a child her father isn’t around because he’s too busy controlling the forces of the earth,” I teased at him.

“I know, I didn’t expect you to. But I think it’s time she finds out,” he spoke, as we walked to the patio doors and watched our daughter run around the yard, her puppy by her side. Brian placed a hand on the small of my back, and quietly spoke,

“You’ve done such a good job with her Sam. He’s a great kid. She’s adorable,” he smiled, watching her pick wildflowers, and braid them into her hair.

Maybe things won’t be as impossible to repair as I thought…