I Won't See You Tonight

I started clearing away the dinner dishes from our patio table, as Gloria pulled Brian over to her “spot”, a little garden she created just a few months back. She had her father’s eye for creativity.

I stood from the table, and watched as Brian crouched down to Gloria’s sitting level, and listen intently as she explained every little detail of her garden, from the flowers she had chosen, to the strategic placing of the rocks outlining the premise. As though feeling my eyes, he quickly turned and met my gaze, giving me a quick smile before turning his attention back to our daughter. Slightly embarrassed, I quickly grabbed all the dishes from the table, and brought them inside to be washed.

After all the dishes had been washed and put away, and the front room had been tidied, I noticed the sun was beginning to set, and I peek out the back window to find Brian sitting in the middle of the field, arms wrapped tightly around our daughter, as the watched the sunset. I quietly made my way outside, and sat beside the two. Gloria looked up, and squirmed in Brian’s arms, making him loosen his hold enough for her to slip out and crawl into my lap. I looked down and was met with her big doe eyes, and a questioning expression.

I laughed slightly at our daughter’s adorableness. “What is it baby?”

“Is daddy going to stay with us? Cause I really really don’t want him to go! He fun mommy,” she stated, looking over at Brian with a smile, which he quickly returned. He then turned his eyes on me, with the same questioning expression, waiting for my response.

“That’s up to him. Daddy might have to get back to his home. But he’s welcome to stay if you want him to,” I replied, laughing at the excitement in her eyes.

“Daddy, you don’t have to go home, right? You stay here with us?” she asked him, a hopeful expression, and her signature pout, across her face. He stared at her for a second, before turning his gaze to me.

“I had hoped that I’d be able to stay around awhile, and finally get to know my daughter like I should have been the past four years. So if you don’t mind my being here, I would love to stay,” he told me, a hopefully expression on his face.

“Of course Bri. This is your house too. You’re always welcome here.” Gloria jumped out of my lap and into Brian’s, talking excitedly about all the things they were going to do together over the next few days.

I was so happy to see the two of them get along so well. I knew Brian would never treat her poorly, but I never expected him to embrace her with quite as open arms. Brian had a bit of a short fuse, and was quite impatient. But with Gloria, he had everlasting patience, allowing her ramble on with a constant smile on his face.

Soon, Gloria quieted down, and moved back to my now laying down form. She laid down and curled into my chest, locking her tiny arms around my neck, and watching as the sky turned dark as night set upon us. I froze up as I felt movement to my left, and was surprised to find Brian’s arm snake across myself and our daughter’s now sleeping body, and his cheek rest on the top of my head.

“I’m sorry Sam. I know it doesn’t make up for anything I’ve done, or any of the pain I’ve caused you. I’m going to make it up to you. To you both. I will prove that I still love you, that in the four years we were apart, I thought of no one but you. I’m so so sorry Sammy,” he spoke quietly, lifting his arm to run a soothing hand through my hair. I looked into his eyes, and saw not only regret and fear, but the love and passion he had for me. Had for us both.

He really didn’t mean to hurt you…

“I forgive you Brian,” I stated softly, looking into the eyes that would be forever engrained in my memory, and smiled, showing I meant it. He grinned back at me, and then looked down at our snoozing daughter.

“We probably ought to get her to bed…”

“You’re probably right,” I said, and watched as he gently picked up her up off my chest and cradled her in his arms. I quickly stood, brushing myself off, and led the way into the house, up the staircase, and into her room. Pulling the covers back, I watched as Brian gently released her into the sheets, tucked her in, kissed her forehead and whispered “I love you sweetie” in her ear. I quickly followed with my goodnight, and we silently walked into the hallway. Our eyes met and held for a few moments before I said,

“I think I still have some of your old clothes you never took with you in my closet. Let me check real quick.” I led the way to my bedroom, and quickly walking to the closet, opening the drawer I knew held all the clothes he had left behind. I grabbed a set of comfortable clothes he could sleep in, and walked out of the room to find him staring at the photos of Gloria that littered my dresser. As I walked up behind him, I cleared my throat to gain his attention.

“Here’s something you can change into for now. In the morning, we can move all your clothes into your room.” He thanked me, and took the clothes, turning his attention back to the photos on my dresser.

I walked to my bed and sat down, waiting for Brian to finish looking at all the photos. After he got to the end of the line, he turned around biting his lip.

“Do you have any more pictures of her? Like of when she was a baby…” he trailed off, looking very deep in thought. I laughed at his expression, and his request.

“I have probably a good ten albums stashed downstairs filled with photos of her, back to when she was a week old. I can fish them out tomorrow if you want to take a look at them.” He grinned, and nodded his head.

“Alrightly, well, I know you’re probably beat from playing with the munchkin all day, so I’ll show you to your room.” I stood from the bed, and led him to the room next to Gloria’s, which had, back in the day, been our music room. Soon after he left, it was quickly transformed into a bedroom, to quell the memories that stirred every time I walked through the door.

I turned to look at Brian, and knew standing in this room was probably bringing back a lot of memories for him as well. I quickly broke the impending silence.

“The bathroom is across the hall. Always prepared for you to show up, I’ve kept purchasing all the products you use to use. They’re all under the sink.” As I said that, he looked down, almost guiltily. “If you need anything else, you can come talk to me, I’m probably just going to read for a bit before I go to bed.” I gave him one last smile, and began walking backwards towards the door, seeing as he was in his own little world, and probably just wanted privacy. “Goodnight Brian,” I finished, and turned to walk out the door. As I was about to cross the threshold, he called my name.

“What is it Bri?” He looked down at his hands, and was silent for some time, before he finally looked up at me, his chocolate eyes smoldering.

“Can we talk?”