Just Have Faith

I’ve been thinking about coming clean about my past to my fans a lot lately. I just hate lying to them. Well, I suppose I’m not lying, but I am withholding truth. Maybe if I told them about my former eating disorder and depression and stuff they’d understand.

Or maybe they’d think I was trying to take some attention away from Demi Lovato, she did basically just come out about her issues after all.

Management thinks it’s a terrible idea but just sitting here eating my toast and reading all their tweets, filled with so much love brings such guilt to me for some reason.

I almost feel like I don’t deserve their love because they don’t truly know me.

Of course they don’t know that. They along with everyone else think I’m very open with my fans. I’ve been called the most open celebrity in the world. I think that’s another reason management doesn’t want me to come out with it. It would ruin my rep a bit.

Aleasha snapped me out of my thoughts by waving some Canadian bacon dipped in maple syrup in my face, “Earth to Cassie, you alive, chicka?”

“Mornin’ sunshine! How’d ya sleep?” I smiled snatching the sweet crispy piece of pork from her hands before it entered her mouth.

“Hey, that was mine!” she pouted, “bitch…”

“Love you too ‘Leash.”

The bus came to a stop and my driver yelled at us to get out and never come back.

Okay so maybe he didn’t actually say that, but Steve did want us to get out of the bus and into the record label for my meeting, joy.

Have I mentioned that management and I don’t agree on many things? Well, we don’t.

You see I am very much Canadian yet I work for an American company. Most record labels down here are cool and stuff, all but this one. These guys have no respect for their employees. There have been times where I don’t sleep for days because they’re working me so hard.

Now I’m not complaining, I love my job and would do anything to be where I am, but I occasionally, like any normal human being, appreciate sleep. But hey, whatever it takes right?

Walking up to these large double doors is always the start of a bad day.

If you didn’t know what happened behind these doors, the words said, the hatred given, then they are beautiful.

They’re these large oak doors. Twice the size of me, something you’d imagine being in the queen’s castle or in an old English castle from the medieval times.

However, I’ve been inside these doors far too many times, heard far too many things and witnessed way too much to consider these doors anything but the firey gates to hell.

Pushing them open I can hear the room go quiet. This is never a good sign. I really hope the tour’s still on.

“Good morning Cassandra,” Mark, Mr. Boss Man, spoke far too kind for my liking.

“Morning” I smiled warmly. Something is definitely up, I felt like everyone in the room was waiting for something terrifying to happen.

“Why don’t you have a seat so we can begin” Mark’s tone had taken a darker route this time, now there’s the man I know.

I sat in the comfy office chair at the end of the table, opposite of Mark and his worker bees. I’ve never been good with names so I couldn’t tell you for the life of me who these people are.

“So, tonight you leave for England correct?” Yes! It wasn’t cancelled.

I nodded not really sure where this was going, he booked the flight; therefore this was clearly a rhetorical question.

“Now on this tour with One Direction I would like you to follow a few guild lines,”

There it is. “You mean rules,” I stated very bluntly.

Mark smiled his cruel smirk; this is the one I would imagine seeing on an insane person before they stab you to death. “We prefer the term ‘guild lines,’ seems less… how should I say?” he asks looking towards his frightened bees.

“Ugly?” a blonde bimbo offered, she clearly had a university degree.

Mark just rolls his eyes at her failed attempted to help, he turns his attention to a new red headed man I’ve never really seen before. “Punishable?” sometimes I wonder if these people know Mark at all or if they just hide from him all day.

“Threatening,” Mark smirks that bloody smirk in my direction upon my comment.

“Yes, Cassandra, it does seem less threatening doesn’t it?”

Rhetorical question again, I hate when he does that, it makes me feel like he thinks I’m an idiot.

“No drinking, no smoking, no drugs, no sex, no dating any of the boys, no slacking off, never be late to a performance. I don’t care if your cab is stuck in traffic and you have to get out and run to set in order to be on time, just don’t be late, ever. No sightseeing, you won’t have time anyways. And last but definitely not least, you will have both a personal trainer and a dietitian on tour with you this time, they will control what you eat, when you eat and you will work out every day for at least two hours. Got it?”

These are the same rules I get every tour. Only thing new is the trainer and nutritionist or whatever you call it. It’s a bummer that the drinking thing is still there though, seeing as I will be in Europe and I’m legal there.

“Yes, am I free to go?” I ask with no emotion in my voice at all.

“Do what you like,” he waves me off like a fly, “but Cassandra.”

I stop at the door to turn and look at the bastard in front of me, “yes?” I ask politely.

“You will need to lose weight within the week before the tour really starts, at least fifteen pounds twenty would be nice. You seem to be a bit larger than when we last saw you.”

Dick. “Of course.”

Of all the things he asks me to do that one was my least favourite. Sure I’m not as thin as Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez but I’m not exactly fat either. I have a flat stomach. I’m just curvy. It’s hard to find clothes that fit right when you’ve got hips, a small waist and big boobs.

No other celebrities really have to deal with big boobs, even Beyonce’s only a ‘C’ cup I’m a bloody double ‘D’ and it’s annoying as heck!

I walked back onto my bus to see no Aleasha, just a note on the table.

Great, even my best friend doesn’t wanna be near my pathetic fat ass. No shut up! I can’t think like this again! I can’t fall back down that road, I’m about to meet the boys that saved me from the disorder. It wouldn’t make sense to develop it again while on tour with them! Just stop!

I look at the note wondering where she could have gone; we’re not exactly from L.A. neither of us know the area.

“Hey, sorry I couldn’t wait to tell you in person. My mom called and I can’t come on the tour with you. :( Don’t worry everyone’s fine. Joel sends his love and Aaron still wants you to give him a chance. Just ignore him, he might be my brother but if he didn’t notice you for the awesomeness you are before the fame he doesn’t deserve your successful ass now. ;) Good luck on tour, I already called Ms. Hemppers and she will be meeting you in London to take my place. Love you chicka, keep me updated and don’t forget to pick me up something expensive you rich son of a bitch… or would you be a bitch of a son… hm… idk either way works for me :) Skype me as soon as you land! – Love From, Your Favourite MacLean”

Hemppers, also known as Jessica Hempseed, my best friend from high school.

I’m kinda glad she’s coming, I haven’t seen her in a while and when you go from seeing someone every single day of your life to not at all, you feel a little alone.

My flight is in three hours, and I can’t wait to start this tour!