We'll Fall in Love After Midnight

It was the first time seeing Austin in a week, also the same day I last saw Mike. I hadn't told him that I kissed Mike and it was making me feel guilty. I was scared it'd start a fight already when we're barely back together.

I sat on the island in his kitchen while I watched him cook our dinner. "I kissed him," I said, staring at the back of his head.

"Kissed who?" He asked, turning his head slightly.

"Mike."

"When?" He sounded confused and looked back at the stove.

"Last week when he came over. I don't know why I did it. I guess it was just to let myself know it was over, it was real," I shrugged.

Austin set the wooden spoon down next to the stove and walked over to me. "That's alright," he placed his hands on my thighs.

"You're not mad?" I asked, putting my hands on his shoulders.

"No. I know you didn't kiss him like you once did, and that's fine. I understand why you did it. Whatever," he said with a smug smile. His brown eyes looked truthful as he looked into mine. He gave me a quick kiss and walked back over to the stove.

We ate our dinner over a small conversation as usual. I cuddled up close to him on the couch when we were through. This was the first time I had been to his apartment, so I couldn't help but look at everything around me.

"Ya know, all these Star Wars posters will have to go in a closet if I ever move in."

"I'll take you out of this apartment before I take down my Star Wars stuff, woman."

I chuckled, "I can't believe you actually have your own place though. Weird you went from living off of your psycho ex-girlfriend to getting your shit together."

"I know," he laughed. "She was awful, I don't know what I was thinking with that one." I smacked his chest. "I got an awesome bitch now though, so it's all good," he pulled my hair playfully and kissed me.

"Yeah, yeah," I yawned and snuggled my face into his chest.

"Go to bed, babe," he said and kissed my head.

"Can we go to your bed then?" I asked.

He nodded and turned the TV off before we went to his room. I got out of my sweats and got into his king size bed. He got on his side and turned the TV on in there, turning the volume low. It was comforting as he pulled my sleepy body close to his.

-

It was funny to wake up how we used to; one of my legs across butt, gripping onto a pillow, as did he. I watched him sleep a few minutes before deciding to wake him up by smacking him on the side of his head.

"Ow, what the fuck?" He blinked his eyes, lifting his head up.

"Good morning," I smiled.

"Fuck you," he put his faced into the pillow. I giggled and gave him a minute before looking at me again. "What do you want you little fuck?"

"I wanted to wake you up, duh," I smiled.

"Obviously," he huffed and rubbed his eyes. He stretched and pulled me over to him, giving me a small good morning kiss.

"Mmm, morning breath."

"I know. It totally turns you on," he kissed me again.

"Oh, totally. So what do you have planned today?" I asked, running my fingers delicately across the tattoos on his chest.

"Just hanging out, maybe with you," he winked.

I kissed his scruffy cheek and smiled. Something came over me with that wink, it took me back to that place of when we first met. I felt so in love and happy in the last week, it almost scared me. I moved my lips from his cheek to his lips, cupping his face as I did. His tongue slid against mine as his hands moved to my bottom. We finally pulled away, both breathing heavy.

"What was that for?" He chuckled.

"I don't know, I just...had the urge to do that. I love kissing you more than anything else," I spoke softly. I looked back to his ink as I rested my head on his arm. "I'd marry you right now if you asked," I admitted. He stayed quiet for a moment, quiet enough to let me hear his heartbeat quickly change it's normal pace.

"You mean that?" He whispered. I lifted my head to look at him, nodding my head. I felt like crying, I don't know why. He looked as if he was going to cry too, "can I ask you something though?" I gave him a nod. Austin hesitated for too long and sat up. He looked like he was searching for all the right words. "Are you afraid of being alone?"

"What do you mean?" I was confused.

"Like do you always have to be with someone to feel okay? I feel like you're always between people, never just being single. I'd marry you, I'd fucking love to but it scares me," he said.

"Why does it scare you?"

"Because I'm scared I'll wake up one day and you'll change your mind about me again. I'll grow old to you and you'll want that newer relationship again, you'll want Him again." I stared at him, unsure of what to say. "And the day we become engaged, you're going to think of Him. Every feeling you ever had for him, good or bad, is going to come rushing back to you before you tell me your answer. He's going to hear the news from the wrong person at the wrong time, and it will destroy him all over again." I didn't realize I had began crying until his thumb brushed a few tears away from my cheeks.

My face pressed against his warm chest as I began crying more. He was right and it killed me; He knew me better than I knew myself. "I've thought of that day, too. I always wondered what you would do if I married him, and vice versa. It upsets me that you're thinking of all this. I know everything is in the past, but I feel like it'll always be brought up. We'll never let each other forget how much we fucked up, and all the progress will mean nothing."

"I didn't mean to make you cry. I've just been thinking about this since we got together again and it just came out. I know you love me, Mace, there's just those thoughts in the back of my mind. I know it's not going to happen but still.. I guess it just scares me to the point I want to die at the thought of losing you again. My heart literally can't handle anymore sadness over you," he said. The way his brown eyes looked at me made me want to cry all over again.

I am scared of being alone without him.