I'm Not Retarded, Just Unique

“Frankie, honey? I brought you some pizza,” Marie said. She entered the room with the paper plate and stared down at her grandson. Frank had been in bed all day. He had refused to get up and go to school and wouldn't speak a word. All Frank had done was sit curled up in a small ball, cradling Gerard's jacket to his chest. The grandmother tried to cover her grandson in the other blankets, but that only ended up with Frank shouting and pushing the blankets away as if they burned him.

Marie was deeply concerned to say the least. Frank had never acted this way before. In the past, he had a bit of depression but never to this extent. Marie knew she needed to get Frank to his therapist. Somehow, she was getting this boy out of bed and to the doctor.

It was a given to Marie, that Frank was still emotionally scarred by the bathroom bully incident. Grandmother Iero couldn't help but ponder over the thought that Frank's nightmare from last night was also apart of it. Frank never spoke of them. He'd only tell Anna about his night terrors and Marie would have to hear about them during the consulting period her and Anna had after every visit.

“Frank, you haven't eaten anything all day. Can you please at least take a bite? Just one,” Marie begged, placing the pizza on Frank's nightstand. She tried to get Frank to notice her but his eyes only rested on the closet door. His eyes were glassy, not enough to have tears ready to fall, but just enough to let Marie know that if she said the wrong thing the tears would show. She sat down on Frank's bed, brushing the hair out of his eyes. Frank's forehead had a large dark purple egg on it from where his head hit the metal paper towel dispenser. There was also a large greenish-yellowish bruise on Frank's ribs from where he was kicked. Frank would brake out into a severe episode if Marie touched either one of his bruises. Needless to say, the woman stayed clear of them.

Frank's nose twitched and his stomach rumbled as the aroma of the pizza filled the air. Frank hadn't been hungry all day but now his stomach is craving any sort of substance. He slowly moved his eyes away from the closet door and to the wall next to it. He let his eyes wander down to the floor until they trailed along to the bottom his nightstand. They lingered there for a moment, before going up the nightstand and resting on the pizza. Marie's eye looked hopefully as Frank eyed the pizza. His body didn't want to move. His stomach however demanded that Frank grabbed that pizza before one of his organs became dinner.

Frank's finger twitched around the jacket, his stomach obviously had more power than his brain did. His hand and arm inched their way over to the pizza before taking hold of it. Frank grabbed the covers for the first time and pulled them over his head and took the pizza into his cave. He inhaled it in a matter of seconds before poking his head back out of the covers and tossing them away again. He noticed that Marie had a smile on her face as Frank stared back at the closet.

“Thanks,” Frank whispered. He honestly felt a lot better after eating. “more...please?” Marie kissed Frank's forehead, staying clear of the bump, before she left to get Frank another piece. Frank moved around a bit, peeling himself off of the sheets beneath him that had his body imprint on it. He pressed his back to the headboard and let out a sigh.

Frank felt upset, different. His dream left him in a bad mood when he woke up the second time. His mind wondered off as his emotions skyrocketed out of control. He was so confused and puzzled as to why those boys did those things to him. It made Frank feel different and hurt. He wanted to know why they hurt him. He needed to know why they called him so many names. All he did was pee. Was he not allowed to be in that bathroom? Was that why he got hurt? Why would Melissa tell him to go inside if he wasn't allowed to? Maybe he got the wrong door. Knowing this, Frank felt stupid. Frank rarely, if at all, ever felt stupid. Frank hated the feeling of being stupid, it made him realize how no one was like him. Stupid people were different, they were slow. They weren't-...they weren't special.

Frank's heart cracked as he thought of the words. Frank wasn't special. Frank was stupid. Frank never felt stupid, but right now, he thought a rock could do a better job at living than him. His apatite faded as his brain overpowered his stomach. A low sob escaped Frank as the thought replayed in his head.

He wasn't special, not special, just stupid.

Marie entered Frank's room with his dinner but stopped when he heard Frank's sobs. She looked up to see the boy crying and she instantly set down the food and ran over to him. Tears were falling down his face as heart breaking sobs left his body, shaking his shoulder as he cried. Marie wrapped her arms around Frank but he pushed and slapped her away. Frank feared Marie would no longer love him if he knew the truth, if she knew what happened in the bathroom or in his dreams. Marie was always telling Frank how special he was or how proud she was to have him as her special, little boy. Frank's heart ached at the thought of Marie hating him. Watching her wrinkly face look disgusted as her tired, brown eyes filled with the same look her face held. The same look Frank's parents had.

This thought made Frank's lungs struggle to take in the oxygen he needed. To many sobs left his body, leaving him gasping for air at the end of each fit. His body was shaking and he kept screaming whenever Marie had her arms around him. The old woman took Frank's face in her arms and locked eyes with him. His eyes were wide and scared and whimpers were the only things that came out every time he exhaled.

“Frankie baby, calm down. Look at me, and calm down. Everything is alright, you hear me? No on is here to hurt you, it's just me and you baby. I love you so much Frankie. You are my special little boy and-” Frank stared screaming once more, stopping Marie's speech. He wasn't special.

Frank pushed Marie away, burrowing under the covers and trying to latch onto the wall. His blunt nails dug into the paint covered drywall as he tried desperately to disappear into it. He didn't want to be seen and he didn't want to be heard. Frank's closet wouldn't even be enough to satisfy his need to vanish.

“Frank, I'm taking you to visit Doctor Anna.” Marie spoke up, causing Frank to stop. His body froze and the only sound that could be heard was his erratic breathing and Marie's sniffles. Frank normally fought about going to see Anna. He'd say he was happy or that she couldn't help him. Now however, Frank needed to see her. Doctor Anna made Frank feel happy, even when he was already feeling it. She always told Frank exactly what he wanted to hear. Anna was the only person who would be honest with Frank, even if it was hurtful. Then, she would help Frank deal with the pain he was feeling about it.

Frank needed that.

Carefully, he pulled the covers away and arranged his body more comfortably. He looked up at Marie's tear stained face and nodded.

“Okay.”

Marie let out a sigh of relief before nodding.

“I'll call her.”

“Okay,” Marie hesitated before she fled the room and went downstairs to call the life saving woman. She picked up the phone and dialed her numbed.

“Yes, Marie?” Doctor Anna asked, sounding as profession as ever.

“Hi Anna, I'd like you to see Frank as soon as possible. He is having his biggest episode I have ever seen and he won't let me touch him or comfort him.” Marie rushed out, wiping up her tears stained face.

“Has he said anything to you? Has anything happened that could have provoked his behavior?” Doctor Anna asked.

“He hasn't spoken a word to me or let me into his head. Yesterday though, he got bullied at school and had another nightmare. When he woke up this morning he just stayed in bed and didn't do anything at all. I got him some food to eat but when I brought it to him he was beginning his panic attack.” Marie was frantic, desperate to help her poor grandson.

“Has he calmed down at all?”

“Yes, when I told him I wanted him to see you he stopped.”

“Okay Marie, I want you to bring Frank over right away. I will see you in a bit.” The women exchanged goodbyes before they hung up. Marie rushed to the coat closet and grabbed a random jacket to throw on. She was about to head up the stairs when there was a light tap at her door.

“For the love of-” she let out a groan. She yanked the door open and stared out at Gerard and Mikey.

“Hey Marie, Mikey was worried about why Frank wasn't at school today. Is he alright?” Gerard asked and Marie let out small huff.

“Uh-no sorry, he really isn't alright right now.” Marie told them and they both looked worried.

“Is he okay?” Mikey asked, trying to look into the house for signs of Frank.

“Did anything-”

“I'M NOT SPEICAL!!!!” The loud screech silenced everyone as they all stared up the stairs knowing the voice only came from Frank. “I'M NOT! I'M NOT! I'M NOT! I'M NOT!” Crashing and loud bangs filled the air as Marie turned back around and faced the two petrified teens.

“I'm sorry Gerard, but I need to take Frank to his therapist right now.” Marie nearly slammed the door before running up the stairs. She found Frank storming around his room. His dresser was knocked over and broken picture frames were scattered around the room. His lamps were lying on their sides and the light within was shattered. Paper and books were ackrewed and being thrown across the room, some book exploding on impact. Frank was shrieking, letting the world know the he wasn't special and that no one loved him.

“Frank!” Marie cried and the boy dropped the book in his hand. Frank dropped the his knees and curled up into a ball.

“Not...not special...no-no-no love....” Frank murmured.

“Frank, we are leaving to go see Anna. Please, can you get you coat and shoes on?” Frank carefully got on his red converse and slid on Gerard's jacket. His movements were slow and lethargic. He got to his feet and inch by inch, made it to the car. Marie followed after him and she wasn't surprised to see that Gerard and Mikey were still outside the door. Mikey was calling out to Frank and Gerard watched him with sorrow in his eyes.

Gerard was so puzzled. Frank was always smiling and seemed like the happiest boy alive. Almost as if nothing could ever tear him down. Even in the worst situations he was at least crying but this Frank in front of him, he looked dead. Frank's face was pale and stained, his eyes were red rimmed, dull, and unfocused, His body seemed smaller even if he hadn't lost weight. This Frank looked unhealthy. He looked sickly without his glowing halo.

Frank sat in the car, arms wrapped around himself with his knees pressed to his chest. Mikey was tugging on Gerard's sleeve, begging to know why Frank looked so ill. Marie started to car and drove away and Gerard turned to Mikey.

“Gerard! Frank, Frank,” Mikey pointed at the car and Gerard hugged his brother.

“Mikey, you know how you have your little moment where you get really angry or sad?” Gerard asked his younger brother, getting a nod in response.

“Yea,”

“Well, Frank can't get mad or angry like you, but he can get really sad. So Frank is having those really sad moments just like you right now. Frank is having a really big one though and he needs to talk to his doctor. You know your doctor Toro? Well, Frank has a doctor like that too and he's going to go see them right now.” Mikey stared off at the direction the car went too.

“Is he going to be okay? I-I want Frank to be okay.”

“He's gonna be okay Mikey. Don't worry about Frank, he's strong.” Mikey smiled reassuringly at Gerard. Gerard however, couldn't convince himself by his own words. He was worried sick about Frank. His screaming sent shivers how his spine and he wanted to just cradle Frank in his arms and whisper sweet little things into his ear until he calmed down. Gerard bit his lip nervously knowing he was growing far to attached to this boy for his own liking.