I'm Not Retarded, Just Unique

“I'm not special.” Frank told his therapist after a long period of silence. Doctor Anna looked up at Frank from her computer, seeing that he finally wanted to talk. It took him some time to calm down once he got into the office, but he was just quite now.

“Why do you say that, Frank? Did someone tell you this?” Anna reached for her notepad and pen, ready to jot down the needed information.

“No, no one told me. I feel it. Inside, my brain to-told me.” Frank told Anna and she nodded. Frank felt the need to speak formally around Anna. he took a lot more pauses in between words, but he formed more grammatically correct sentences.

“Are you depressed, Frank?” Anna had her pencil ready. She had told Marie once that it would be a nice idea to have Frank be on some anti-depressants, if not just have them in the house. Marie said Frank was never depressed but from what it looked like to Anna, he was.

“Depressed...no, yes. I don't know. Yes, yes I feel sad. I feel hurt. I feel-feel merph, confused.” Merph, Anna took, was the emotion of anger. The doctor knew all about Frank's lack of anger. She also knew that Frank would tell her that he was indeed angry. Of course he'd say he was 'mmrph' or 'merph' instead of anger.

“Why are you upset Frank? Why does your brain say that you are not special?”

“Because I am stupid.” Anna was shocked by Frank's words. Never before had she heard the word being spoke from Frank. The boy would often lean real close and whisper 'The S word!!' to her.

“Stupid? Frank you are not stupid, why would you think so?”

“Because I am slow, slow people they-they are different. If you are, different, you aren't special. Different is-is, is a bad word, like stupid. I'm stupid and different. STUPID!” Frank screamed the last word, a strange feeling irrupting in his belly. Frank's eyebrows were knitted together but soon they sunk down and Frank curled up into a ball. “Useless.”

“When did these feelings start coming?”

“I was bullied.” Anna had already figured that out from the large lump on Frank's forehead. “They said names, I never got names. Retard, freak, mistake they, they-um, hit me. Mikey came, Mikey's my friend. Gerard, he's my friend too. I have friends. Mikey, my friend, he saved me. This jacket is Gerard's. I like Gerard. He makes my belly feel fuzzy.” Frank was getting off subject. Marie had already informed Anna about Frank's new friends and she didn't want to talk about them right now.

“Frank, did the bullies offend you?”

“Offend...hurt, be mean,” Frank said. “I-I don't know. Yes, they hurt me uh-....physic-physically. Yes, they hurt me physically. My heart hurt. I felt sad. Yes, they hurt me. Offend me, yes.” Frank nodded, agreeing with his thoughts.

“Why do you think these boys hurt you?” Frank shook his head.

“I don't know.” Frank told Anna honestly. He didn't know and that's what bothered him the most. Why did they hurt him? Why did they feel the need to say such cruel words?

“Frankie, you know there are more people like them in the world.” Frank's head snapped up at his doctor. His eyes were wide as he locked his gaze with his green eyed doctor. She nodded, her silky brown hair bobbing in the curls she styled them in.

“What? Why?” He whined.

“That is just how life works Frank. Nothing can go by easily and smooth. Everyone has to face some hardships sooner or later. Bullies are what most people who are different have to face, Frank. It is a hard part of life. Just because you are different, doesn't mean you are stupid, Frank. No one is ever stupid, just in need or more help. Trust me when I say this Frank, but you are not someone who needs more help. You know why Frank?” Anna smiled down at Frank who looked up at her hopefully.

“What?” Frank asked. His normally bright and shiny eyes were back but his smile was still gone.

“I'm going to need you to do something before I tell you.” Anna said and Frank nodded. “Smile for me.” Frank furrowed his brow for a moment but then flashed Anna the biggest smile he could.

“Smile!” Frank grinned.

“That's why Frank.” Anna poked Frank's nose and Frank stared at her confused. “You can smile. You have the power to smile at those bullies. You can let them know that you are Frank and you are special. You let them know that they are the ones who are different and not you.” Frank stared out the window for the longest time. He began to process everything Anna was telling him. Frank was special, they were different.

“So-...so, I'm special?” Anna nodded, “and...and they are different?” The doctor smile at Frank this time. With another long silence, a small smile appeared on Frank's face. The small smile grew into a normal smile, which grew into a grin, that grew into a mad hatter grin.

“I'm special!” Frank announced. “Me! Me! ME! ME!” Frank giggled and Marie knew she had cleared up Frank's depression. She would still breech the topic of anti-depressants to Marie, though. The doctor was still strong on idea of Frank owning the medication in case of emergencies much like this one was.

“Now Frank, next time this happens I want you to go get help okay? If you see those boys come at you, I want you to run and get help. If they corner you, I want you to scream as loud as you can. Do not try to take them on. Violence is never the answer.” Frank nodded and sprang up from his seat. He was about to ask if he can go when a negative thought invaded his head. His smile vanished and he felt his knees go weak. Anna's smile also faded as she stared at Frank with concern.

“I had dream again.” Frank announced and Anna bit the inside of her cheek. “This one was about leaving. When grandma and grandpa found me.” Frank sat back down in the chair, bringing his knees up to his chest.

“Frank we talked about these dreams before.” Anna told her client, but Frank didn't seem to listen. “The past can't hurt you, Frank. You know I can't help you if you don't tell me what happened.” Anna was very much out of the loop when it can to Frank's parents. Marie has given Anna very little information about Frank's past because she knew very little. Frank was the only one who could provided the information and he refused to talk about anything that went on in the home.

“I can still feel it.” Frank said, his blunt nails dug into his shoes as the thought of the roach and rats filled his head. “Their teeth...their feet...I feel it on my tongue, my toes.” Frank bit down on his tongue and squeezed his eyes shut. Frank didn't want to remember the feelings of his past. He wanted them gone and over with. He shook his head, his eyes shut tightly as he willed the thoughts away. He refused to speak of them, to relive the moments he feared most. Anna watched in horror as Frank bottled up the emotions.

“Frank, tell me about this. Do not bottle up these memories it is unhealthy.” Anna reached out for Frank but his eyes shot open and he jumped back. He jumped out of the chair so fast it was knocked onto the floor. His eyes were shut once more and with the last will power he had, he forced the thoughts away. The faded and he could no longer feel the tiny legs on his tongue or the sharp teeth at his toes. His heavy breathing was normal and he opened his eyes and stared at a devastated Anna.

“I'm better now, yes? Happy. I'm happy, I go?” Frank pointed to himself and Anna said nothint.

“Yes Frank, you can go.” Frank ran over to Anna and gave her a big hug.

“Anna makes me happy. You make me happy. I love you!” Frank nuzzled the doctors neck before pulling away a bit. Anna did nothing as she watched Frank run out of the room. He was practically skipping down the hallway to the waiting room. Frank spotted Gerard in the room as he entered and his happy mood just kept getting brighter.

“GERARD!” Frank cried as he danced over to the boy and gave him a giant hug. “Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy,” Frank repeated nuzzling Gerard a bit, acting like a friendly dog who wanted to be pet. Frank rested his chin on Gerard chest and looked up at him, letting out a sheepish grin.

“You all better than?” Gerard smiled and Frank nodded.

“I'm special, they aren't,” Frank stated.

“Excuse me, but where is Marie?” Doctor Anna asked Gerard who was trying to balance Frank who was crawling all around him.

“She-uh-she had to go home real fast. She remembered that she left her cake in the oven.” Anna let out a huff of laughter.

“Anna! This is Gerard! He is my friend, the one I said. Gerard this is Doctor Anna. She-She is my angel!” The two exchanged friendly greeting. “Mikey, where is Mikey?” Frank asked the elder Way.

“I had to take him home, you'll see him at school tomorrow though.” Gerard replied and Frank nodded his head. “Marie said I could take you home if you wanted. Unless you'd like to wait for her to come.” Frank stared up at Gerard and grinned.

“Gee! Gee will take me home.” Gerard nodded and Frank latched onto his arm.

“Uh-Marie said she'd be back to talk about Frank.” Gerard said to Anna who still stood watching the two.

“Alright, have a pleasant evening Frank.” She smiled down at Frank who grinned up at her.

“Bye Anna!” He waved frantically as Gerard lead them out of the building. Gerard led Frank to his car and the two hopped in and buckled up. Frank was bubbling with excitement as he looked around Gerard's surprisingly clean car.

The whole ten minuet ride consisted of Frank chatting away about almost everything on the planet. Gerard would nod and laugh a bit in response. Frank's new favorite thing to do was hang out with Gerard. He found everything about Gerard to be fascinating and new. Frank wanted to know everything about Gerard and he wanted to be Gerard's best friend. Could Frank be more than a best friend to Gerard? Was there a higher level? He had learn on the TV that the 'next level' in certain 'situations' was getting a boyfriend or girlfriend. Was that a stronger bond of friendship? Could Gerard be Frank's boyfriend?

“Gerard can we be boyfriends?” Frank asked out loud. Gerard tripped over his own feet, nearly sending him to the ground.

“Uh-what?” Gerard asked clearly confused with what Frank had just said.

“Boyfriend, I want to be your boyfriend. We should be boyfriends. Is it girlfriend? We are boys, so boyfriends, yes?”

“Uh-Frank, do you know what a boyfriend is?” Gerard asked, he was beyond shocked at Frank's words. He could feel his cheeks heating up at Frank's words. He knew Frank didn't know what a boyfriend really meant.

“It is the next, level in friendship, yes? I want to be your best friend. More than you best friend, boyfriend!” Frank grinned, clapping his hands together excitedly.

“Yea, I-er guess it is. But Frank, being someone boyfriend means you like them.” Gerard told Frank and he stared at him.

“I like Gerard.”

“No Frank, not like that. Like, the special kind of like that makes you want to snuggle or kiss someone. Being boyfriends means we are in a relationship as in we are dating. I do not think you want to be in a relationship with me.” Frank took his time processing Gerard's words.

Relationship, when two people like each other-love even. Frank did like Gerard, but this was was different. Lovey-like, he called it. Frank wasn't sure he lovey-liked Gerard.

“I don't know, if I lovey-like you. You make-you make my tummy warm and fuzzy. You, you also calm me down and when, I think of-um, you I smile. I really like you a lot but, I do not know if I lovey-like you.” Frank confessed to Gerard who eyed him. Frank had basically said to Gerard that he had a crush on in.

“Frank, you have a crush,” Gerard said. Frank cocked an eyebrow at Gerard and looked at his shoes.

“I did not crush anything.” He said before opening his house door. He entered and closed the door behind Gerard, taking off his shoes and checking them.

“No, a crush mean-uh-” Gerard paused, clearly feeling a bit uneasy with this subject. He was just telling Frank that he liked him. That was a bit awkward. He looked around to see if Marie was homer but she had already left.

“I crushed you?” Frank asked him. “Your hand? Your foot? Did I step on your foot? I'm sorry, I stepped on your foot.” Frank frowned and Gerard shook his head.

“A crush means you like someone in the lovey-like way, but you don't want to necessarily be in a relationship with them. You just simply-uh, find them attractive or cute.” Gerard's face grew darker with every word he spoke. He'd be lying if he said he didn't think that Frank was a cute kid. Hell, Frank was a-god-damn-dorable. The thought of Frank actually liking Gerard, made him want to act like a sixteen year old fan girl.

“I think you are cute.” Frank stated bluntly. Gerard was taken back by that and blinked a few times.

“You do?”

“Yes! Gerard is cute. You are cute. Cute like a puppy. I want to snuggle you, warm and fuzzy.” Frank gave himself a big hug before he looked at his arms. “Jacket! I have your-uh, jacket. Do you want it back?” Frank shrugged off the jacket and handed it to Gerard.

“Thanks,” Gerard smiled a bit, taking the jacket. Frank smiled at Gerard, his cheeks a light pink before he skipped of to the living room.

“Movie time!” Frank announced sitting down next to the DVD's and looking for one. He plucked one out and messed around with the electrical cords until something popped up. Gerard sat down on the couch and smiled at The Nightmare Before Christmas appeared on the scream and Frank pressed play.

“You like this movie?” Gerard questioned Frank and he nodded.

“It's my favorite!” Frank jumped onto the same couch as Gerard and snuggled into his arms. He giggled and turned his attention back to the movie. Frank began singing along to the opening song even getting Gerard to follow along at times.

That evening was peaceful and quite and it was something that both Frank and Gerard were happy to repeat again.