Folie à Deux

I got troubled thoughts and the self-esteem to match.

They found themselves in a new cycle; a new circle, one that wasn’t filled with anger and jealousy. This new circle that never seemed to end was instead filled with worry and cautiousness.

Both of these, worry and being cautious seemed to fall more heavily onto Pete’s shoulders. He wasn’t sure what he could do for Mia. He had his own experience with suicide attempts, but after his, he preferred being alone. But now that he was seeing Mia after her attempt, leaving her alone was the last thing on his mind.

It was because of Pete’s worry that Mia was feeling like no one trusted her. Pete would come to Zoe’s apartment while Mia’s sister was at work and lay in her bed with her or sit and watch movies with her in the living room.

When Mia asked Pete about his work, he responded by saying he had gotten some time off.

They say the captain goes down with the ship.

Mia wished everything could just be simple and easy in her life. She wished that Pete’s infidelity didn’t loom over them like a heavy storm cloud. She wished they could trust each other more… but even before everything had changed, there hadn’t been much trust.

So maybe Mia deserved what had happened; that she should have realized that Pete would cheat. She didn’t like these thoughts. Soon she had stopped sleeping again, worrying that maybe everything was her fault.

So when the world ends, will God go down with it?

Pete stayed with her most nights. They never kissed or had sex. Mia wasn’t sure if she could be that intimate with him anytime soon. She wasn’t even sure if they were back together. All they seemed to be was two people keeping each other company.

Pete woke up one of the nights that he was staying at Zoe’s and found Mia awake, watching him closely.

“Are you okay?” he whispered. She gave him a small smile.

“I can’t sleep,” she said quietly, averting her eyes from his. He had noticed lately that the circles under her eyes seemed to darken each day, but he hadn’t really put much thought into it until now.

“When’s the last time you got some sleep?” he asked, and her eyes met his again and she could see the concern.

“Yesterday,” she lied. Pete knew she was lying but didn’t push her. He had had his own share of insomnia and new that sometimes there was nothing that could be done.

Sometimes it was scary to think about how similar they were. The typical person would normally use the overused phrase of “opposites attract,” but it just wasn’t the case for Mia and Pete. It was probably the fact that they were so similar that made their relationship so toxic most of the time. Even when their relationship was at its best, individually they were at their worst.

And all I can think of is the way I’m the one who charmed the one who gave up on you.