I Haven't Decided Yet
1/1
The day I met Ellie was either the worst day of my life, or the best day of my life. I haven’t decided yet. It could have been the beginning of the start of my life. That’s what it felt like sometimes. Now I wonder if it was just the end, or if I’m just crazy, or maybe both.
I remember the way she looked, that first day that we met. Her smile, with the wind blowing through her hair, as she turned to look at me for the very first time. It’s a feeling I can’t adequately describe. The fact that she was smiling at me, and the way she was smiling at me made me feel important, wanted, for the first time in my life.
I had to look behind me to make sure her smile wasn’t directed at someone else. Just in case. There was no one there. I remember looking back at her again, my face confused, my heart beat erratic. I remember the way she just laughed, and the way her eyes crinkled at the corners when she did.
I felt my heart rate accelerate and my palms start to sweat. I thought people only felt that way in films when they first saw someone. No moment in time could ever be so perfect. Life didn’t feel like it moved in slow motion. But in that moment, it did.
I remember the way she approached me first, her stride confident, her chin held just that little bit higher. I stood there, awkward and insignificant as ever, my hands stuffed into my jeans pockets so that she wouldn’t see them shaking. When she stopped in front of me, I opened my mouth to say something, but she beat me to it.
“I dare you to steal that street perfomer’s unicycle and ride it right on out of here.”
I stared at her, dumbfounded. I had no idea what to say. What do you say when someone dares you to steal a street performer’s unicycle? A sudden confidence overtook me. Maybe it was the way she was smiling at me. I felt the need to impress her, like that was the only way I would gain her approval. A beautiful girl was asking me to steal a unicycle, and you know what? If she wanted the unicycle, I’d fucking get it for her.
“Do you double dare me?” I asked her, feeling the goofy smile spread across my face. I saw the spark in her eye as she thought it over, and my smile only grew wider.
“I double dare you,” she said.
“You lose, then.”
“What?”
“A double dare means you have to do it, too!”
She narrowed her eyes at me, but the smile didn’t leave her face.
“You’re on,” she said, taking off in a sprint. I ran after her, laughing as she snatched up one of the unicycles, doing the same just seconds after. The street performers started yelling after us, though they were dazed and confused at first, and soon enough, Sydney Harbour was lit up by a bunch of clowns in rainbow outfits chasing after two stupid kids on unicycles.
We escaped to the Opera House and got lost in the crowd. We watched from the top of the stairs as the clowns gave up their pursuit and trudged back to where they’d come from. I turned to her and laughed, feeling invincible.
“I’m Ellie,” she said, holding out her hand.
I laughed and took it in mine, shaking it lightly. “I’m Kaden.”
We spent the rest of the day exploring Sydney on unicycles. For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel insignificant. I wasn’t just another person in the crowd. With Ellie, I was someone important. I meant something. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had a place where I could belong. But it wasn’t really a place. It was a person.
One person.
Because sometimes a physical place like a house or an apartment building isn’t really a home. Sometimes, you don’t really feel like you’re truly home until you’re with that one person that makes you feel like anything is possible. Like you can be anything and do anything.
With Ellie, I was home.
I never did see her again. But I’ll never forget the way she made me feel for that one moment in time, like I was worth something.
I still have the unicycle. I never did give it back. Some days, I sit and look at it, thinking about the day I met Ellie and wondering where she is now and what she’s doing. Is she stealing a bike this time? A monkey? An elephant? Is she in the process of kidnapping an entire circus? I don’t know.
I wonder about her really quite a lot. I wish I didn’t. Sometimes. I guess I’m not too sure, to be honest. The day I met Ellie was either the worst day of my life, or the best day of my life.
I haven’t decided yet.
I remember the way she looked, that first day that we met. Her smile, with the wind blowing through her hair, as she turned to look at me for the very first time. It’s a feeling I can’t adequately describe. The fact that she was smiling at me, and the way she was smiling at me made me feel important, wanted, for the first time in my life.
I had to look behind me to make sure her smile wasn’t directed at someone else. Just in case. There was no one there. I remember looking back at her again, my face confused, my heart beat erratic. I remember the way she just laughed, and the way her eyes crinkled at the corners when she did.
I felt my heart rate accelerate and my palms start to sweat. I thought people only felt that way in films when they first saw someone. No moment in time could ever be so perfect. Life didn’t feel like it moved in slow motion. But in that moment, it did.
I remember the way she approached me first, her stride confident, her chin held just that little bit higher. I stood there, awkward and insignificant as ever, my hands stuffed into my jeans pockets so that she wouldn’t see them shaking. When she stopped in front of me, I opened my mouth to say something, but she beat me to it.
“I dare you to steal that street perfomer’s unicycle and ride it right on out of here.”
I stared at her, dumbfounded. I had no idea what to say. What do you say when someone dares you to steal a street performer’s unicycle? A sudden confidence overtook me. Maybe it was the way she was smiling at me. I felt the need to impress her, like that was the only way I would gain her approval. A beautiful girl was asking me to steal a unicycle, and you know what? If she wanted the unicycle, I’d fucking get it for her.
“Do you double dare me?” I asked her, feeling the goofy smile spread across my face. I saw the spark in her eye as she thought it over, and my smile only grew wider.
“I double dare you,” she said.
“You lose, then.”
“What?”
“A double dare means you have to do it, too!”
She narrowed her eyes at me, but the smile didn’t leave her face.
“You’re on,” she said, taking off in a sprint. I ran after her, laughing as she snatched up one of the unicycles, doing the same just seconds after. The street performers started yelling after us, though they were dazed and confused at first, and soon enough, Sydney Harbour was lit up by a bunch of clowns in rainbow outfits chasing after two stupid kids on unicycles.
We escaped to the Opera House and got lost in the crowd. We watched from the top of the stairs as the clowns gave up their pursuit and trudged back to where they’d come from. I turned to her and laughed, feeling invincible.
“I’m Ellie,” she said, holding out her hand.
I laughed and took it in mine, shaking it lightly. “I’m Kaden.”
We spent the rest of the day exploring Sydney on unicycles. For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel insignificant. I wasn’t just another person in the crowd. With Ellie, I was someone important. I meant something. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had a place where I could belong. But it wasn’t really a place. It was a person.
One person.
Because sometimes a physical place like a house or an apartment building isn’t really a home. Sometimes, you don’t really feel like you’re truly home until you’re with that one person that makes you feel like anything is possible. Like you can be anything and do anything.
With Ellie, I was home.
I never did see her again. But I’ll never forget the way she made me feel for that one moment in time, like I was worth something.
I still have the unicycle. I never did give it back. Some days, I sit and look at it, thinking about the day I met Ellie and wondering where she is now and what she’s doing. Is she stealing a bike this time? A monkey? An elephant? Is she in the process of kidnapping an entire circus? I don’t know.
I wonder about her really quite a lot. I wish I didn’t. Sometimes. I guess I’m not too sure, to be honest. The day I met Ellie was either the worst day of my life, or the best day of my life.
I haven’t decided yet.
♠ ♠ ♠
I found this short story I wrote a few years ago now. I completely forgot about it and happened to stumble across it whilst clearing space on my computer's hard drive. Tell me what you think? :)