The Suicide Letters
June 10, 2012
Dear Dad,
I hadn't seen you in four days. I missed you, however four days is no time compared to 6 months. It has been 6 months since I have seen my mother, sister, and stepfather. You got in the car and yelled at me about how I’m self centered and don't care, that you have given up so much for me, all because I'm upset even though your home now. You say all I think about is me even though in this case you’re only thinking of you. Imagine not seeing one side of your family for 6 months. You never will understand and that’s ok. I can't expect you to. I have this empty feeling all the time, like half of me is missing. I ache and feel nauseous. I cry my self to sleep more often then I go to sleep with a smile. I know I hide this pain well some times, but other times it spills out. I just wish you could shut your mouth and let me be upset some times.
All day at work I felt that feeling. I do ever day. My mother and sister are in town this week. It has been exactly 6 months since have hugged my mom and sister. I have only one day off work this week. You always said family comes before work, but I am not seeing my family because of work. I know you think just because your better than my mom that I don't love her to, but regardless of all the terrible shit she has put me through I do love her and you won't understand.
All we ever do is fight now. I feel like our relationship has disintegrated. We don't ever hang out any more. All I wan to spend time with you and when I do you just yell at me. I got good grades for you and you never even said good job. Thanks any ways, though. No matter what I do nothing is right. I do exactly what you tell me to do, exactly how you tell me to do it and I get yelled at for doing some thing wrong. I can't take it any more. I hope you know I love you even though you just wish I were someone else.
I wish I had the guts to do it. I wish I could take the bottle of sleeping pills in the cabinet and take ever-single one and fall asleep only to never wake up, but I can’t do it. I cant.
Sincerely,
Pixi
I hadn't seen you in four days. I missed you, however four days is no time compared to 6 months. It has been 6 months since I have seen my mother, sister, and stepfather. You got in the car and yelled at me about how I’m self centered and don't care, that you have given up so much for me, all because I'm upset even though your home now. You say all I think about is me even though in this case you’re only thinking of you. Imagine not seeing one side of your family for 6 months. You never will understand and that’s ok. I can't expect you to. I have this empty feeling all the time, like half of me is missing. I ache and feel nauseous. I cry my self to sleep more often then I go to sleep with a smile. I know I hide this pain well some times, but other times it spills out. I just wish you could shut your mouth and let me be upset some times.
All day at work I felt that feeling. I do ever day. My mother and sister are in town this week. It has been exactly 6 months since have hugged my mom and sister. I have only one day off work this week. You always said family comes before work, but I am not seeing my family because of work. I know you think just because your better than my mom that I don't love her to, but regardless of all the terrible shit she has put me through I do love her and you won't understand.
All we ever do is fight now. I feel like our relationship has disintegrated. We don't ever hang out any more. All I wan to spend time with you and when I do you just yell at me. I got good grades for you and you never even said good job. Thanks any ways, though. No matter what I do nothing is right. I do exactly what you tell me to do, exactly how you tell me to do it and I get yelled at for doing some thing wrong. I can't take it any more. I hope you know I love you even though you just wish I were someone else.
I wish I had the guts to do it. I wish I could take the bottle of sleeping pills in the cabinet and take ever-single one and fall asleep only to never wake up, but I can’t do it. I cant.
Sincerely,
Pixi