The Fear Is Paralyzing

Quinn heard a knock on her door, and she had no idea who would be visiting her right now. Her mother always called before she came over, as did Noah and Claire. She hoped it wasn’t someone trying to sell her something, as she always had trouble saying no to them, especially when it was a little girl selling Girl Scout cookies. She always ended up buying at least five boxes.
 
But, she was in for a surprise when she opened the door and saw Dean standing there. She couldn’t remember a time he had ever visited her since the time she had moved into her studio apartment, not that she was complaining about that. And, she knew that if Dean was there, it wasn’t good. She stood in the doorway, hoping that she could get him to leave without even entering her apartment. “What are you doing here, Dean?” she asked him.
 
He apparently wasn’t going away so easily, though, as he pushed past her, walking into her small apartment. When she was first deciding where to live, Quinn had still been in school, trying to obtain her MBA, and she knew she didn’t need a big place, considering she was the only one living there. So, she had settled on a studio apartment, one that her mother never seemed to let Quinn forget was exceptionally small. But, Quinn loved the place, and three years later, she still wasn’t ready to move away.
 
“I came to talk to you about the team,” he spoke, and Quinn rolled her eyes as she shut the door and walked over to where he was standing, right next to her bed.
 
“What about the team?”
 
“Have you given it any more thought about handing the team over?” Dean asked, looking around her apartment, inspecting it. Quinn could only imagine the thoughts that were going through his mind. Dean was the spoiled child growing up, always getting what he wanted from his father. He would never be caught dead living in an apartment that was as small as Quinn’s. In fact, he was currently living in a giant condo, courtesy of his father’s money.
 
Quinn was trying to keep her cool around him right now. She was used to having to at least be civil towards him at the family dinners. But, she wasn’t at her mother’s house, and she didn’t have to be as kind to him. “Dean, I am not giving you the team,” she said with exceptional calmness in her voice.
 
“Why not?” he boomed, and she actually flinched at the loudness. She took a step back from him before answering him.
 
“Because you wouldn’t be a better owner than I am,” she stated simply. “You’ve never worked for anything in your whole damn life, you’ve always live off of Daddy’s resources. You wouldn’t be able to handle owning a team. You’d run it into the ground!” she told him. She knew she had angered him, but she didn’t care about that.
 
“You’re telling me I can’t handle owning a team?” he questioned, and Quinn stood her ground, though she was fearful of what he was going to say next. Dean knew just the right things to say to hurt her, and she knew this time wouldn’t be any different. “You’re the fuck up, Quinn. What have you ever accomplished in your life? Besides living in a shitty apartment. And, you tell me I live off of Dad’s resources? How the hell do you think you got that damn team? From your daddy. The one that abandoned you because he couldn’t stand being near you any longer. He knew when you were just seven years old what a little bitch you were, and he was smart to get out.”
 
Quinn bit the inside of her cheek, taking a deep breath before she spoke. She was trying her best not to cry right now, not in front of Dean. “Get out,” she said lowly.
 
“This isn’t some school project,” Dean continued, ignoring what she was telling him. “This is a professional hockey team. This isn’t some hypothetical assignment. These are people’s careers and lives, and you are not fit to be in charge of them. You don’t know the first thing about what to do!”
 
“Get out,” she said louder this time, pointing towards the door for emphasis. Dean opened his mouth to continue talking, but she didn’t want to hear anything else he had to say. “Dean, get the hell out of here right now!” she screamed.
 
He knew he had accomplished what he had intended to, and he had a smile on his face as he left. Quinn slammed the door behind him, yelling out in frustration. She went over and collapsed on her bed, her mind racing. Dean’s words were settling in with her, and it wasn’t good. As his words repeated in her head, she felt like maybe he had a point with some things. She shouldn’t be the owner of the team. She had no real life experience with running a team whatsoever, and this wasn’t some school assignment. She couldn’t just erase her answers and redo them.

She glanced over at the clock on her bedside stand. She had planned on going into the rink today to watch the team’s practice, which started in a half an hour. She still didn’t know what she was going to do with the team, but while she was the owner, she thought she should at least go in and see the team occasionally. Plus, she hoped that by watching practice she could pick up on some more things that she needed to learn.
 
Twenty minutes later, she was walking up the stairs to sit in a seat in the last row of the lower level. She didn’t want the team to know she was there, as she could only imagine the comments she would get from them. She watched practice, trying her best to follow the puck. Since it wasn’t a scrimmage, she couldn’t learn some of the rules of the game, so instead, she decided to focus on the puck. She was still having trouble following it during the game. It seemed to move just too fast for her, and with the players passing it so often, she just couldn’t keep up.

Even practice was difficult for her. Especially with all of their drills, none of which she understood the purpose of. She still tried to make sense of them, the best she could, with the limited hockey knowledge she possessed at the moment.
 
She continued to sit there as Bylsma ended practice and the team cleared the ice. She looked around the empty arena. It was the first time she had ever been there when no one else was there, and it seemed like a completely different place than when it was filled with cheering fans for the game.
 
She saw someone climbing up the stairs towards her seat, and she quickly recognized the long hair peeking out from underneath the backwards baseball cap. It brought her back to the first day she had met the team when she had ran away and had been found by him as well. “What are you doing up here?” Kris asked, his lopsided grin that she’d grown accustomed to on his face.
 
“I came for practice,” she told him. “Just thought I’d come and watch,” she shrugged.
 
“I mean, why are you in these seats? Not up in your suite or anything?” he clarified, stepping over her so he could sit in the seat next to her since she was in the aisle seat.
 
“I don’t know,” she said, not admitting that the thought of going up to her suite to watch practice hadn’t even crossed her mind. “Just thought I’d try a different view,” she said with a small smile. They sat there for a few moments in silence before Quinn finally spoke up. “Can I ask you a question?”
 
“I think you know by now that you can,” he said with a small chuckle.
 
“You promise to be honest? Don’t sugarcoat anything or lie?”
 
Kris furrowed his eyebrows, wondering what on earth she could possibly ask him that she had to prep him first. “What is it?” he asked her, wanting her just to get to the point already.
 
“Do you think I should give up the team?” she blurted out, and Kris just looked at her, not even knowing what she was talking about or where it was coming from. He hadn’t even thought that she might give up the team. He had just assumed that she was going to learn the sport and continue to own the team. “I know I’m not a good owner. I’m trying, but it’s slow going. Do you think it’d be better if I just gave up the team completely?”
 
There was a look of sadness in her eyes, one that Kris didn’t know where it was coming from or what had caused it. “What makes you think that you’re a bad owner?”
 
“I’m probably just going to run this team into the ground,” she muttered, looking down at the ice, intentionally avoiding looking over at Kris. “The team already hates me and wants me to give the team to someone that knows what they’re doing. Maybe I should just do what they want.”
 
“Quinn, nothing really has changed since you’ve taken over,” he began. “So, the team has kinda backed off of you.”
 
“Really?” she asked, finally looking over at him.
 
“I mean, yeah, they still joke sometimes,” he admitted. “But, for the most part, it’s died down. Everyone was worried you were going to come in and try to change everything. You haven’t done that, so everyone is happy. No one is focused on you anymore. We’re focused on the season, on winning, and looking to win the Cup,” he told her. “So, why don’t you take a deep breath and not be so ready to give us all up.”
 
“Thank you,” she told him, a sincere smile on her face.
 
“You’re welcome,” he responded, standing up. “I better get out of here,” he told her. “But, I’ll talk to you later,” he added, beginning to walk down the stairs, just as another person was walking up them.

“Letang,” she heard Mario’s voice ring out as he passed Kris.
 
“Hey Mario,” Kris replied, continuing to go down the stairs.
 
Mario smiled at Quinn as he stopped in the aisle next to her. “Mind if I have a seat?” he asked, and Quinn nodded, moving over one seat so he didn’t have to step over her like Kris had had to do. She was waiting on him to say something about Kris, but he didn’t. “It’s good to see that you came in for practice,” he said. “If I would have known you were here, I would have kept you company!”
 
Quinn smiled at him. “It’s okay,” she assured him. “I just thought I’d stop by and see what practice was all about.”
 
“How are you liking your new job so far?” he asked her. She could tell that he really was interested in what she was going to say, not because he was against her, but because he was so supportive of her. Since the beginning, he had been supportive of her coming in and taking over for Mitchell, something she was eternally grateful for since almost everyone else kept asking her when she was going to give the team up. But, Mario hadn’t even mentioned her giving up the team, instead focusing on her being the new owner.

Quinn shrugged in response. “I just wish I knew more about the sport,” she admitted to him. She hoped he wouldn’t judge her for what she was about to open up about. “Mitch obviously knew hockey, or else he wouldn’t have owned a team. But, I’m pretty much the exact opposite of him. I didn’t want to be associated with anything that he had been into. Hockey included. So, I pretty much know nothing about the sport, if that wasn’t already obvious,” she told him.
 
“I had a feeling you didn’t exactly grow up with the sport,” he told her, looking out at the ice.
 
“And, I know that’s a big part of being the owner of a sports team, actually understanding the sport,” Quinn continued.
 
Mario nodded his head in agreement. “That’s true, Quinn. But, that’s not everything. Sure, you may not know the ins and outs of hockey, but that doesn’t mean you’re not doing other things that make you a good owner.” Quinn looked over at him with a curious expression on her face, wondering just what he was referring to. She hadn’t been aware that she was doing anything that a good owner would do. “You’re here right now,” he explained. “You’re showing an interest in the team by being at practice today. Sure, you may not be able to tell me every single hockey player in the league and their numbers, but you’re making an effort for this team, and that’s all anybody wants from a good owner.”
 
Quinn looked over at him. “You think I could be a good owner one day?” she asked, a hint of hopefulness in her voice.
 
“I think you’re already on your way there.”