Cleanse Me

Not Even My Heroin

Ducking my head, I order my coffee quietly and scratch at my neck, fidgeting nervously. All I can think about is the fact that I actually talked to her. I talked to her and made a fool of myself. She laughed at me, for chrissake.

The teen behind the counter shoves my extra large coffee at me, and hands me back my change, giving me a bored expression.

I stutter out a quiet "thank you" and turn around, almost running into her.

She smiles brightly at me and I try to smile back, only achieving a grimace of sorts. She doesn't seem bothered by my obvious social anxiety, which kind of surprises me.

I watch her graceful walk all the way to the cash register, and stare as she orders, entranced by her very presence. I can't even make myself move from this spot.

The teen behind the counter raises her eyebrow at me, and I blush furiously and scurry off to my regular table, ducking my head and stirring in a couple of tablespoons of cream and sugar.

I can't believe how stupid I was... I'm never going to get anywhere with her, being so fucking clueless and absolutely dumb.

After a minute, I hear the chair across from me scrape across the floor, and my head snaps up to see Sophie sitting down, cheeks flushed.

Jesus, so fucking beautiful.

I just stare at her, dumbfounded, and her cheeks get even more red.

"Hey... I hope it's okay if I sit here? I usually sit alone, and I thought 'What the hell' since we've already introduced ourselves... " she trails off, looking worried.

I rush to speak, stumbling over my words. "N-no no it's totally f-fine! I'd love some company. I'm always here by myself too and it gets kind of lonely..."

She smiles at my and my heart just races on and on, threatening to explode out of my chest.

Coughing slightly, I begin to mildly sweat, not sure what to say. I've never been good at conversation... Not ever.

Smiling, she takes a sip of her coffee.

"So, tell me Gerard. What do you do?"

I sip my coffee for confidence, rubbing the bend of my elbow discreetly. I know that's not what she means, at all but my guilty mind can't help but go directly to the bad that I do, instead of the good.

"Well... I-I'm an artist. I write comic books. I used to work for cartoon network but that was going nowhere so, I changed professions..."

Biting my lip, I breathe deeply and continue.

"After 9/11 I kind of lost it... I had no clue what was happening with my life. I mean, how was I helping people? The answer is that I wasn't. So I started this band with my brother and a couple of our friends... My Chemical Romance? I don't know if you heard of us. And I did that for a while but when my grandma died, things got hard, so we decided to quit the band. At least for a while. And so here I am. Doing my comics and living alone in an apartment off of Vine Street..." I mumble, my cheeks crimson.

Once I opened up to her, i couldn't stop. I had no clue how to shut my mouth when ususally it was hard for me to even open it to being with.

She looked at me for a minute before smiling slightly, sipping her coffee slowly.

"That's a pretty interesting story, actually. I wish my story in return was just as awesome as yours is," she says, giggling a musical giggle.

"I'm a professional chef, and I own my own business. I don't know if you've seen those stupid ad's for "Latitudes" Catering Company on the benches around the center of town? My mother made me get those. I fought her tooth and nail over it but you know mothers..." she rambled cutely, trailing off and blushing.

Smiling, I sip my drink. "My mother is just as pushy, if not more... But yes, I've totaly seen your ad's. Actually... Your company catered my Mom's friend's engagement party a couple of months ago. Some gross, disgusting middle-aged woman marrying this 30 year old millionaire. I can't even..." I trail off, embarassed.

Sophie just makes me ramble. No one has ever made me ramble.

I feel so good, just talking to her like a normal person.
Nothing has really made me feel this good in a really, really long time.

Not even my heroin.
♠ ♠ ♠
I'm so sorry for the long wait.
I hadn't even realized...

Ugh, I'm sorry.
I'm definitely going to update this again
tomorrow or Thursday at the latest.

Please let me know what you think, how I could improve... :)