Sparkling Diamonds

The next day, Benedict and my friends finally allowed me to go back to my apartment -- the same apartment that would send a rush of emotions and memories through my mind. I managed to convince them that I would be fine when I walked through that front door and I wouldn't break down like they suspected me to.

I was ashamed that they would think so low of me but how could they not? I had been through a lot and at some point, I would have to have broken fully. I had been abused for nearly ten years…something within me needed to crack. I just hoped the whole world wouldn't be there to see it.

Benedict was hovering close behind me as I put the key to the lock of the door, my hand shaking. He gripped my hand, encouraging me forward in what he had set out to accomplish. I unlocked the door and pushed through, leading the band of people I had brought along with me for support.

The apartment seemed so different now that there was nothing within it that would make me so afraid. There was even a different smell, a different air, a different feel. It felt that I was never even one of the two occupants of the house and it was just an empty shell that other people lived in.

Slowly, but surely, I made my way into the kitchen and looked about. Eliza and Bianca went further into the apartment and settled in the lounge room, looking about.

"This place seems so strange," Bianca commented as she turned to face me when she spoke.

"You're telling me," I replied as Benedict hovered near my side.

I could see his concern in his features, wanting to be near me incase anything happened but also trying to show that he wasn't being too clingy. He wanted to be near me more then anything else right now because of how it comforted us both but at that moment, I needed to settle something within myself alone.

"Can you guys give me a second?"

"Sure," Eliza said with a little concern. "Come on, Bianca…Benedict."

It took a little more convincing to get Benedict out of the apartment but Eliza managed to get him out. When Eliza closed the apartment door behind her, giving me once last hesitant look before she left, I looked around me, leaning against one of the benches in the kitchen.

I didn't know why it felt so strange to me but as I looked around, I could see why. There were more scratch marks then I could remember being there; the cupboards were empty and the plates were smashed on the ground, my feet crunching upon them as I walked towards the fridge that was completely empty of its main ingredient: beer.

I moved into the lounge room, finding that it was torn and disturbed. The television set was barely hanging by a thread off the wall -- one little bump and it would tumble over to the floor in front of me.

The single couch against the wall locked like it had been slept in as there was the doona from the bedroom spread across the seat and the seat cushions disfigured and on angles.

When I tried to turn on the lights to the apartment, they only flickered on and various electrics began to spark dangerously. Quickly, I turned off all power to the apartment to prevent any danger from happening while I was still in there.

With a deep breath, I then moved into the bedroom where all my memories of my husband over recent years occurred. The visions of mu husbands started returning slowly but soon picked up pace as I walked further into the room.

I dropped to my knees beside the bed with my hands resting on the edge of it. This sent the most profound vision I had experienced where I saw myself on that wedding night with him -- the first tim he had struck me.

James was dressed handsomely in his tuxedo while I was in a dress that was simple. At the time, my mother tried to convince me to design something more spectacular but I didn't feel that it was right.

I wore an off white wedding dress that stopped at my knees. There was a long train hanging from around my waist and accompanied by a pair of heels that I felt awkward in.

I had my hair out, running my hands through it after a long day of celebrations. The room that James and I were in was a penthouse apartment that had been booked out for the weekend in central London. I wanted to get out of the city desperately but he had managed to convince me that this was the place where everything would soon go wrong.

As I sat on the edge of the bed, my eyes drifted over to my husband who had disappeared into the bathroom across the way. I remember I called out for him to come back into the bedroom -- I was eager for what I hoped would be a wondrous night ahead.

James returned from the bathroom with a completely different demeanour surrounding him. Although I hadn't known him for long before we got married, I knew that this was not like him, that what he was portraying in that moment was completely different to the man that I had married.

He had taken off his jacket, shoes and socks and was only dressed in his shirt and rousers, his bow tie hanging around his neck loosely. I halted my movements through my hair and studied him, questioning if anything was wrong.

He responded with a quick movement across the room and a backhanded slap across the face. I flowed with the movement as I was so speechless by what had just occurred that it took me a while before I could react. In that time, however, he was on top of me and pinned me to the bed.

I looked up at him with fear in my eyes, failing at trying to contain it. I could tell that James sensed the fear that was seeping through me and he was feeding off it. The words, however, remained with me to this day and I hoped that it would be the last time I would ever hear them reverberate around my brain.

He said, "You are worthless to me. Now that I have you, you are mine to use."

I was brought back into this world by the small shaking voice of Bianca by the door. I could see Eliza and Benedict's face's popping over her shoulders as they tried to make sure that I was okay.

"I'm fine," I said. "I'm fine."

"I knew we shouldn't have come here," Bianca remarked, frustrated at what she saw and angrily disappearing from the doorway.

"Is there anything in particular that you wanted to take from her?" Eliza said to me, helping distract from what I had just felt. "Especially on your trip to Brighton?"

"Oh, umm," I said, trying to gather my thoughts and motioned over to the wardrobe against the wall. "That should have all my things. A suitcase, too. I don't have my items of clothing so just put it in there and I'll take it all to Brighton with me."

"Are you sure?" Eliza said, going to the wardrobe and opening up to be face with the little amount of clothing that I had. "I see your point."

Benedict was the last to move from the door into the bedroom, taking his time in doing so. He wanted to give me space while also desiring to be connected with me at all times…even if it was just through his fingers touching my skin.

When he did manage to come into the room, he knelt down beside me and waited for me to move. He was giving me my space, which I appreciated. I waited until Eliza had finished packing all of my things and took my suitcase out of the bedroom and into the lounge room -- giving Benedict and I the brief moments of privacy we needed in this environment.

"So, this is were everything happened…" he started, unsure if he was taking the right path. When I said nothing in return, he continued. "You are a very brave individual, you know that?"

"Thanks," I replied, the only response that I could think of in that moment.

"Can I…try something?" he asked me, his fingers reaching up to my battered face.

I looked to him when he touched me, the contact sending all my nerves into action. Neither of us said a single word as he hovered closer to me, inch by inch. HIs long, gangly fingers didn't move from their initial position as nose tilting to one side as his eyes firmly lay upon my lips.

His breath was short, sharp, as if he was trying to control his welling feelings that were starting to build up against the wall he had created within himself. I felt my mouth slip open slightly, feeling his sharp breaths flow into me like a warm wind on a hot summers day and my temperature was constantly rising.

My body began to unconsciously lean closer and closer to him so that we were only millimetres apart. I glanced up to his eyes and saw they were smiling, vividly, as they searched my features. When he noticed me looking, our eyes locked and never let go.

I felt his fingers shift for a firmer grip behind my head, tugging at my hair in attempts to control himself. I could see that he was loosing the battle with himself and fast. His free hand gripped the bed beside us, the sheets scrunching up even further in his fist.

He bared his teeth like he was going into battle, a soft yet angry groan escaped through those lips of his. Benedict's eyes showed his painful desire that he wanted to show me but wouldn't let himself get out of check. I assumed he was thinking about what Martin had repeatedly told him about being to forward but in a time like this, he could be nothing but forward.

"What are you so afraid of," I breathed, letting my hands grip his hips to keep us steady on our knees.

"Hurting you," Benedict replied through his teeth. There were so many emotions that he was sending off right now I was starting to get confused.

"How could you, out of all people, hurt me?" I said, leaning in so that our heads rested against each others. He was slightly blurry and out of focus but what I cold see was the sparkling sea-green eyes that stood out upon his features.

"You've been through so much, I--" he started but I cut him off before he could fully respond.

Our lips collided like an asteroid crashing into the earth, a force so strong that nothing could break us apart. I closed my eyes as I kissed him, putting every part of me into the action.

My lips took total control, his bottom lip captured between his as I pulled at his succulent lips. I felt all the air that I had taken in while we spoken disappear and his fingers intwined in my hair pulling me closer.

I could feel Benedict start to move against me, his firm body colliding with mine as his fingers sunk deeper into my skin and trying to immerse as much of himself into me as he could.

I was almost unaware of his lips pressing firmly against mine, his playful tongue dancing across my mouth and poking holes through to my teeth. Before I could catch myself, I was tugging at his shirt and running my hands firmly across his test.

He let out a soft moan as I felt his fingers run up the back of my t-shirt and along the scars that James had inflicted. I'm pretty sure that once he had felt the pain that I had received before, it was the reason why he pulled away as quickly as he did.

Benedict sat down upon his knees, breathing heavily and slight sweat across his brow. There were a few of his buttons undone on his shirt that I must have accomplished while we were so connected.

I let my hands fall into my lap, watching them shake from something else completely -- utter desire. I slowly looked up to him, saying, "Don't ever leave me."