Kerosine and Desire
Cancer Who?
I stare at Ricky, my jaw dropped. I never expected him to say that.
He's had two girlfriends. One lasted about six months, the other two years. But is was the girls who broke up with him. The six monther was Annalise; an old friend of mine. The two yearer was Tayla; we were never friends at all. She hated me, for some unknoen reason; but I wasn't too fond of her, either.
"What about Tayla? Didn't you love her?" I ask, confused.
"No. That's why she dumped me. Because I couldn't say 'I love you' and mean it," he explains to me.
"How could you even say 'I love you' when you didn't mean it," I ask, trying to figure this out.
"I couldn't say it to her. She'd always say it to me, but I would never say it back to her. I'd just smile and nod my head." he tells me. This is all new news to me. He didn't tell me this after their break-up.
"Ah, I understand. I wouldn't be able to say it, either. It means too much to waste by saying it without feeling it. Love is too strong to be taken advantage of," I ramble, not really realizing it.
"That's how I feel about it, as well." Ricky agrees.
Should I tell him? I ask myself. If I do, this could be our last REAL conversation. Do I want him to know about me having cancer? I push the thoughts away.
"So, where are we heading to," I ask, looking out the windsheild, this dirst road so unfamiliar to me.
"Crazy," he shrugs, smiling at me.
I give him my puppy dog face, and say, "Please? For me?"
Ricky chuckles, and says, "An adventure. We're going on an adventure."
"An adventure?" I ask.
"Yeah."
"Really? An adventure? And why is that," I ask, looking at him, an ebrow raised.
"Because..." he trails off.
"Because you don't even know where we are or where we're going. Right?" I say, smiling, knowing that I am right.
Ricky smiles as well.
"Damn. You're good." He pauses. "You should join the FBI."
This makes me laugh. "I don't think they except minors." I tell him through giggles.
"Well, you should be an exception," Ricky says with a smile.
I smile as well, while saying, "And why should I be?"
"Why SHOULDN'T you be?" he retorts.
"Touche." I reply.
The car is then filled with silence, except for the song on the radio. It's 'Drunk On You' by Luke Bryan; another one of my favorites. It's just starting. Good.
I start singing along to it. This time I sing it to Ricky; serenading him. He just laughs at my silliness.
He looks alittle distant now. I don't know why. Just something in his eyes doesn't seem right; something's wrong.
But what?
The song ends and instantly a Taylor Swift one begins. It's 'You Belong With Me'.
I don't stop serenading Ricky. His grin grows wider with every word I say and every dance move I randomly make. We're having so much fun. We always do!
It's when I'm with him, my best friend, that I forget that I even have cancer.
He's had two girlfriends. One lasted about six months, the other two years. But is was the girls who broke up with him. The six monther was Annalise; an old friend of mine. The two yearer was Tayla; we were never friends at all. She hated me, for some unknoen reason; but I wasn't too fond of her, either.
"What about Tayla? Didn't you love her?" I ask, confused.
"No. That's why she dumped me. Because I couldn't say 'I love you' and mean it," he explains to me.
"How could you even say 'I love you' when you didn't mean it," I ask, trying to figure this out.
"I couldn't say it to her. She'd always say it to me, but I would never say it back to her. I'd just smile and nod my head." he tells me. This is all new news to me. He didn't tell me this after their break-up.
"Ah, I understand. I wouldn't be able to say it, either. It means too much to waste by saying it without feeling it. Love is too strong to be taken advantage of," I ramble, not really realizing it.
"That's how I feel about it, as well." Ricky agrees.
Should I tell him? I ask myself. If I do, this could be our last REAL conversation. Do I want him to know about me having cancer? I push the thoughts away.
"So, where are we heading to," I ask, looking out the windsheild, this dirst road so unfamiliar to me.
"Crazy," he shrugs, smiling at me.
I give him my puppy dog face, and say, "Please? For me?"
Ricky chuckles, and says, "An adventure. We're going on an adventure."
"An adventure?" I ask.
"Yeah."
"Really? An adventure? And why is that," I ask, looking at him, an ebrow raised.
"Because..." he trails off.
"Because you don't even know where we are or where we're going. Right?" I say, smiling, knowing that I am right.
Ricky smiles as well.
"Damn. You're good." He pauses. "You should join the FBI."
This makes me laugh. "I don't think they except minors." I tell him through giggles.
"Well, you should be an exception," Ricky says with a smile.
I smile as well, while saying, "And why should I be?"
"Why SHOULDN'T you be?" he retorts.
"Touche." I reply.
The car is then filled with silence, except for the song on the radio. It's 'Drunk On You' by Luke Bryan; another one of my favorites. It's just starting. Good.
I start singing along to it. This time I sing it to Ricky; serenading him. He just laughs at my silliness.
He looks alittle distant now. I don't know why. Just something in his eyes doesn't seem right; something's wrong.
But what?
The song ends and instantly a Taylor Swift one begins. It's 'You Belong With Me'.
I don't stop serenading Ricky. His grin grows wider with every word I say and every dance move I randomly make. We're having so much fun. We always do!
It's when I'm with him, my best friend, that I forget that I even have cancer.