Save You Tonight

In slight disbelief, I stared at what was taking place beside me. It was our first night at the resort in Hawaii on the northern part of the island of Maui and it was unexpectedly more comfortable than I ever imagined this night to be.

After confessing to Harry that I pretty much wanted to jump his bones, there was a long period of time where feverish snogging took place in his bedroom. The two of us went further than we had ever been together, but we came to the conclusion that it was not the right time for such an event to take place. Although I wanted to, I knew I wasn’t ready and being the ladies man he continually claimed to be, he made me feel better about it by finding the humor in the situation. When I spent the evening with his friends and then innocently woke up the next morning to see his disheveled hair clinging to the pillow and his bare chest rising and falling with each breath, I instantly agreed to going on the trip with him.

As our holiday grew closer, the more frequent their radio interviews got and the less time I got to spend with him. I knew it was only a small taste for what life would be like with him on tour and me back in London, but I kept my composure and reminded myself that any life with Harry was better than my previous life. This was especially apparent in the friends I had made.

I realized how incredibly cliché it was to become close friends with my boyfriend’s best friend’s girlfriend, but my friendship with Eleanor seemed to be a genuine one. I never felt like she was just being my mate due to my relationship with Harry, but because we genuinely got on well. In addition to that, it was nice to be able to tell her my feelings about the fame that came with being a girlfriend of one of the boys; she could relate to my unease.

Besides El, there was Lou Teasdale, their stylist. Lou oozed coolness. Her hair and makeup were always flawless and the way she dressed was so fashionable. I envied the way she was so effortlessly nice to everyone she encountered, making our close friendship happen so easily. Knowing that Harry could tell her everything, I felt that I could confide in her with whatever. The main thing was that I didn’t want to come across as a clingy girlfriend. Being new to the whole significant other thing, Lou helped me reach out to others and network friends. She sensed my tentative nature in making acquaintances and I was almost certain she knew that without other people, I’d be lost once she and the boys were off on tour.

Being the generous person that he was, Harry offered to bring Lou, her boyfriend Tom, and their daughter Lux on our Hawaii trip. They stayed in a suite a few doors down from us on the top floor, making Harry joke that Lou was our chaperon for the trip. But on the first night, being Lux’s favorite person other than the two who conceived her, my boyfriend suggested that the parents of the toddler should take advantage of his premier nanny services.

The scene before me was priceless as Harry intently watched “How to Train Your Dragon” with a sleeping Lux wrapped in his arms. He laughed quietly at one of the main character’s many one-liners, his chest moving up and down quickly, causing the sleeping baby to open her eyes and let out an unpleasant noise. Without even a blink, Harry began to sing to the small girl, her big blue eyes peering up at him and all tears and wails ceasing. She reached her small hands up to his face, grabbing at his cheeks and making him giggle.

Being a person who never wanted kids, I surprisingly found myself imagining that the three of us were a family. And with an overwhelming surge of emotion, I realized that this moment was the closest resemblance to a family I had experienced in years. As the moments with Lux passed, I began to realize that I did want children, but that I had convinced myself that it would never be possible. I had never in my dark, lonely, fantasy-filled days indulged in that particular one because I had a certainty that it wouldn’t happen.

Images of Harry and I walking through a park with a little girl started to race through my mind. I felt uncomfortable thinking such things about someone I had only been in a relationship with for a short time, but I could clearly see us in a multitude of unoriginal situations. I could see us teaching her to ride a pony, how to ride a bike… how to swim.

Then it all came crashing back to reality. I may have been able to keep my secret this long, but it was only a matter of time before Harry would find out and reject me. Raising a child with my powers was just a ridiculous idea that I couldn’t wrap my head around. I was a freak, not motherly material. I was not fit to bear the most sacred of roles in nature.

My eyes welled up, causing me to make my way to the bathroom before Harry could catch me weeping. How was it that the curly-haired boy who came across so carefree, dim-witted, and highly immature was making me feel all these complex emotions? Unbeknownst to himself, he was making me face my inner flaws that I had spent so long containing and suppressing.

There was a soft knock at the door to the bathroom. As I wiped the tears underneath my eyes and sniffled loudly, I opened it to find Harry with a concerned look on his face. The silence that followed was so true that I could only hear the people in the suite next to ours. I realized too late that I should have shape shifted my tears and blotchy red patches on my skin away, but he didn’t seem to care as he spread his arms and pulled me in for a hug.

“Is there something you need to talk about?” he asked gently, stroking my hair and offering up a small smile.

“No, no. I just… I’m just thinking too much. I think I need some sleep. Go get back to Lux,” I told him quietly, kissing him on the cheek and heading for our bedroom.

I had no need for the light as I changed into my pajamas. Even in the darkness, the room was spectacular. The high ceilings, the aqua colored walls with intricate crown molding. The king sized bed was the centerpiece of the room with its great, white fluffy comforter and an abundance of perfectly placed pillows in every shade of the same aqua hue. There was a gigantic plasma television on the wall across from the bed and beautifully built dressers to accessorize the room with the essentials.

The large window in the room acted as one of the walls, creating a breathtaking view of the beach and the ocean. The full moon reflected brightly off the vast water that beckoned me. I could feel my palms tingle from the presence of such a large body of water in such close proximity to me.

As I crawled into the blue-toned marshmallow, I melted into the high-dollar mattress that eased all of my muscles. I stared at the crown molding again, pondering over my powers. The ocean whispered to me, calling me toward it, but I knew I couldn’t manipulate the water around so many people. After all, it was my secret.

But I knew that eventually, if I ever wanted even a chance of having that blissful family feeling again, that secret would have to come out.