Save You Tonight

The crystal clear water rolled onto the white sand, washing it off my sunkissed, pink-polished toes. My black rainbow flip-flops hung carelessly from my fingers and I let out a sigh of happiness as I turned my neck upward and let the rays of sunshine soak into my face.

“How are things going with you and Harry?” Lou inquired, elbowing me softly and turned her Rayban donned eyes onto me.

I blushed at her, trying to put how I felt about him into words. Settling for something simple, I quietly said, “He’s amazing.”

“He’s a wonderful kid. You're lucky to have him.”

Over the span of a few days on the beautiful island of Maui, we passed the time by whale watching, volcano observing, beach bumming, and eating exquisite meals. Harry kept me busy with plenty of activities, but there was that one activity that seemed to be looming over the two of us whenever we were alone.

Each night, Lou, Tom, and Lux would make their way into their own room and Harry would shut the door behind us, smiling softly and wrapping his arms around me. It was the same process every night; the two of us would kiss each other lovingly, but it never went further. I would crawl in the over-sized bed and he would embrace me and the next thing I knew, we’d be waking up the next morning.

His patience was encouraging, but I still felt like there was something missing between us. As I walked with Lou, hearing the conversations between by passers that the normal person would never hear made me come to a conclusion. Harry would have to know everything about me for me to feel comfortable enough to take the next step.

“Can I tell you something, Lou?” I asked with my voice wavering, unsure of talking to her about such a personal matter.

“Anything!” she insisted, running her long, skinny fingers through her sun bleached blonde locks. Her warm smile made me slightly more confident, but I still found myself stuttering.

“How do I go about… well-” I began, quickly getting cut off.

“Shagging Harry?” Lou asked, a knowing grin on her lips.

“Well, yeah,” I breathed out, relieved to know I didn’t have to say it.

“Stay in tonight and order some room service. Get the candles out and just go with it.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond to her advice. She put her arm around my shoulder and pulled me into a half hug as we walked in the sand. “I feel like something is missing, though.”

Lou took this into consideration, pondering for a moment. “Talk to him. That boy will listen to anything you have ta say, babe. He already hangs on each word you say. I think you’ll work it out and then have a good time.”

“But I’m worried, you know, that…” I trailed off, unsure of how to pinpoint what exactly I was worried about.

“You’ll be fine, sweetie.”

As we walked back to where Lux was playing in the shallow surf with Harry, he looked up from the toddler and haphazardly wiped his sopping locks from his forehead. Shooting me a heartbreaking grin, I questioned what made me so nervous about taking our relationship to the next level. Maybe it was just that; maybe once we went further, there would be no turning back. I knew that I would become even more irrevocably infatuated with him than ever and I would always be attached to him in some way.

I lowered my body so that I was sitting in the water with Lux and Harry. My body ached to move the water around in ways that I hadn’t practiced in quite some time, but I fought the urge. “Look what we found,” he announced proudly and slightly cautiously, motioning at the little blonde girl’s hand. There, in the soft, pale skin of the tiny palm, was a large shark tooth. Harry swiftly took the item out of Lux’s possession, explaining to me that he did not want it to puncture her delicate skin. Attempting not to melt at the way he was so conscientious of the girl, I tried to bring up tonight’s plans.

“So, I was thinking... we could maybe have a quiet dinner in the room tonight? Get some room service or something?” I asked, watching as he stared at the sand and slowly bit his lower lip. At a rate that a snail could have beat, his eyes made their way upward to my own.

“Uh-um-” he coughed, pressing his hand up to his chest, as if to knock out whatever was causing him the inability to breath properly. “Yeah, that would be great.”

We sat there with Lux in the sand as we stared at each other for a few moments. Hours later, our eyes were locked again as we sat across from one another at the small table next to the large window in our room. I pouted slightly at the ominous storm clouds over the ocean and the torrential downpour that was taking the place of the sunset.

“This week has been such a blast,” I told him before placing a mint in my mouth.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do without you on tour,” Harry said woefully, placing his hand on mine atop the table.

We sat in comfortable silence, the two of us wondering how we were going to cope without the constant presence of the other. I never imagined months ago that I would have been so attached to another person. It seemed impossible to be capable of such feelings with such a lifestyle, but I thanked whatever force made James decide to interfere with me in the alley that night.

“You know, there’s something sexy about the rain,” he whispered with a smirk, getting up and opening the sliding glass door that led to the terrace. He motioned for me to follow him as he got drenched. I impulsively ran out into the rain with him, feeling every bit of my skin tingle with the sensation of water all over me. He pulled me close, his lips meeting mine and making me relax into a slightly delirious state, making even the need to control the water fall to the wayside.

He pulled me back inside as our kissing became more frenzied. His hands started at my lower back, but dangerously made their way lower, making me roll my hips into his. He let out a moan as I placed a hand on his chest and the other in his soaked hair, pushing my body closer into his chest. With a sudden realization and hollow feeling, I could hear and feel his heart beating wildly. To go any further, I would have to tell him who I really was. I couldn’t do this anymore until the air was completely clear. I pulled back, sucking in a deep breath.

“Wait,” I squeaked out, watching his expression turn to one of utter frustration.

“What?” he demanded hotly, his brows bunching up and his eyes heated.

“Harry, I need to tell you something,” I said, my nerves intensifying and my insides turning into mush. This was the moment of truth.

“Is there something wrong with me?” he yelled, looking hurt at yet another one of my rejections in a moment like this.

“No! No, there is nothing wrong with you. I…” I took another gasping breath, attempting to not break down in tears. “I haven’t been completely honest with you.”