Under a Paper Moon

[Simon’s POV]

I leant back against the sofa as we waited for Gus to return with shot glasses. He was taking longer than normal, probably trying to find five. There was normally only just the four of us. Yeah speaking of, ever since we met Fraser at that gig he’s been hanging around us quite a bit – not that I’m complaining really, he’s really funny and cute…and quiet and happy and adorable… Shut up Si you’re gonna give yourself a headache.

“Sorry,” Gustav chuckled as he came back into the room, trying to hold all five glasses in one hand – why not use both hands? Idiot. He sat down in the empty space beside Fraser, probably a little too close for my liking… I felt a pang of jealousy in my gut as Fraser smiled up at him, leaning over so he could push Gustav’s shoulder playfully. Yeah I’m jealous because I have a crush on Fraser, what of it?

“Never have I ever…” Ben started off, not even waiting until Gustav had poured us all out a shot glass. “Had sex with a guy,”

“That’s a bit sudden!” Gustav chuckled, cheeks blazing as he took a shot. Everyone did apart from me. Gus and John have slept with guys?! …Are they even gay? I don’t think so…maybe they were drunk or something.

“Goody-two-shoes-Simon,” Ben stuck out his tongue at me, causing me to hit him round the head. Shut up Ben. He’s my bestest friend of all time ever, I’m allowed to shit him, shh. Gustav filled their shot glasses again as we moved on.

“Never have I ever…” John bit his lip as he tried to think, before exchanging a glance with Fraser. “Kept a secret from my friends.”

YES YOU HAVE! I nearly screamed at him before I downed my shot. He’s kept the whole ‘Ben and I are actually screwing’ from us! Hmph. I looked up at Gustav who was glaring daggers at John, oh dear what’s going on there.

“You okay?” I asked Gustav, snapping him out of his glare. He just looked at me and nodded, filling everyone’s shot glasses once more. I wonder what that was about, Jesus Christ….

Fifteen minutes later, Ben was out of it. He couldn’t speak properly, he wasn’t even slurring! He just couldn’t form sentences, and his body was swaying slightly. John wrapped an arm around his shoulders to keep him steady. Those two are so gay for each other. Gaaaaaaay gay gay gay! Fraser was really tipsy, he kept giggling at the slightest of things and oh my god it was just the cutest thing ever. I think I might ask him out… not now, obviously… but… some time maybe. If I build up the courage, I’d probably chicken out of it and then hate myself for it.

John coughed loudly, looking over at Fraser again. Whaaat the fuck? I don’t know. Gustav sighed, shaking his head before taking Fraser’s hand. “Guys…” he bit his lip. My eyes were stuck on their linked hands, um! What?! “We need to tell you something.”

I bit my lip. Oh no…

Fraser looked between Ben and I, his body was visibly shaking. Is he scared or something?! No Fraser don’t be scared… “Me and Gus…are…well…” he took a deep breath, “we’re going out.”

It took me a minute to process it. They’re going out… Fraser is going out with one of my best friends… One of my best friends that is supposed to be straight and not into guys at all and he got there before I could and… I felt my heart drop, not even exaggerating; I tightened my jaw as I tried to blink back the tears stinging the backs of my eyes. In fact, my jaw would probably hit the floor if it wasn’t clenched tight. I heard Ben squeal beside me, “oh my god!” he grinned, “soooooooooo cute,”

They both looked at me expectantly, awaiting my reaction. Brave face, Simon, brave face… I took a deep breath and swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat, “that’s great, guys!” I grinned a fake smile, “I’m so happy for you!”

They both sighed with relief, they were probably expecting the worst from Ben and I. John apparently knew about it anyway – that wouldn’t really surprise me to be honest. I reached for the can of beer that I’d been carefully sipping on since we finished the game and brought it to my lips, not realising my hand had been shaking until I dropped it. Thankfully I managed to pick it up quick enough so not too much of it spilled onto Gustav’s carpet. No one noticed though, they were too wrapped up in their own pairs to care about me. That’s me alright, Simon Mitchell, ultimate third wheel.

I was pretty quiet for the rest of the night, watching my friends get wasted and make complete fools of themselves. Ben had actually passed out, Jesus Christ. John had moved him from the floor to the sofa and was now sitting with Ben’s head in his lap, playing with his hair. Fraser was sitting wrapped up in Gustav’s arms, a light blush on his cheeks; oh I wished it was me with my arms around him and not Gus… I am genuinely happy for them though, they clearly both really like each other.

I watched as Gustav smirked, whispering something into Fraser’s ear. Fraser’s eyes widened and his blush deepened as he looked up at his boyfriend, he smiled and nodded, standing to his feet and pulling Gustav up with him. “Guys we’re….gonna go to bed,” Gustav grinned before pulling Fraser to the stairs. Bed, yeah fucking right. I sighed, looking over at Ben and John, John was asleep now too, leaving just me… Oh tonight had been fun, hadn’t it? Ha.

Now that I was by myself though, I let the tears escape that I’d been holding back earlier. I let out a choked sob as I climbed to my feet, I couldn’t be in this house anymore. I think I’ll just… I’ll go home.

I broke off into a sprint towards the door, slamming it behind me, not even caring if it woke everyone up.

-

I looked at my watch as I neared my house, the tears had gotten worse, blurring my vision and making it hard to see. But I think it was midnight. That’s not late at all, jesus. I ran up to the front door, pulling it open and stepping inside. There was no hall in my house, so the door just opened straight into the living room – my mum was sitting there cross-legged on the sofa, her best friend sitting beside her, they were both laughing about something until I barged in. There was someone else sitting on the sofa opposite, but I didn’t bother looking at them.

“Simon, sweetie are you okay?!” my mum gasped as she saw me. I just shook my head, more tears falling onto my cheeks as I ran towards the stairs, up to my room.

I collapsed onto the bed, curling up into a ball as I hugged my pillow, the sobs coming faster as my body began to shake. Dammit Si, pull yourself together! Why are you crying over this guy anyway? Fuck sake.

I heard someone knock on the door, probably my mum. “Go away,” I mumbled into the pillow.

“No,” they huffed and opened the door, but it wasn’t my mum…unless my mum had somehow developed a manly voice in the last few minutes.