Status: Updating as soon as possibleee!
Under a Paper Moon
There's no such thing as accidental infidelity
"Simoooon..." Fraser moaned on the other side of the phone. I blinked. What? Was he joking or... why was he moaning Simon's name?! What!? Oh god I was right wasn't I? He's been cheating on me all along with him...and...and... no! No Gus you're getting ahead of yourself, they're probably just taking the piss out of me because I'd even asked that before. God. That's all it is... that's... yeah! Yeah that's all it is, it's fine, he loves you! He told you he did!
What if that's all he was doing though? What if he was just saying that to boost my confidence, make me feel better about myself so I didn't take a breakdown when he broke up with me? Oh god that's exactly what he's done. Oh god, oh no...
I shook my head, trying to rid myself of those thoughts as I felt a pang in my chest. Now I was either having a heart attack or it was something completely retarded like 'I was hurt about Fraser'. Jesus christ, Gus you're so pathetic! It's reasons like this he's with Simon and doesn't want to be with you; shut up! It's nothing like that! It's just...he... I bit my lip, "Fraser babe, stop it that's n-not funny," I stuttered, "p-please."
"Mm, got to go, um, do stuff with Si... bye!" he said in between moans moments before the line went dead, the dial tone ringing out in my ear. I could feel my hand trembling, the phone slowly sliding out of it. No...no he didn't... no... he's drunk and... he is cheating on you! That's...oh god no... You're such a fucking idiot, Gustav! Why did you ever think someone would want to go out with you at all? No one does, you're ugly, boring, awkward. Fraser...he's not. He's the opposite, why would he want to go out with someone like you? He wouldn't!
Why couldn't you have just let him be happy? He only asked you out because he felt bad... I bet John asked him to go out with you because he felt bad that you didn't have anyone! That's exactly what he's done! Fraser never loved you, it was a lie the whole time.
"Gus? Gus are you okay?" I heard someone ask, making me snap my head up to look at the door. Phil was standing there, a worried expression as he watched me. It was then I realised that I'd been crying. I looked my cousin in the eye, I couldn't lie to him! No, I couldn't, so I just shook my head simply, letting more tears fall from my eyes as I dropped the phone onto my bed.
A quiet gasp escaped my cousin's lips as he saw me, before he rushed over to sit beside me. "Gustav what's wrong?! What happened?" his eyes were wide as he pulled me into his arms.
I snuggled into his chest, letting out a sob. I couldn't lie to him, but I didn't know if I could tell him what was wrong either. What if he didn't approve of me being gay? Sure I knew he had two guy-friends who were in a relationship, but still, what if he didn't approve of mine? Was I even still in a relationship? I don't even know, I don't know if I can be knowing that he didn't actually give two shits about me. I don't want to break up with him, I'd completely fallen for him (not to sound cheesy as fuck or anything) but he was just stringing me along... I wonder how long him and Simon had been together. Were they together before we started going out? After? I don't even want to know.
"I-I-" I sniffed, I didn't even know I was crying that much, "I guess...I..um... my b-boyfriend cheated on me. And I don't know h-how long he has been. Th-they're probably f-fucking right now!" I choked on the end of my sentence, another sob tearing through my lips.
Phil paused for a few moments before answering, "oh..." he whispered, tightening his arms around me, "oh Gustav... he's a twat, whoever he is. He doesn't deserve you quite obviously."
I didn't even bother answering him; Fraser wasn't a twat, he was sweet and kind and hilarious and adorable and perfect and I was well and truly in love with him. I didn't deserve him, Simon does though. Simon's just like him, I'm not...I...I'm-
Phil sighed, dragging me from my almost-self-loathing thoughts, "the guys are coming over in a few, why don't you come hang about with us? Get your mind off things."
"'the guys'?" I bit my lip, were they the people he was always rambling about on the phone and stuff? They sounded awesome, I hoped it was them.
He beamed, "yup! Aled, Shay, Iain and Joel. They're great! You'll love them, I swear."
Even if I didn't, it'd be a good distraction....right? Right. Yeah. I'll do that. Okay....
What if that's all he was doing though? What if he was just saying that to boost my confidence, make me feel better about myself so I didn't take a breakdown when he broke up with me? Oh god that's exactly what he's done. Oh god, oh no...
I shook my head, trying to rid myself of those thoughts as I felt a pang in my chest. Now I was either having a heart attack or it was something completely retarded like 'I was hurt about Fraser'. Jesus christ, Gus you're so pathetic! It's reasons like this he's with Simon and doesn't want to be with you; shut up! It's nothing like that! It's just...he... I bit my lip, "Fraser babe, stop it that's n-not funny," I stuttered, "p-please."
"Mm, got to go, um, do stuff with Si... bye!" he said in between moans moments before the line went dead, the dial tone ringing out in my ear. I could feel my hand trembling, the phone slowly sliding out of it. No...no he didn't... no... he's drunk and... he is cheating on you! That's...oh god no... You're such a fucking idiot, Gustav! Why did you ever think someone would want to go out with you at all? No one does, you're ugly, boring, awkward. Fraser...he's not. He's the opposite, why would he want to go out with someone like you? He wouldn't!
Why couldn't you have just let him be happy? He only asked you out because he felt bad... I bet John asked him to go out with you because he felt bad that you didn't have anyone! That's exactly what he's done! Fraser never loved you, it was a lie the whole time.
"Gus? Gus are you okay?" I heard someone ask, making me snap my head up to look at the door. Phil was standing there, a worried expression as he watched me. It was then I realised that I'd been crying. I looked my cousin in the eye, I couldn't lie to him! No, I couldn't, so I just shook my head simply, letting more tears fall from my eyes as I dropped the phone onto my bed.
A quiet gasp escaped my cousin's lips as he saw me, before he rushed over to sit beside me. "Gustav what's wrong?! What happened?" his eyes were wide as he pulled me into his arms.
I snuggled into his chest, letting out a sob. I couldn't lie to him, but I didn't know if I could tell him what was wrong either. What if he didn't approve of me being gay? Sure I knew he had two guy-friends who were in a relationship, but still, what if he didn't approve of mine? Was I even still in a relationship? I don't even know, I don't know if I can be knowing that he didn't actually give two shits about me. I don't want to break up with him, I'd completely fallen for him (not to sound cheesy as fuck or anything) but he was just stringing me along... I wonder how long him and Simon had been together. Were they together before we started going out? After? I don't even want to know.
"I-I-" I sniffed, I didn't even know I was crying that much, "I guess...I..um... my b-boyfriend cheated on me. And I don't know h-how long he has been. Th-they're probably f-fucking right now!" I choked on the end of my sentence, another sob tearing through my lips.
Phil paused for a few moments before answering, "oh..." he whispered, tightening his arms around me, "oh Gustav... he's a twat, whoever he is. He doesn't deserve you quite obviously."
I didn't even bother answering him; Fraser wasn't a twat, he was sweet and kind and hilarious and adorable and perfect and I was well and truly in love with him. I didn't deserve him, Simon does though. Simon's just like him, I'm not...I...I'm-
Phil sighed, dragging me from my almost-self-loathing thoughts, "the guys are coming over in a few, why don't you come hang about with us? Get your mind off things."
"'the guys'?" I bit my lip, were they the people he was always rambling about on the phone and stuff? They sounded awesome, I hoped it was them.
He beamed, "yup! Aled, Shay, Iain and Joel. They're great! You'll love them, I swear."
Even if I didn't, it'd be a good distraction....right? Right. Yeah. I'll do that. Okay....
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