Dark Side

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The girl with the ratted hair that dripped wet from the sweat and water laid in the white bed exactly in the middle of the small, cold room. The tubes that attached themselves to her and forced their way into her stomach made her look sickly ill, but she really was. Her face was too pale to be anywhere near normal. The fact that she looked lifeless could kill you if you stood there and watched as the doctors rushed around the bed, pumping blood into her system while her very own dripped out from her skinny wrists. The pressure being added to her gashes didn't seem like enough in the brown eyes of the girl's lover. The small girl looked too fragile, almost like a doll – not real. But she was real, living and breathing, almost.

The boy with the curls and the girl's brother stood helplessly outside the room, desperately trying to hold each other up, and almost failing miserably. The scene that unfolded, not many could take it, and the two boys in that scene were barely strong enough. In the room before them the doctors rushed around, trying to bring the life back into the girl. Nurses pumped air back into her lungs, thankfully a tracheotomy was not needed. The pads attached to her chest connected with the screen which barely beeped, but the group was determined. While the nurses continued to help her breathe, the doctor ordered sutures on her wrists since thankfully the bleeding had stopped. But in the end she had lost a lot of blood and her life depended on the donations. The color in her face still didn't return, and to the boys, she looked dead. But the curly haired one didn't want to think that.

The room was built so that the sound inside would be muffled from the outside, and with the struggling and crying from the boys, it was even harder. The heart monitor began to beep at an even rate, giving the nurses an “OK” to retrieve the tubes. This was a sign that she was starting to breathe on her own again. But just as the monitor began to work, the line went dead and sent everyone into a rush. From outside the room the boy heard crashing and looked up to find the whole room circle the bed, now fighting to keep her breathing again. One nurse had ripped the girl's shirt open, placing charging pads on her chest while another nurse put a breathing tube back into the girls lungs. The next thing the boy could understand was the word clear and then watch as the girl he loved fling lifelessly. If you looked at this scene from the outside, the boy with the curly hair lifelessly held onto his friend while gasping on their sobs. The boy cursed furiously as tears uncontrollably streamed down his face. He gasped for a breath as he began to fall to the floor. He yelled her name, begging her not to leave him. The other brother was speechless, of course he was in pain, just as much as his friend, but he could never show it like the other one. All he could do was cry and hold on tightly to his friend while he writhed in pain. After three times of charging, the monitor came back to life, and with a careful watch, the girl began to breathe on her own again.

“She's back,” The doctor announced. “She is stable for now, get those sutures done and take her to the ICU. We will deal with the psychiatrist evaluation when she wakes up. But as for now, she needs rest.” The doctor gave certain orders to the nurses before exiting the room. He walked out to find the two boys curled up on the ground, still crying. He carefully walked over and knelt down to the boys' level. “She is stable, boys. She will be placed in ICU and watched over the night. When she wakes up we will deal with the next step. But she is okay.” After more reassurance to the boys, the doctor walked them to the room where the girl would be put. Reality still had not settled into either one of the boy's heads, but as they sat in the chairs and waited, they were going to have to force themselves to understand what the hell just happened.

~

I wasn't sure if it was the beeping or the sniffling that woke me up but when I was finally conscious again it was all a foggy haze, and at first I didn't know where I was. My eyes squinted at the dim lighting in the room, the ceiling wasn't familiar and as I looked around with drowsy eyes, the whole room wasn't familiar. Everything except for the boy with the curly hair whose head rested on the bed I was on, his hands holding mine for dear life. I watched quietly as he stared down, occasionally wiping his eyes while he sniffled. His hair was pulled back in a head band and his white shirt looked wrinkled and over worn. I watched awhile longer at the boy that I loved as he struggled to keep it all in and suddenly I remembered. With instinct my eyes snapped at both of my wrists which were wrapped in gauze while an IV hooked to a blood back attached itself to my left hand.

I let out a dry sob and stared at my wrists, and then tears began to fall. Harry must have heard because instantly his head snapped up, his eyes widened and red from all the crying. His face was blotchy and worn out. He let out a sob and dove for a bone snapping hug.

“Fuck, Lana.” I chewed on my lip to hold back another sob as I slowly wrapped my arms around him, listening to his painful cries and please to never leave him. “You're fucking stupid Lana, do you know that?” He pulled back from the hug and kissed my cheeks, my forehead, my nose, and then my lips. “How..” He straightened himself up and dragged his hand through his hair as he looked down to hide his face. I shook my head slowly, “Lana you fucking scared the shit out of me, out of your brother. And your mum isn't even in town and we still haven't gotten a hold of her.”

“Harry, I -”

He shook his head as he wiped his eyes, “You just can't fucking do that to me, Lana. You can't leave me – especially like that. Do you... you don't understand what the fuck you put us all through. And to find you there... all that blood,” a sob escaped his mouth, he put his head on his heads which were grasping mine again. The sounds coming from his were foreign and extremely painful. I didn't think Harry was the type to cry this much, but the fact that I put him through this killed me. “I know what was said was horrible, and Louis has already put all the fans to shame with his tweets and his twitcam chat... but the fact that you looked at us all and ran off – and you didn't even hesitate... Lana you just can't... you can't.”

I looked down at out entwined hands and watched as Harry slowly hovered his fingers over my wrapped up wrists. “I'm sorry...”

Harry sighed and picked up my other arm, lining up my arms almost as if to compare them. “This was extremely stupid.” I nodded slowly, not daring to look up at him. “I thought you got rid of all your razors?”

A small sigh escaped my mouth, “I had one more, I actually forgot about it after the other ones were taken away.” I could feel the tension in the room as hair slowly put my arms down.

“But look at you now, Lana. You're going to have these as horrible reminders for -”

“For what, Harry? For not being able to handle your crazy fucking fans that do nothing but bullying your loved ones? It doesn't really phase me because I have more reminders, Harry. All over my damn body; and I may not remember what each scar is from, and yeah these ones will be reminders, but I didn't plan to exactly be saved this time.” I instantly regretted my choice of words, biting my lip and closing my eyes as if that would help me at all.

I struggled to sit up, hissing at the pain in my wrists, Harry's head snapped up and stopped me from moving. “Harry, I should not have said that, I'm so sorry,” I managed to say through a sob as I shook my head and held onto his arms. “I'm just sorry.” But it was true, I was sorry, but I had nothing else to say about what happened. You can do nothing but apologize for that, and even though it would never be enough that was all that I could say. “I love you Harry, I'm sorry -”

“I know, Lana, I know.” Harry sighed and kissed my temple. “I'm going to get Liam and the doctor.” I watched as Harry hesitantly left the room, and suddenly I felt extremely alone and I didn't like it. I felt a weird pang in my chest as I waited for the others. But the pang only got worse when I saw that familiar face of my brother, his eyes swollen and red, tears still falling down his cheeks. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, and it was my fault.

Liam didn't hesitate as he walked over to me, he practically ran and wrapped me in his arms. I winced at the pain but I ignored it; I wasn't going to complain for something stupid that I did. “Lana. You fucking idiot.”

“I know,” I whispered, wiping tears off my cheeks. Liam pulled back but didn't let me go.

“Lana,” Liam slowly said. “We are going to talk about this later but right now, there is more that we need to do.” I didn't quite understand. He sighed and squeezed my hand gently. As soon as he said that the doctor, a tall middle-aged man walked in, his face content and calm, like he'd dealt with suicidal patients before.

“Hello Lana, I'm Dr. Brown.” I nodded my head and stayed wary as he flipped through his clipboard. “Are you on any medications, Lana?”

“Yes,”

He nodded, “Are they not as effective?”

I shook my head and grabbed Harry's hand, ignoring the sting in my wrist. “They work fine.”

“Can you tell me why you tried to kill yourself, Lana?”

I held back a gasp, the familiarity in that statement brought me back to the last time I had been brought to the hospital. “It was nothing. I was just being stupid.”

His brown eyes looked right through me and I knew it. Checking his papers again, he sighed. “Well, I have already talked to your brother and to the other lads you are around, and from all of them you are in danger of yourself. You're going to be put on suicide watch and put through therapy at Mercy Behavior Center.”

“Wait,” My eyes began to snap back and forth with everyone in the room. “What do you mean? I don't -”

You're going to the loony bin, you idiot.

“We are putting you in the hospital for awhile, Lana.” Harry whispered to me. I instantly felt sick to my stomach as I shook my head and shoved both Harry and Liam away from me.

“Fuck you, I'm not crazy.”

Liam shook his head and tried to reach for me, but I shoved him away again. “We are not saying that, Lana. And you are not crazy, we know. You just need to be taken care of where you aren't around things that you could use as a weapon against yourself.”

“So I'm fucking crazy, that is what you're saying. You're sending me so a fucking loony bin, yeah?” I felt my heart rate start to speed up as my breathing began to stutter. Harry chewed his lip and reached for me and as I tried to slap him away he didn't give up. I began to heave, feeling helpless and hopeless. “I'm not fucking crazy, you can't send me there.” I looked into Harry's green eyes and begged him, “Harry you can't let this happen. I won't do it anymore, I promise.”

Harry looked in pain, he had to look away. “Lana, we aren't doing this to torture we are doing this to help you.” Again I shook my head and tried to hold back the crying that had already began. Harry grabbed onto me as I tried to shove everyone away. I now did want to be alone because I felt betrayed, yes it was selfish for what I did but I couldn't handle this being added onto my list of shit that ruined my life. I don't know how long I sat there in the bed and cried, but as Liam and the doctor walked out of the room to talk about plans and arrangements, I sat wrapped in Harry's arms, crying for him to save me, help me, anything but take me there. But the crying soon exhausted me and the last thing that I remembered before passing out was Harry kissing the top of my head and whispering, ”I'm going to keep you safe, little bird. I love you, Lana.”