Dark Side

I didn't want to get up in the morning, I just wanted to sleep for a few more hours, or days, it wouldn't have mattered to me. But my wishes to indulge in that were interrupted by the knocks on my door, and the muffling behind that door from the voices of five boys. I yelled a muffled 'go away' and put my head under my pillow. Only seconds went by before a door opened and a large body came tumbling onto my bed.

“Liam!” I groaned, kicking towards him to get off my bed. “I'm trying to sleep.”

I heard chuckling from the door. “It's two in the afternoon, Lana. You need to get up, we're going out today and you're coming with!”

“No.” I unpleasantly stated.

“Yes,” Liam's voice was closer to me, and sooner than expected I flinched from Liam's arms wrapping around me and putting me over his shoulders.

“Oh my God, Liam, put me down, please!” I could feel the burning of my cuts rub through the material of my shirt and the pressure of Liam's shoulder diving into them. “Okay, okay, Liam, put me down and I'll go!” I was in pain, and I didn't quite like this type of pain. He quickly put me down, though and watched carefully as I got back up and headed to my bathroom. “I'll be done soon,” I grumbled as my arms yanked the door shut, only proving the nasty mood that I was now in.

As I stepped into the shower, I winced as the warm water slide through my cuts, cleaning them without much work. The stinging didn't last, but it was sure enough to wake me up. I rinsed slowly through my dark hair, cleaning every part of my body so I felt someone more rejuvenated. The warm water calmed me swiftly, the knots in my muscles loosened minutes at a time, giving my body more logic to feel a bit better. I was stressed, my arms, my legs, my stomach, it was all tightened, stressed from all of the hard work, the beatings I gave myself, per say. The cuts all over me were more than washed out, now, just soaked skin, slowly healing itself as time passed. After my shower, I got out and quickly dried myself, pulling on a pair of jeans, a nice shirt and my leather boots. I parted my hair and put my wool beanie on my head. The slightest make up was all that I needed, I'd grown lazy to making myself look somewhat decent – it'd never be enough anyways.

Making my way downstairs was easy, but seeing all of the boys stare at me like something was obviously wrong with me, killed every inch that I'd made redeemable of myself. I felt disgusting again, and wanting to run and hide sound like such a lovely idea right now.

“Okay,” I breathed out, “Where the hell are we going?” The boys smiled at me, now overly excited that I'd been ready for there outing to wherever in Wolverhampton.

Liam grabbed my hand and pulled me to his side, “We're going to the Carnival.”

~

I couldn't remember the last time that I'd been to the carnival, let alone, with my brother. I believe it was the last week that I would be in Wolverhampton before I'd move to the United States for college. It was him and I, just us, and I did have a great time. To be honest I wasn't in the mood to go today, or any other day, actually, I'd rather be home, sleeping, or something else that wasn't this. But I could tell the look in my brother's eyes that he wanted me to be here, and all that I could do was smile and act like everything was okay. For him, at the very least.

We all climbed into the car, one by one, and I found myself sitting in between Louis and Niall. Liam took the wheel and headed out of the driveway and onto the street. The car ride was full of laughter, loud obnoxious noises, and music. I found myself keeping quiet and just looking down at my hands. After awhile of doing this, I heard Liam call my name numerous times, and it took Harry to rub my arm to get me to trance out of my thoughts. I looked up to see the boys staring at me, my face getting quite flushed in the process.

“We're here,” He said slowly, never taking his eyes off of me. I nodded in response and hopped out after the others. Liam brushed up against me and put his arm around my shoulders as the other boys danced around and screamed in excitement like little children would do. “Are you alright?”

Looking up, I gave him a reassuring smile, “Yeah, Liam, I am, I'm just not in the mood for the carnival, I'm tired.” And it was true, I was tired, exhausted even, and I knew that was a side affect of my sicknesses, but I wished that it hadn't been, it showed too much weakness.

I heard Liam sigh before he squeezed my arms, “It's going to be okay, Lana, just try your best to have fun, like the last time that we went together.” I smiled at the memory, we did have a lot of fun, and I missed how we used to be, I missed that day so much.

“Okay,” Was my simple answer to him. I would act like I was okay, I couldn't let my secret get out, anyways. I would do my best to be as normal as I was allowed to be. I'd be myself again, at least around the others, and once alone, I could go back to trying to make myself feel better, if that were to ever happen, that is. I found myself leaping onto my brother's back, laughing at his groaning with surprise. “Guess which ride is here?” I smiled, partially excited for something in my life.

Liam gasped, looking to me and back at the ride that I was pointing at. “Flight X is here again this year!” He sounded so ecstatic and happy, and I could only grin at his reaction. The other boys were following behind us as we made out way to the ride. I looked behind to see the boys talking, laughing and pointing at all of the rides.

“What, haven't been to a carnival or something?” Grinning, I turned back to the boys. They each scoffed, shaking their heads.

“Of course we have, love,” Harry's smile made my heart stutter again, I didn't know what this was, but I liked it, and I didn't really want that to stop. I gave him a closed-mouth smiled and turned back towards the front so he couldn't see my blush. As soon as we got to the ride, I hopped down off of Liam's back and leaped up the steps to the ride. I found myself next to Liam and a stranger, we buckled ourselves in and braced ourselves for the ride. As the ride lifted us higher and higher, swinging us back and forth, the jumps in my stomach tensed each time, making me feel a little queasy. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, screaming with joy as an act to hide the pain. As the ride slowed down and soon ended, I could feel myself begin to relax again, and once I was back on the ground, I sighed.

“I've missed that ride” My smile became false once again, though in some manner, it was true, too. Within a few hours of riding rides and watching the boys eat – declining every time one of them offered, I was more exhausted then ever. Taking breaks from the rides, the boys decided to go play the games, and I was actually up for that. I grabbed some money out of my pocket and headed towards my favorites. The games were all illuminated with bright lights, loud noises and large prizes. I paid the carny three dollars for three duckies and picked three each.

“You've won a small prize. Another dollar and you can move up to a medium prize,” He said with a crooked smile. So I shrugged, handing him another dollar and picking up a ducky. I smiled, getting the lucky number and moving straight up to a large.

“I'll have the large blue dog, please,” I asked, the man unclasped the dog and handed him down to me. My smile didn't falter this time, I pet the dog, the soft material as its fur enlightened me. I contemplated playing again when a soft nudge made me turn. I looked up into the most beautiful sea blue eyes, ones that I could get lost in forever.

“I love the duckies game,” His accent was more prominent than mine, as well as deep and husky and it gave me chills. He was triggering, in a very good way; I felt a whole new feeling of warmth over throw my skin.

I nodded nervously, why would he be talking to me? “It's my favorite game,” I admitted with a sly smirk, cuddling my prize to my chest. He looked down at my dog and chuckled before reaching his hands to pet it.

“I think I'm going to give it a shot.” And he did, he got three lucky numbers and chose the same prize as me, but in the colour of purple. “Would you like to walk, and possibly find more games to play?” My voice was stuck in my throat, I couldn't speak. What was I supposed to say? I couldn't really say anything at the moment, and so I just nodded while plastering a small smile onto my pale lips.

As we walked, Harry talked about the most random things, some of those things which made me laugh – actually laugh. And it surprised me, a lot. I listened intently as he just went on about things, things about him, things about the band, and for once, I was sort of interested in something again.

“Oh, look!” Harry exclaimed, pointing to the balloon game on the other side of us. “Let's go!” His smile caught me in a trance, and so he had to pull me over with him.

“Oh, Harry, I have never been good at this game, I can never make it,” I admitted with a chuckle.

Paying for three darts, he handed one to me, “Now watch,” He closed one eye and targeted his balloon; in his first shot, he hit the pink balloon.

“H-how?” I gulped, I didn't want to make a fool out of myself in front of him, this wouldn't end well, I knew it.

“Here's how,” He began and he went behind me, stepping closer, inching admirably closer. He left hand went on my left hip while his other hand held my hand with the dart. “Now target a balloon,”

“The purple one,” I answered quickly.

“Okay,” He whispered into my ear. The sharp chills went up and down my spine, giving me immense goosebumps. “Now look at that balloon, don't take your eyes off of it. Pull back and forth, and when you're ready to throw it, throw your hand straight forward. Got it?” I slowly nodded, still unable to correctly respond. But I did as he said, I threw the dart, keeping my arm straight, and POP!. I hit the balloon.

“Oh my God!” A gasp escaped my lips. I turned around to Louis who was also smiling. Without hesitation I jumped into his arms and laughed while we hugged. “I – I did it! Harry, you're amazing!” I laughed again as I hopped to my feet.

He shook his head with a smirk, “That was all you, Lana.” He took the rest of the darts and aimed them all perfectly.

The carny looked at him with a small smile, “Alright, what'll it be?”

Harry looked over at me and smiled, “What should I get, Lana.” I obviously pointed out the white fluffy bear with the hear on its stomach. Harry chose that one, and as we walked away, he handed it to me. “This is for you.”

I was taken back, “What?” He pushed it towards me further.

“I won this for you, Lana, take it,” He chuckled and he laid it into my arms. I couldn't help but smile, the butterflies began to form rapidly into my empty stomach. I liked this, the feeling, but it was right. I knew that he was just being nice, and soon that aching feeling in my stomach began to buzz.

“Thank you,” I gave a false smile and took the bear into my arms. As soon as we played a few more games, not having much luck with those, we called it quits and met up with the boys, who were just as exhausted as we were. We agreed that it was a great night, but that it was time to go. So we all climbed into the car and said our goodbyes to the carnival, now talking in hushed tones of how much we each fancied the place and what was the best. The boys began to make a little tease at the prizes that Harry and I had, and how the bear was won by him. I ignored the overwhelming feelings it brought me and just looked out the window into the darkness, acting as if I was falling asleep. That soon did happen, and I don't remember who carried me into my bedroom that night.