Dark Side

The awkwardness from three days ago set me off just only a tad; Harry and I were still trying to get back on normal talking terms, but anytime we'd speak, the day of us running into each other and falling to the floor, me on top of him, in a towel, would trigger my mind, and all I could do was think of how he had looked at me. It was like we shared a brief moment of something that I could not identify, but it was a good thing, I believed. I could see the look in his eyes, once he'd seen my hip, and my heart had stopped, I was thinking this was the end of everything. I didn't like how his eyes looked, then; like he was in just as much pain as Liam was. And it killed me to have to lie to him as well.

But thankfully for me, the boys were out today, so I had the whole house to myself. I felt like doing many things; cleaning, reading, sleeping, but for some reason, I was feeling more active; the pool was calling my name. I grabbed my swim suit and tossed it on, and then grabbed a black shirt of Liam's, and a pair of his swim trunks, all of it large enough to hide everything. After grabbing a towel, I headed out to the back where I lay my towel down on the lawn chair and walked over to the pool. We had a fairly large pool, granted, we had a large house, which included the in-ground pool. It was shaped almost like a figure 8 like the ones skaters in the skating rinks make, minus the lines in between.

Taking a deep breath, I put my arms above my head and dove in. The fresh cold water sent shivers up my spine, but it felt so right. The calmness that it brought me as I swam around shut down my nerves, giving me a chance to be free if only for a little while.

As I moved through the water, I could feel it hitting against the scars, but it wasn’t bothering me. Here in the water I was safe. Nothing could get to me. Letting myself fully relax, I turned over onto my back and began to drift through the water as thoughts ran full speed through my mind. My mother, Liam, and now Harry knew what I was doing to myself, the hell that I constantly went through and what I did to myself just so I could feel. It wasn’t right. I closed my eyes and continued to float through the water; I liked this. I felt weightless, like I didn’t have a care in the world once I’d stepped into the water. Maybe this is what being dead would feel like.

No, Lana. Focus.

To stop my current train of thought, I dove under the water once more, keeping my eyes open so I wouldn’t smack into the side of the pool as I swam. Then a thought hit me. I was already dead, at least that’s how it felt. Hurting myself was the only thing that made me feel, granted that it only brought numbness, but that was better than nothing wasn’t it? At least I felt something. But there was also something, well someone, else that made me feel something. Harry. We had shared something in that hallway, and the look in his eyes when he saw my scars… It almost seemed like he cared, but could I let him get tangled up in my life? I surfaced, gasping for air, then wiped the water out of my eyes.

No, it wouldn’t be fair to let him come into my twisted life. If he knew everything about me he would more than likely turn tail and run. Everyone did once they knew. That wasn’t a risk I wanted to take, since there seemed to be something between the two of us. I just didn’t know what that something was. I resumed floating, letting my mind wander and letting myself relax again for as long as I could. Relaxation never lasted long. Just as that thought crossed my mind I heard the porch door open and close three times. When did the boys get home? “Dammit,” I grumbled and swam toward the steps, climbing out of the pool quickly. I grabbed my towel and wrapped myself in it just as the boys all got outside. I gripped the towel close to my body as fear shook through me. My wet hands grabbed the clothes on the bench and pulled them into my arms. “Hey guys.” I smiled over at them as I attempted to dry my hair. Liam stepped forward, moving a little closer to me.

“You will never believe what we just did!” Liam let out a childish laugh as he jumped in the air. When I stayed quiet and watched all the boys cheer, Liam continued. “We just booked another show!”

“When is it?” I asked carefully.

“Tomorrow night,” I nodded my head slowly, why not?

Then Harry joined in on the conversation. “And since you helped us set up for the last one…”

And then, Niall joined in. “We were hoping you would help out this time…” Zayn and Louis didn’t add anything; they just stood there with goofy, hopeful looks on their faces that made me laugh a bit.

“Sure.” My one word reply was quick, which caused Liam to raise his eyebrows. Perhaps I'd agreed too fast, but maybe this would get me a bit closer to Harry, even though I knew it was so stupid to do. I just... I couldn't resist. “Want to tell me about it?” I prodded as I followed Liam's footsteps into the house.

~

Harry's brown curls fell in his face as he hopped out of the car and jogged up to the house. The boys followed, conversations floating through the air at the new plans they had just made. Simon called the boys while they were out and spoke to them about how a band dropped out of a small festival near London. He wanted the boys to open up for the others as a surprise to the fans. Of course, they all agreed with screams and cheers, and it was settled. As the boys filed into the house one by one headed either to the bathroom, the kitchen, or the living room. As for Harry, he decided that he would check on Lana to see how she was doing. He wasn't sure why he wanted to, but his gut told him to. As he climbed the stairs he smiled to himself, just picturing the young girl curled in her bed sleeping. She was beautiful in all sorts, and Harry admired her beauty. When he got to her room the door was already opened. Peeking inside his eyes laid on the empty bed, the covers thrown around. Harry sighed as he wondered where she could be. Turning on his heels he headed towards the loft where the windows were large enough to show a beautiful scene outside.

The windows showed out to the back yard where the pool was at. As he admired the scene his eyes caught something in the water. It was the girl; her long dark hair floating in the water, surrounding her face as her arms controlled where she went. Harry watched as her frail body made peaceful movements which guided her back and forth to both ends of the pool. She looked serene and thoughtful, her eyes closed as she dived back under. Her face would contort into question and confusion, like she was thinking incredibly hard about something. She probably was because Harry noticed this expression quite often, and each time she thought, her eyebrows would deepen as her forehead crinkled. Her small nose would scrunch up just barely while her pink lips stretched into a grimaced. Harry was always dying to know what was going on in that head of hers, she was too quiet and collected, something that he was never used to. At most times he didn't mind this because he liked to watch her, her expressions were always peaceful to him no matter how they looked to others.

As Lana kept swimming, it was hard to describe her body for it was mostly fully covered. But Harry could still tell that she was beautiful. He was never the one to judge a book by its cover, but whether Lana was Liam's sister or not, Harry fancied the girl. His green orbs continued to watch her in silence, being moved by how graceful she was. But as soon as Lana's arm moved just the right angle and Harry saw the dark lines on her wrist, his brows furrowed. Ever since they ran into each other while she was in her towel and he saw those marks on her hip, he had become more observant whether Liam was bothered by it or not. He had many theories made up in his mind, but none of them were anything he wanted to believe. For the first theory, she could have burned herself on accident, that does seem to happen a lot. But then he thought of how perfectly aligned those marks were. For the second theory, Harry came up with the idea that they were all birth marks, oddly shaped ones though. But that did not make sense either, for birth marks were never the same. Never perfectly aligned like Lana's, never as dark and purple like hers. When Harry thought of the third theory, he needed to shake if off right away. It was the worth thought to go for and he did not want to spend his time picturing that beautiful girl slicing herself up for God knows what.

Harry kept thinking, in fact, that is all he had been doing lately. He made sure he formed a promise for himself; that no matter how hard it was, no matter what it took, Harry would figure out the details of Lana's dark side.