Behind the Lines

I sit overlooking the forest, much like last night. The sun rays dance happily over shadows hiding next to the trees. The forest seems lively and carefree with its plants swaying with the wind and little creatures enjoying each other’s company.

The brightness of my surroundings, however, is still not bright enough to drown out the darkness that encases me. I feel like I am trapped within myself and someone else is controlling me. I feel like I am stranded in a dark cave, forever blinded and confused; unable to find direction.

Confused.

That is what I feel. Completely and utterly confused and inept to make a decision.

I have no clue what to do. I have only known that Landon is my mate for a day now, and yet, my heart already aches and yearns for him. My heart wants to forgive him, but it still hurts from the past.

Stuck in my thoughts, I don’t hear the several pairs of footsteps stopping behind me, until I hear the sniffle of a female. I turn my head around and my eyes widen when I see my “family.”

My mother throws her body on mine, hugging me tight and sobbing into my shoulder. My body stiffens and I urge my wolf to stay in and calm down. My body shakes with anger, bursting just to lose control.

“Get. Off,” I grit my teeth and squeeze my hands together, keeping it all in. My mother sobs harder but still does not let go.

“Get off of me,” my tone dripping with venom and power radiating off of me.

My mother immediately lets go, her wolf submitting to me, and she cowers over to her husband’s side.

“What do you want?” each word dripping with absolute venom.

No one answers, all cowering their heads in fear.

“What the hell do you want?” I rarely get anger, but when I do, I could scare the gods away.

No one answers yet again.

“If you don’t need anything, get the hell out of my face. I can’t be seen with people like you,” I huff.

“What do you mean ‘people like us’?” my father asks.

“Backstabbing, selfish people who care only for themselves. People who are not afraid to kill or hurt your own flesh and blood. The kind of people who only think of themselves, not listening to the other minority. The kind of people who abandon and mistreat others. Those kinds of people,” I lecture, animosity filling every pore of my body.

Their eyes widen as if they just realized what type of people they are. They have never been insulted like, being a family of high position, let alone from their family member. It must be a stab in the back for them, not that I care at all.

A moment of silence is there, before Justin starts to speak, “We just wanted to say we’re sorry,” he says in a quiet, somber voice.

“Yeah, now you are after Landon told all of you what really happened. You wouldn’t have believed me if I was on my deathbed,” I voice.

“What did you want us to do? Take you in, knowing there was a possibility that you may have done it?” Lloyd says in frustration.

“Yes! Because that’s what a family does! You listen to them and forgive them. You don’t turn them into your mortal enemy.”

“Journey—“ Miles starts, before I cut him off.

“I’m disappointed in all of you. I’m so angry at you. I am so… hurt that you would think I would do anything like that, when you know how I am. But I guess you never did know how I was like,” I say.

“Please, forgive us honey,” Dad speaks up.

“I’m most disappointed in you, dad. You are the beta of your pack. Your responsibility is to look out for every member of your pack, no matter if they are your family or not. It’s the number one responsibility—looking out for your pack members. And you failed to do that, taking the alpha’s son word for it, forgetting to ask your daughter what really happened,” I lecture, watching my dad’s face fall.

“Does that mean you won’t ever forgive us?” Brandon squeaks.

“I don’t know,” I sigh. I really do not know whether I will take them in or forget they ever existed.

“We truly are sorry for not believing in you. We were forced to not ask or talk you,” Lloyd mutters, turning around and walking back to the pack house.

Forced? What do they mean they were forced to not ask or talk to me. Before I can ask them what they mean, they are already gone. I walk on the path to the pack house, many questions racing through my mind like butterflies in the stomach.

I reach the house in record time. I head inside, dodging people trying to get somewhere in the house. I go up to the third floor and go to Landon’s room. I need answers, and he is the only one that can give them to me. Before entering, I knock on the door three times. Who knows what he is doing in there.

“Come in,” Landon mutters miserably from his room.

I open his door and enter, locking the door behind me so no one interrupts. Landon notices me in his room and immediately shoots up from his bed, confusion and love and sadness all over his face. I can feel the strong connection between us, and I try my very best to not forgive him then and there. I contain my wolf in and I know Landon is trying hard too, looking like he’s having a hearted conversation with his wolf.

“What are you doing here?” confusion all over his features.

“I need to ask some questions,” I immediately answer, not hesitating.

“Sure… um, take a seat somewhere,” Landon offers.

I take a seat by the desk and quickly glance at the pictures on his table. All of them are of us when we were friends.

“Um, what did you want to ask,” he asks, flustered.

“I talked to my family a while ago. They said that they were forced not to ask me anything, what does that mean?” Looking away from the pictures.

Landon looks like he has been caught red handed, his eyes wide as he stares at me in shock. I wait a few seconds before I say, “Well?”

He clears his throat and looks at the floor, “Olivia forced me to order everyone to tell everyone a lie. She wanted to turn everyone against you. I don’t know why, but I did what she said after she… did it. I didn’t want to, but she had people on the inside and outside of the pack to check. I didn’t know who it was. It was either I turn everyone against you… or you die,” he says with shame and devastation at the end.

My eyes widen in surprise and quick gasp escapes my lips. I was not expecting that.

I take a deep breath, “Do you know why she did that?” I ask quietly.

“No.” Tears threaten to fall from my eyes, but I manage to keep them in. “She ordered me to shut up when you came and saw her. She put on her caring façade and made it seem that she cared for you. When she did fell, I had to blame you right away. I told everyone that you pushed her. It was the only thing I could do to save you from dying. I didn’t know why she did what she did, and who is on the inside or outside, but I didn’t blame you to save my reputation in the pack, I did it to save you.”

I took in whatever he said. I could not believe she could be that manipulative and that she had carried so much hatred for me. I never did anything to her. I stayed with my friends and family and was loyal to the people who loved me and tolerable to the people who hated me.

A few moments later after I take in whatever he said, I ask him some more questions burning my mind.

“Does anyone else know?”

“My dad knew everything, and that’s it. We couldn’t tell your dad because whoever would be on the inside would threaten us some way or another. My dad and I forced everyone to ignore and treat you like nothing, just so you would live. After feeding them lies, they eventually started to believe us and really started to hate you… for no reason. They never knew the truth, until now.”

“Why did you tell your pack now?”

“She’s alive.

I did a double take at his answer. My eyes pop out of my head and I look at him with my jaw open. “She’s what?”

“She’s not dead.” He looks at me dead in the eye.

“How do you know?”

“When a wolf dies, the alpha can sense the link snap. When the link snaps, the alpha gets a really bad headache. But when a wolf leaves the pack, the link gradually gets smaller, until there is nothing left of it. That is what happened to her. She left the pack… she didn’t die. My dad and I could sense that. We wanted to tell the pack, but we didn’t know who was working with her. Until now,” Landon explains, furrowing his eyebrows at the new revelation.

“Who is it?” I demand, sitting on the brink of the chair, my knee bouncing up and down. I feel like an interrogative cop.

“Haden,” he states.

My eyes widen at the fact, “You mean, you’re older brother, Haden?”

He nods his head up and down, sadly due to the fact that his oldest brother betrayed him. He was always the peculiar, awkward guy in the pack. He always isolated himself from everyone, hating attention and people in general. Everyone knew to leave him alone and they did. No one knew why he was like that.

“Why?” I ask, tilting my head to the side.

“He always thought he would get the alpha position since he is older. But we found out that he wouldn’t be getting that position when he turned thirteen. I was seven at the time. I am the only other kid in the family, so he knew that the position would go to me. When my dad found out, he immediately started to train with me, and since I have alpha blood, I learnt things others wouldn’t at the age of seven. Dad started to spend more time with me, and I could tell that Haden craved the attention of a father. Feeling bad, I would often tell my dad that I wanted to train with Haden alongside, but Dad would always refuse, telling me that I couldn’t afford any distractions. I gave up on asking Dad to include Haden in our activities because his answer would always be no.

“When we grew older, Haden became more alienated from the family. Even mom started paying more attention to me. I didn’t like the fact that they would ignore their other son, but I couldn’t do anything about it. Haden locked himself in his room for days at a time, and my parents wouldn’t even notice or care. He started drinking and doing drugs, but my parents shrugged it off since wolves can’t get addicted or affected by any of those things. He only did it so they would care. He stopped once he found out it didn’t make a difference.

“When I turned thirteen, that’s when my alpha mark came. At that time, my parents completely forgot about Haden. It was like he wasn’t even a part of the family anymore. He didn’t talk to anyone, anymore… except Olivia. She was his only friend. I noticed they were happy when they were with each other, but you could tell that they weren’t mates.

“When Olivia ‘died’, he didn’t seem to be affected by it at all. He was his normal self. He didn’t mourn over the death of his only friend. In fact, he was happy. He looked like he was hiding something. Like he had the biggest secret in the world. And he did.

“He left about a year ago. I could tell something was up that day he left because his connection was getting smaller and smaller. I immediately mind-linked my dad and told him something was up. I was at school at that time, but I left as soon as I could. My parents were at a neighboring packs house and they left as soon as they heard. But we were too late. We ran along the line of our pack border and asked neighboring packs if they had seen him, as well.

“My parents were devastated. My dad more than my mom. He noticed too late that he had neglected his other son. I was depressed for some time, knowing I would have avoided it. But I didn’t do anything about it. I could have been the one to give him the company, but my mind was too into learning the alpha duties to care.

“Later that evening, I went to his room to see if he left anything behind—a clue, a letter, anything. I didn’t find anything. I knew he loved to read though. He didn’t take a single book of his. Not even his favorite collection of Edgar Allan Poe stories. I grabbed it from his bookshelf.

“There were letters that fell out of it. Many letters, all from Olivia. I read all of them one by one. All were connected to the accident. Some said that Haden did a very good job keeping her updated, some were of casual conversations, and many were about how you were interacting with the pack and any news of you. The last one she sent to him told him the day he should leave the pack and how.

“It didn’t say where they would meet, because the last part was in code. They didn’t want anyone to find their location in case they found the letter. I tried to figure it out, but nothing I would do would unravel the meaning behind the words.

“I was shocked that Haden of all people would do this. He left us. If we treated him like family, none of this would happen. He would be here and Olivia wouldn’t be corrupting him.

“I told the pack today because I overheard your conversation with Violet and the other girls. I figured since there is no threat anymore, I would do anything to make it up to you again.”

Landon finished his story, his face so distraught. I could feel his emotions going from devastation to sadness to depression. I want to comfort him, knowing he lost a big part of his life not too long ago. I never even noticed Haden leave the pack a year ago. I realize know that I was too busy to wallow in self-pity to see that there were other people in the pack having a hard time as well. I could have tried to do something to help them, even if, in the end, they ignored me and hated me like the rest.

I am not mad at him for eavesdropping on us, since I did the same to him. I am kind of embarrassed that he heard me saying those things, but now that I think about it, I am glad he did. I would have never have known the whole story and the lies behind it.

I get out of my reverie to see Landon on the verge of crying.

He looks at me straight in the eyes, “I think you should go. I need sometime by myself,” he says, sounding vulnerable and miserable.

I have not fully forgiven him yet, but I cannot let him stay alone when he desperately needs someone and everyone else is minding their own business. I cannot let what happen to me happen to him. I won’t abandon him today.

Ever so slowly, I walk over to his bed and sit beside him. He looks at me and then looks at the ground.

“Please leave,” his voice shaky and breaking.

“No,” I say, and tears pour out of his eyes at that second. He’s broken. More broken than I could ever imagine.

I quickly hug him and bring him closer to me so he can let it all out. My wolf is crying on the inside as well, seeing her mate in pain. His sobs rack through his body and his tears pour onto my shoulder, wetting it, but I don’t really care. I try to calm him by saying soothing words of nothing into his ear and rubbing his back, like a little child. I would have never imagined that I would see Landon in this position. When we were younger, it would always be the opposite. I do not think I have ever seen Landon cry for years. He always put on a brave front, even when he was going through a lot.

I pull Landon back on the bed so we can both lie down. He continues to sob on my chest, hugging me tight around the waist, and I continue to rub his back and whisper sweet nothings. It takes a while for him to calm down, but he eventually does.

He sniffs, “Thank you for being there for me.”

“Thank you for telling the truth.”

We remain quiet for a moment, enjoying the moment, knowing it is not going to last forever.

“Will you ever forgive me?” Landon whispers.

“In time, Landon.”

“And your family?”

“Eventually.”

We then remain silent.

I love him so much. But I’m not ready to forgive him. I do not know what to do…